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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
Archives 11/24/01
<--Previous Archive
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Posted: 8-NOV-01
My MIL is obsessed with money. It seems to be
her only concern for her children, not even worrying about their happiness
or well-being. Whenever her children get jobs, we always hear
about the income, but never the name of the company they'll be working
for, or what job it is even! I know that she had a rough life
financially, but that is mainly because she and FIL can't manage their
money at all. She said to me, "I just want you all to have
enough money, because I know how difficult it is." Okay, but
I grew up with a lot less money than my DH, and I don't resent it.
I think that being surrounded by caring people and having good experiences
is ultimately more important. She doesn't seem to see it that
way. My DH is looking for a new job, and the only thing she
wants to know is how much he is asking for, income-wise. There
is never a question about what kind of work in particular he is looking
for, or why he feels ready to move on from his current job.
While he was working at his current job, she has continually complained
that DH is not being paid enough, when, in fact, he is paid much more
than the average person because he is in the IT industry. I've
had to point out to DH how fortunate he is compared to nurses/teachers
etc., and that it is good to be grateful. DH sees my point now,
and keeps it in perspective, but MIL is still obsessed. Last
year, she was really pushing us to move to another city where his
income would be even higher, and we just could not convince her that
we weren't interested and that DH was happy with his job. I
am fairly certain she thought that I was controlling his decision
(because naturally he would be after the money - right? Wrong!).
Now we are in the opposite situation - we are moving to another city
(not for the money!!) and she is trying to push us to stay (because
of the terrorist attacks - keep in mind we live in Australia, not
the U.S.). She is looking for jobs in the paper for DH, and
when we were at their house two days ago, DH mentioned he was applying
for several jobs. She asked, "Where?", which confused
me, because I was sure we'd given her the distinct impression that
we were serious about moving. When I said, "all in X,"
she gave me a disdainful look, as if I was controlling his decisions
again. ARGH. We make decisions together!! How, oh
how do I let this woman know that?! And, how do I get her to
focus more on his happiness than his wealth?! I am not going
to just be silent and let DH do all the talking, so that's not an
option. HELP!
Signed - MIL Worships Money
RESPONSE: MIL Worships Money
Posted: 13-NOV-01
First of all, your MIL has NO right to ask about your
and your DH's financial status, or what the two of you are making.
IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS!!! If she asks how much your DH is
seeking in income for a job, tell her it is none of her business,
and that the two or you have it covered. She might not like
it, but that is just plain rude to ask anyone what they are making,
how much they want to make, or anything that deals with their financial
status or needs. You need to put your foot down now, and your
DH sounds like he needs to acquire a spine about himself to his dear
mommy. What does your DH have to say about all this? The
best thing to do is move far away from her, and never let her know
about what the two of you make. I don't care if she is DH's
mother. That doesn't give her a right to know how much he makes
or what he wants to make in a job. Good luck. It sounds
like you have a nosey, controlling b!tch on your hands.
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Posted: 7-NOV-01
Well, the story goes like this: I was about 13
years old when my "husband" moved in next to us (my neighbor).
We were dating for about 5-6 years (living next door to each other)
when I fell pregnant. But we knew we were made for each other,
so we decided to wait and save money for a nice wedding, etc.
After the baby was born, she (the in-law) suddenly had an MA-grade
(like in Afrikaans we call mother ma) so she knew it all. And
when the baby cried, she about ran her legs off to pick him up or
to take him out of my arms. Can you believe? So we bought
the house from her, with the intention that she'd move out.
But, this carried on for 2 + years. Then, we got married, and
she still lived with us. Eventually, her son (brother in law)
bought a house for the two of them to stay in. But, then the
SIL's husband got a job near where we were living, because they were
living on a farm type of place, and her husband was studying "farm
stuff" (so, then his eyes opened to see that there was no money
involved in this business, so he studied to be a computer programmer,
and then he got the job here). So, that summer, they moved in
with the BIL, and we were stuck again. They lived with him for
ten months, and we couldn't take it anymore (bear in mind, he bought
the house on the same street, just across the street from us).
So, we decided that if they were not going to make an effort to buy
or rent a property, then we'd make a plan. So, they saw a house
and said the place was too expensive. And, I promise you that
the place was so cheap. It was a repossessed house from the bank.
They were so used to cheap living on the farm. So, we bought
the house. They were so mad at us, calling us names, and wanting
us to feel so guilty. But, their offer was too low, and there
were other couples who had higher offers for the house. So,
we also made an offer. Even if we didn't make an offer, theirs
wouldn't have been accepted by the bank. So, okay, we eventually
moved out, thinking that my problems would come to an end. Now,
the BIL (he was dating my sister) and old MIL still come to visit
about twice a week. That is so frustrating. I can't be
myself in front of her. She takes over my son, and then he cries
when she goes (sometimes). And, in the mornings (my parent are
living in the same street) I take my son to my parent's. Then,
he cries. Then, she phones on the cell phone and says, "He's
crying. We must bring him to her." I hate it.
She spoils him. And, when he has to drink medicine or brush
teeth (and he doesn't want to), she doesn't give it to him.
And, then my parents have to do all the dirty work so that my son
is mad at them. That is why he is like that. He knows
he gets away with everything when he is with her. And, I am
the type of person who just keeps everything to myself. She
wants to tell me everything. Everything her daughter does with
her child, she expects me to do with mine. Isn't there anything
I can do or say to let her get the message? She always wants
to say, "Not that way, this way," and, "They said this,"
and, "I've read this." You know. God gave every
woman instinct as to how to look after her child. I don't need
books or "experts". What can I do or say (but in a
nice way!)?
Signed - God Gave Every
Woman Instinct
RESPONSE: God Gave Every Woman Instinct
Posted: 13-NOV-01
Tell her how you feel. If she visits that often,
then she has to do what you want. Don't be afraid to hurt her
feelings. If she starts to give unwanted advice, tell her that
you appreciate the concern, but that you want to make mistakes and
figure out how to be a mom all by yourself. Just tell her how
you feel. It's your son and your life. Take control.
RESPONSE: God Gave Every Woman
Instinct
Posted: 13-NOV-01
Your story confused me?????
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Posted: 19-OCT-01
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and
we have overcome a lot of things between family and friends.
However, I have a feeling that it is only going to get worse.
My BF is from Utah, and his mother grew up there. His mother
is Mormon, and so is the whole family. However, I am not.
I don't believe in any religion, but I always keep an open mind.
His mother likes me, but she doesn't like how I stand on religion.
She is always very courteous to me, invites me to most family gatherings.
However, this woman is going to drive me up the wall. She is
one of the most conservative people I have ever met. My BF was
changing his oil, and I wanted to learn how to do it. She looked
at me with disgust and said, "It is not your role in the world.
Why would you want to learn that? You are supposed to cook and
take care of the house. That is a man's job." I walked
out and changed the oil. Just to top it off, though, the woman
doesn't even cook or clean. She solely relies on men to do all
the work. The other day, it had been raining, so the streets
where slick. Her traction device was off on her car, so she
called my BF and asked him to turn it back on. It was located
to the left of the steering wheel on the dashboard. It was lit
up and it said "TRAC OFF". She still couldn't find
it. She looked in her manual, couldn't find anything in there,
either. She made us drive 35 minutes away to press a damn button.
When we got there, I opened the door, and it was right there.
So, maybe the woman is blind. However, she also made my BF drive
it to make sure it was working, and follow her home. I understand
it is frustrating when something isn't working, but I don't understand
how someone can be so helpless. It must be the fact she only
wants people to help her, and she doesn't want to help herself.
Am I being too critical???? Thank you for listening.
Signed - IRRITATED, But
Am I Being Too Critical????
RESPONSE: IRRITATED, But Am I Being Too Critical????
Posted: 20-OCT-01
Remember, that if you do plan on staying with your
BF, you are also staying with the family. People don't change.
RESPONSE: IRRITATED, But Am I Being Too Critical????
Posted: 20-OCT-01
No, you're not being too critical. This sounds
like something that could be a huge sticking point in your marriage.
IMO, your husband's family is @ss-backwards ("That's a man's
job"??? What is this, 1943?). And, it's possible that even
though your husband may be open-minded about your religious beliefs
now, if you were to marry him and decide to have a family, I wouldn't
be surprised if he pulled a 360, and suddenly wanted you to behave
like a good, quiet, conservative wife like his mother. Not only
that, but Mormons believe in polygamy. Do you? Just something
to think about.
RESPONSE: IRRITATED, But Am I Being Too Critical????
Posted: 21-OCT-01
My MIL, while not Mormon, is the same way. I
wonder if she feels threatened when she sees that you (an attractive
young woman) are capable and self-sufficient, while she (or at least
my MIL!) has based her whole life around being helplessly feminine.
I think she always prided herself on that, and got a lot of mileage
out of it (my MIL was also very good-looking when she was younger,
so this Marilyn Monroe little girl thing is all part of her schtick).
I think it shakes up the foundation of their whole belief system when
a DIL has a different way of being (although they'd probably REALLY
hate us if we were just like THEM!). I don't know if it's jealousy
(I wouldn't bet on that) or just that it makes them uncomfortable.
You aren't being too critical (if you are, I certainly am, too!).
She is disrespecting you, and that would naturally bother a person.
But, it sounds like there is hope for your relationship, since you
sense deep down that she likes you (and you can work out the details
of religion with your DH - have a FRANK conversation, and make sure
he doesn't expect you to live in a way that would be intolerable to
you.)
RESPONSE: IRRITATED, But Am I Being Too Critical????
Posted: 23-OCT-01
To the October 20 respondent: Mormons do not
believe in polygamy anymore! That belief has not been practiced
by the Mormon church for 100 years at least! It remains a stereotype
for people who want to bash the Mormon church, like you.
RESPONSE: IRRITATED, But Am I Being Too Critical????
Posted: 24-OCT-01
I am a religious person. Back when I was in high
school, I learned a lesson that has saved me a lot of heartache:
Never date anyone who does not hold the same values and beliefs as
me. This may also apply to their family. At one point
I did date a nonbeliever, and it did not end well. My BF told
me that he did believe in God. However, his family would not
accept that, or me. His family won out. From what I've
seen, Mormons hold on very tightly to their beliefs and practices.
They become highly disappointed when someone from their religion strays.
However, they are also very warm when someone new joins. I know
you are looking at this as if MIL is being too critical. However,
she may truly believe that you (nonbeliever) are endangering her son's
soul. You believe that she is overly critical and too old-fashion.
I think it is time for the two of you to sit down and get to know
one another. You may become friends.
RESPONSE: IRRITATED, But Am I Being Too Critical????
Posted: 13-NOV-01
I have some friends who are Mormon, and they are wonderful,
kind people. However, there are Mormons out there, and others
of different religions, who are ultra critical and cannot tolerate
anyone who doesn't hold the exact same views they do. I do happen
to know a lot about Mormonism. Unfortunately, it is a religion
which puts more importance on men. Only men can become higher
bodies in the Mormon church, and you will NOT find a woman bishop
(like a pastor or priest) in their male-dominated church. Also,
Mormonism believes in women having as many babies as possible in order
to bring more souls down from heaven. That pretty much means
that the women are expected to stay home and raise their kids while
the men are the breadwinners. Mormonism has some wonderful values
though - they are a tight-knit bunch, and tend to have very close
families. If you stay with your boyfriend and marry him, expect
a lot more pressure on you from your boyfriend's mother. She
is voicing what she has been taught to believe is right. Some
Mormons will not socialize with non-Mormons (their life revolves around
their church). So it is a good sign for you that your boyfriend's
mom has been as nice to you as she has - although she could stand
to loosen up on her criticism. Good luck!
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Posted: 19-OCT-01
I'm looking for a poem about a mother-in-law that
is nice.
Signed - Looking For A
Poem
Editor's Note: Please see our HELP page
for an answer.
RESPONSE: Looking For A Poem
Posted: 23-OCT-01
Try the site www.bluemountain.com. You
might find what you're looking for there. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Looking For A Poem
Posted: 13-NOV-01
The words "nice" and "mother-in-law"
in the same sentence!! Is that really possible??? Unfortunately,
I was not blessed with a nice MIL, but I have heard rumors out there
that some exist!!!
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Posted: 30-OCT-01
It's two weeks before my wedding now. My future
MIL has gotten a teensy bit better, but not much. This is the
time when she is supposed to be most supportive, and here's what she
does: We are Jewish, and there is a tradition to have a celebration
at the groom's family's synagogue for the couple on the Saturday before
the wedding. Well, she knows darn well I have social anxiety
disorder and panic when I am in large groups. Their synagogue
has 4,000 members, and she is all but forcing me to get up in front
of them. She is also asking me to do something as part of the
ceremony that violates my religious beliefs. Also, she is having
a little party at her house afterwards. Well, part of my family
keeps kosher, so she had to buy kosher food and plastic dishes, for
which I offered to reimburse her since it's for my family. She
made the cat-butt face and informed that they were quite well off.
Okay, fine. Then, she called her son up, whining and moaning
because she can't use her nice dishes, and people will think she's
cheap. He explained that everyone would understand and appreciate
her efforts. Well, she asked us to come over to see the stuff
she bought. I was very polite, and thanked her for her efforts,
which I genuinely appreciate. All she kept saying was, "Make
sure you tell them the trouble I went to." I mean, I know
it was a bit of a nuisance, but all she did was buy plastic ware and
prepared food! So, then she showed me that she got new metal
knives for cutting veggies and things, since hers were not kosher.
I thanked her again, but explained nicely that even new knives have
to be made kosher, and that I would be more than happy to take care
of it to save her the trouble. She said, "No way."
She said that she had asked around, and that new knives were fine.
We went back and forth like this until she got really upset.
Finally, she gave us the knives. Oh, last thing. My parents
are paying for the whole wedding, in excess of $40,000, so we wanted
to thank them for being so incredibly generous. We took them
out to a very nice restaurant the night before their anniversary.
His mother found out and got all pissed off because we took her and
FIL to an expensive brunch at their favorite spot the day AFTER their
anniversary. She said that my parents' gift was planned, while
theirs was an obvious cover-up for forgetting, since it was a day
late. Have you ever heard anything so silly? Thanks for
letting me vent. Any advice on dealing with this lady?
She is such a child.
Signed - Bemused Bride
RESPONSE: Bemused Bride
Posted: 1-NOV-01
Are you the same bride who wrote in saying your FMIL
and FSIL were trying to force you into a bridal shower that you didn't
want because of your social anxiety disorder? I suffer from
an anxiety disorder as well. Although mine is very different
from yours. However, I do know that it's hard for other people
to understand how terrifying some things can be to us (since they
are mundane to them). Nevertheless, that doesn't mean that they
should try to force you into something you don't want, or that YOU
should feel embarrassed! I think you have been handling the
situation wonderfully. My only advice is to keep treating her
with kindness and respect, but DON'T let her bully you into doing
something you don't want to do because she's making you feel foolish.
Tell her gently, but FIRMLY, that you're sorry. Tell her that
you know it must be hard for her to understand, but that (insert situation
here) makes you uncomfortable. And just say NO. Thank
her for her "thoughtfulness", but DO NOT apologize for saying
no. Don't let her put you on the defensive, and don't try to
make her understand. Just keep repeating the above until she
finally hears and accepts your NO, or just gets exhausted. Whichever
comes first! J Same goes
for her trying to bully you into doing anything that goes against
your religious beliefs. Simply tell her that it makes you uncomfortable.
So say, "No, I won't be able to accommodate you."
If she gets upset, you can tell her kindly that you don't mean to
upset her, but that you hope she can understand and respect your decision.
Then, leave it alone. If she wants to continue to be upset,
that's her problem. As far as the Kosher stuff, just suffer
silently. As long as you see to it that everything is Kosher,
just ignore her complaints. Choose your battles wisely with
this one, and try not to let petty stuff like this get you more upset
than necessary! Good luck, and congratulations on your upcoming
wedding. Please write in again and let us know how it goes.
RESPONSE: Bemused Bride
Posted: 2-NOV-01
I just want to come to your wedding. At $40,000,
I know it'll be a good time!! Seriously, I do hope you have
the time of your life at your wonderful wedding! Don't let the
silliness of your MIL affect your happiness on YOUR special day.
And, do what you can to enjoy the guests who love you and want to
come to your wedding and reception to wish you well. I know
you may feel uncomfortable, and even scared, but just breathe deeply,
and consciously remind yourself to enjoy YOUR day! I want to
hear all about it afterwards. My best to you!
RESPONSE: Bemused Bride
Posted: 5-NOV-01
I live in Israel, and I have the perfect solution for
your problem. If you really want out, how about pointing out
to your FMIL that, according to Jewish tradition, the bride doesn't
see the groom for a WEEK before the wedding. Therefore, you
aren't allowed to attended the synagogue when he is there!!!
Speak to the Rabbi, and have him tell her. Please let us know
how it works out. You might have seen my previous entry about
the passage in Genesis. Show it to your FMIL NOW!!!!
RESPONSE From Poster: Bemused Bride
Posted: 7-NOV-01
I just thought I'd give an update. I did the
thing at the synagogue. It was horrible! I was crying
from sheer terror, and hid behind my fiancé the whole time.
He took me home to collect myself and to comfort me immediately afterwards.
His mother couldn't understand why my mother wanted to comfort me,
and pretty much told her she was babying me. She and FFIL told
me what a bad job I did, and never thanked me for doing something
that was just for them! Neither of his sisters spoke to me once
at the party afterwards, and FMIL treated my mother horribly.
My mother is EXTREMELY beautiful, and everyone was commenting that
she looked more like my sister. After FMIL (who is much older
than my very wonderful mother) heard that, she was rude to my mother
the whole time. She also dislikes the fact that my fiancé
will always love his mother, but that he is closer with my parents.
They treat him like a son and a friend, while his mother barely closes
in on the son part and treats me like an unwelcome houseguest.
While she couldn't be bothered to thank me, she wanted everyone to
acknowledge her hard work, which involved buying packaged food and
having me run errands (guess whether or not she thanked me for that,
either). I should also mention that she is diabetic, so my family
and I always have to buy or make her sugar-free things, which, of
course, we don't mind doing. She has never once mentioned this.
Now, despite how horrible she has been, she wants to have a special
ceremony at the wedding, because she is marrying off her last child.
She wants to wear a crown of flowers, get lifted on a chair, and have
everyone dance around her! We can't wait to tell her, "no".
In fact, because my mom and I dislike her so much, she is not allowed
in the room while I am getting ready. Thankfully, my whole family
(even extended family!) and about 85% of the bridal party absolutely
hate her. It's evil of me, I know, but it sure makes me feel
better! Thanks for listening.
RESPONSE: Bemused Bride
Posted: 10-NOV-01
I am sorry to hear all the trouble you are having regarding
your aufruf (the ceremony the Saturday before a marriage that you
are referring to). I have some suggestions that can hopefully
make this a more joyful time for you as well as your future husband
and both your families. It seems as though there are two separate
issues at work here: The first being your panic disorder and
the resulting discomfort of the public ceremony. And the second
is the accommodations that are being made with regard to food to ensure
that it meets kosher standards. First, to address the panic
disorder issue - You state that you are being made to stand up in
front of a large congregation of people. I assume from this
that you, as well as your husband, are being called to the Torah,
and that this is in either a reform or conservative synagogue.
I am Orthodox, and in that type of synagogue only the man gets called
to the Torah. I suggest you talk to the Rabbi at the synagogue,
and plan the ceremony so that your future husband receives the honor
in front of the congregation, while you remain seated with your family
around you. You can still take part in the ceremony, and the
Rabbi will be able to address you both, but you do not have to be
on display, and can have the support of your loved ones around you.
Rabbis are often very understanding, and can help you to best plan
this ceremony to meet your needs. In addition, your future MIL
can take comfort that the ceremony is being done properly, because
it has the Rabbi's input and blessing. This will also help if
the same Rabbi is performing the marriage ceremony, as he will know
you better, and help make that occasion special for you. Regarding
the issue of kosher food - you state that a reception is being held
in your in-law's home after the ceremony. May I suggest that
you, instead, hold the reception in the synagogue after services (certainly,
a congregation as large as the one we are talking about has the proper
facilities). Almost all synagogues require that events held
in the synagogue be done according to kosher standards, and it is
the job of the synagogue to ensure that these standards are met.
They usually have a large list of kosher caterers and bakeries that
they work with (and that can meet multiple budgets). This means
that your in-laws will not see you as the "bad guy" or "kosher
enforcer". You have less responsibility, and the job of
keeping up high standards falls to a non familial party, i.e., the
synagogue personnel. Your future MIL will certainly not have
to worry about the reception making her look cheap, as professionally
catered events carry the exact opposite connotation. Your family
will also feel comfortable eating there, as they will not be singled
out for their kosher observance. Future events in your life
will be planned by you and your husband, rather than being planned
for you by your in-laws (or parents). And, you can take the
coping lessons you learned from this occasion and put them to use
for your happiness and comfort. Good Luck!
RESPONSE: Bemused Bride
Posted: 12-NOV-01
A crown of flowers, be lifted up on a chair, and have
everyone dance around her??? Granted, I'm got NO idea if this
is some sort of religious tradition, but it sounds like she wants
to make herself the center of attention at your wedding, and it sounds
TOTALLY inappropriate. Have a talk with your rabbi about it,
warn him as to what she's talking about. Then have her sit in
on a meeting with him. Let HER bring it up, and let the rabbi
shoot it down as inappropriate and tasteless. It sounds like
you're going to have your hands full with this woman. Best of
luck to you!
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Posted: 8-NOV-01
Dear Mother-in-law (NOT), you have succeeded in breaking
up my family. You are a toxic, conniving, meddling liar.
As you thought vengeance was yours, I soon pray you never sleep over
what you have done. Come to be you raised a horrible man who
hates you and clings to you at the same time. He has mirrored
several of your wonderful traits into his marriage. It will
take a lifetime to repair. What he was not able to see is that
you taught him how to abuse.
Signed - Just Gotta Go,
You Know!
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Posted: 13-NOV-01
Like everybody on this site, I too suffer from a mean
MIL. I happen to be a black woman from a different culture and
country from where my MIL is from. I vividly remember the first
day she met me. The woman looked stunned!! She hated me
from day one. What made it worse was the language barrier, since
her English is not very good. Mind you, I am better educated
that she is: Ph.D. Vs high school degree. I still remember
the look of hate in her eyes when my then boyfriend gave me a goodnight
kiss before he went to bed. I was entertained by the fact that
I must have been her worst nightmare, because of my many differences
from her. It was the absolute scenario of human fear and prejudice.
About six months after I first met her here while she was vacationing,
I went with my then boyfriend (now husband) to visit her in Europe.
First, she tried to be nice, then she turned into a monster.
Of course, the woman hated me for just being who I am. What
else can I expect?! She protested to my husband against taking
me places, such as the city. They have a nice zoo nearby, which
I loved to visit. We decided to go a second time, which she
probably did not like. Upon our return from our second visit
to the zoo, the hateful woman met me at the door and asked me in a
rushed weird manner, "Did you like the monkeys? Did you
like the monkeys?" She did not wait for an answer.
She hastily rushed back to the kitchen after that. I still cannot
get over that incident. It was a racist, hateful slur for sure.
I thank God Almighty that this woman lives abroad and I am here.
I am now pregnant, and I truly feel sorry for her, for she will never
have my love or the love of my child.
Signed - She Will Never
Have My Love
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My Love
Posted: 20-NOV-01
God Bless you and your child,. You will break
the family curse of ignorance and prejudice by living your life to
the fullest, laughing, loving, and being a mother. She knows
that. And that is the sweetest gift (and revenge) you can give
her!
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My
Love
Posted: 20-NOV-01
I am so sorry for the hatred and prejudice that this
ignorant woman showed you. I am a white female, and by NO MEANS
condone nor accept behavior like that. I'm sure that you are
conditioned to hearing stupid comments from strangers about your mixed
racial relationship. But, I'm sure it hurts 10X worse when it
is from people that are supposedly family. Please don't let
this jack@ss bother you. You and your husband are happy and
in love. THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!!!! Good luck with the
pregnancy, and God bless!
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My
Love
Posted: 20-NOV-01
First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!
In many ways, I think I can relate to the cultural difference between
you and your MIL. My MIL has lived in the states for over twenty
years, but her English is very poor. There is also a difference
in our educational background. I have two BS degrees.
I am not even sure if she went to high school. And, it is obvious
that she disapproves of my education. I am thinking about pursuing
a graduate degree, and everyone (DH and my family) have all been very
supportive and encouraging. My MIL is the only one who, with
a sour face, repeatedly asks me if I think it would be a good idea!!!
My MIL has not liked me from the very beginning, as well. For
the most part, my MIL was civil towards me while DH and I were dating
(we dated for eight years before marriage). She has made snide
remarks before, but never displayed any outright jealousy towards
me and my relationship with DH. I found out later, from my SIL,
that on the day of my wedding, my MIL would not even get out of bed.
She said that she felt ill, and ended up having her houseguests wait
on her. And, she acted like a drama queen!!! My SIL told
me that it was very obvious that my MIL was upset about DH and I getting
married, and she was feeling sorry for herself. Can you believe
that? Most MOGs are happy the day of their son's wedding!
After my SIL told me about the way my MIL acted the day of the wedding,
it made sense why she acted so nasty and weird at my wedding and reception.
Thankfully, DH and I live several states away from MIL. Luckily
for you, there is an ocean between you and your MIL! It sounds
like she is a toxic person. It is better for you and your baby
that she is not around. I wish you the best, and I hope you
have a uneventful pregnancy, and a healthy baby! Take care.
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My
Love
Posted: 20-NOV-01
What an awful experience for you. You sound so
nice. It's great that she doesn't live near you. And,
I wouldn't visit her again if I were you (unless you stay in a hotel).
My ex-MIL lived in Europe, too - it was lovely! Congratulations,
and good luck with your new little family. Your MIL doesn't
know what she's going to miss.
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My Love
Posted: 21-NOV-01
Thank goodness the woman lives in another country and
won't see your child very often. What a horrible, ignorant person!
I'm so sorry you had to put up with her blatant racism and disrespect.
She is the loser in the end. She will miss out on having her
grandchild in her life. That is actually a blessing for your
child! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and best of luck!!
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My
Love
Posted: 21-NOV-01
Hmmm. I hate that you have had to suffer such
criticism. Some people are so ignorant that they don't see the
person within due to the judgements they have already made from outward
appearances. One way to look at this is that your DH is breaking
the cycle of prejudice. He was raised by her and her mean spirited
ways, but he still sees a beautiful and intelligent woman whom he
loves from the inside out. Most prejudice is learned.
I'd really be so careful with my children around her. It could
change her views to have a grandchild of another culture. Or,
the child may feel not as accepted or loved as a white grandchild.
Your story makes my heart weep, and I truly wish you the best.
As far as the monkey question, you could have rushed a quick answer,
"Yes, I did like the monkeys. And your son especially liked
them too." And then plant a really passionate kiss on his
lips right in front of her. If your DH agrees, maybe the 2 of
you need to put a little more distance between you and her.
And, let her know, if she asks, that respect is demanded. Take
Care.
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My
Love
Posted: 21-NOV-01
I can understand that you don't love your MIL.
However, you need to not bad mouth her in front of her grandchildren.
If and when the time comes, your child will know that she doesn't
like you. And, believe me, the child will take mom's side.
Signed: Careful of What You Say.
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My Love
Posted: 23-NOV-01
She is a sick character by comparing black people to
monkeys. She is abroad and maybe it is still "in"
to be ignorant there. I am an advocate for "tell it like
it is". You should have asked her, "What does that
statement mean? Are you implying that blacks are like monkeys?"
I always like to put it back off on the MIL. Racist statements
are what they are - foolish. They exist because we are so shocked
by the comparison or racist remark that we don't look underneath it,
and people who say them don't get challenged. When you make
racists explain or back their silly statements with reasoning, they
can't. Your MIL is only being consistent with her ignorance
and insecurities by saying those things. Love your husband for
seeing past that view, and love your baby for the cultural beauty
that she/he is. My MIL is not openly racist, but I am sure she
attributes some of my faults to my race. She tiptoes around
racial issues with me. For instance, she got on the bandwagon
and made fun of Alan Iverson's hair (he is a basketball player who
wears cornrows). She made some ignorant comment like, "His
hair looks like a racecar or hot wheels track." I spoke
up and told her that she should not make fun of black people's hair
because it is very tedious and tiresome upkeep. Lo and behold,
I am wearing corn rows in my hair now, and so is my son. I betcha
she feels like, "Oops". I say, "Get with the
new world, people." Who is judge and jury anyway?
Your MIL? Ha!
RESPONSE: She Will Never Have My
Love
Posted: 23-NOV-01
HOW HORRIBLE! I can't even imagine. You
had my blood boiling with your zoo story. What a terrible person
- your MIL. I don't know how she will ever truly love her grandchild
if she is such a racist. Certainly, she realizes the child will
be a mix of both races. I think it's super that you are so far
away from her and won't have to listen to her babble. I wouldn't
want my child to hear such hatred from his/her GRANDMA. Good
for you to stay away.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives