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Mother-In-Law Stories
Archives 12/9/00
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Overheard in a restaurant:

SHE:  This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste.

He:  Are you describing the wine or your mother?
12/5
I have a MIL the takes the cake!  When she was 18 she was thrown from a car that was going around 100 mph.  Anyway, everyone's suffering started that day.  Since DW and I got married 7 years ago, she has been raising hell and causing trouble between us.  When we started we were both young and just got out of school.  I had a difficult time finding a good job, so my MIL would tell DW that I was a bum, and she should come home (and she still does that to this day).  We used the MIL's old dresser, and we went out and bought a new bedroom set.  So my beautiful MIL expects me to put the dresser in my garage and storage it (even tho' she will never use it!).  The whole problem with the dresser going into the garage is that my new truck is in there.  The MIL thinks that my truck can sit outside in the driveway and her 30 year old dresser should go into the garage.

#2  Around Christmas time she always wants to take DW's and my truck instead of driving hers to save on her mileage.  Her truck is a late 80's model and runs good, but she wants everyone to think that she is someone she isn't (fake jewelry, tungsten rings, car, expensive furniture).  But she really just ends up making her husband (super nice guy ) work extra overtime.  Then, because she limps (her handicap) he works overtime and has to clean the house and everything else around the house.  The only time that she wants to see her grandchildren is when her family from back east comes to visit.  Then she acts like the children are her only worry (FAKER).  Our youngest child hates to go out there.  My wife doesn't understand that the baby feels like you left her at a stranger's house (that is how often the MIL sees the children, and she lives 10 miles away).  What a joke.  I think ... there are so many more that I don't have the time.
12/5
        Signed - One Real Winner Of A MIL Here

Note:  This story moved here from last week due to recent receipt of a response.

This is the second time I have entered a passage in this site.  I need to vent my frustrations soooo bad.  Anyway, we (hubby and myself) finally got married 2 weeks ago, and things couldn't have been more perfect.  Except for, of course, his mother.  She moped and pouted throughout the whole ceremony, skipped me completely in the receiving line, and proceeded to pout throughout the reception.  She did not smile in one picture, and did not say as much as hello to me.  The Monday before the wedding, MIL and I had quite the blowout, and I finally told her where to go and how to get there.  For almost 5 years I have watched her manipulate my DH and make him feel bad for things he shouldn't feel bad for.  She's the #1 Travel agent for guilt trips, and is the biggest sympathy seeker I know.  Until he met me he had the lowest self-esteem because his mother constantly belittled him.  He now (because of me and my AWESOME parents) holds his head high and is proud to be who he is.  I am fed up with people thinking that, because these women are our spouses mothers, we have to lay down and be doormats.  Everybody has to earn respect.  Even Mothers-In-Law!!!  If you have had enough, put your foot down.  Don't smile to be polite.  Demand respect (if you deserve it).  I have been a good girlfriend, fiancée, and now wife to my DH.  I have also been very good to his family.  I have officially washed my hands of in-laws.  I am not going to take this anymore!!!

There, now I feel 100% better!
11/30
         Signed - I Have Had Enough!


RESPONSE:  there, now I feel 100% better!
I have the SAME EXACT type of in-laws as yours.  Everything in your story directly reflects my own!  Trust me, I feel sooo much better knowing I am not the only one with this type of problem.  They act like they have to painfully endure our being together, even though our marriage has been the best thing that ever happened to their son.  In our son's baby book, in the grandparent's section where photos of them are placed, there they are ... frowning.  I have one or two photos of them with the tiniest half hearted grin, out of many.  I admire your stance on this, and will adopt your take on this too.  I have tried way too hard.  Good luck !!!!!
12/5
Well, I don’t feel so lonely anymore …  Technically, my MIL is not my MIL.  My boyfriend and I decided to have a baby together, as we are both not exactly spring chickens.  Shortly after, we decided to also get married, and announced to both families our intentions.  And shortly after that, we were blessed with a pregnancy that we both welcomed.  We thought it would take at least 6 months!  A month before we were to get married, we took a trip to visit his family, and we were moving into a house together at about the same time.  On our return, we were both so tired, and under the stress of everything, we had an argument that lasted longer than it should have.  I admit to my mistake here: I wrote him a letter saying how upset I was, and that I didn’t like how he was talking to me.  His mistake: seeking support from his M, he copied it on to her!  The next day she called me, and as we had been civil up to then, I guess I kind of expected her to ask what he said to me, and shouldn’t we try to patch it up?  Wrong, of course, and this is where I discovered that all her apparent niceness to me was just a farce, and she was welcoming the moment when I would slip up.  Along with my equally dear SIL, she proceeded to tell me how I was a tramp, getting pregnant just to trap her son into marrying me, and that I’m the type that gets pregnant for men so that they will maintain me.  Never mind the fact that I’m 35, never married, and this is my first child!  I obviously go around doing this sort of thing all the time!  She stipulated that she would not come to the wedding if he married "that girl".  Things got so messy anyway, that we had to cancel, and I moved out.  She took the copy of my letter to a psychologist and a lawyer to get it evaluated, and she has hired a private investigator to find out if I have any dirt in my past, and even to find out if my university degree is valid!  She wouldn’t admit to my fiancé that the information received (often inexact) came from an investigator, so she said it came from a member of my family who’s dishing out the dirt on me.  Up to now, she cannot put a name to this family member.  She’s also claimed that my family is investigating her family, so that gives her the right to find out what she can about mine!  Worse, what she doesn’t know about me, she makes up.  Can’t do anything right.  If I have an opinion, that opinion is wrong.  If I don’t, I’m spineless.  She has also said that any child of mine (the tramp) cannot be her grandchild, and that my fiancé should even arrange for a DNA test to prove he’s the father!  Thanks to her, we now may not marry at all, even with the baby coming.  I have not had the luxury of enjoying this pregnancy at all, and feel I am not even allowed to get emotional "like a pregnant woman".  It’s been hard.  I’ve been carrying this load and worry on my own (my family thinks I should just cut him off completely), and hope the baby doesn’t suffer too much from what I’ve been through while carrying him.  I can’t help thinking she’s won, but I wonder if even that will make her happy.  What’s left of our relationship?  We’re both miserable apart from each other, and there’s still a lot of love there, but as long as he doesn’t stand up for me, we cannot have a decent life together.  It’s up to him now.  And this is just the tip of the iceberg.  Perhaps one day I’ll post more ...
12/1
         Signed - Has She Won?


RESPONSE:  has she won?
Your family is right, cut him off immediately.  It is better that they think the child is not your boyfriend's because they will open a custody case and claim you are an unfit mother!  See the light, let him go and enjoy your baby.  You are not a tramp, you are a mature woman that does not need anybody's approval to make personal decisions.  Be strong
12/2
RESPONSE:  Has she won?
Oh my lord.  While this woman was at the psychologist's office getting your letter examined, she should have had her HEAD examined!  I cannot even start to understand the pain you must be going through.  She sounds insane!  Print my reply and SHOW IT TO HER.  She needs desperately to get a life.  And your fiancé, my gosh.  What is wrong with him?  He needs to stand up to this excuse for a woman.  She is way out of bounds.  I have had my share of IL problems, but your story beats all I've ever seen, or perhaps, will ever see in the future.  I feel so badly for you.  Being pregnant is the most wonderful experience a woman goes through.  And you are not even able to enjoy what's supposed to be one of the happiest moments of your life.  I am so sad about this.  Please, try to reason with your fiancé.  Set rules and boundaries with him, and especially his sorry excuse for a mother.  And if he can't be supportive, get out of the relationship and GET OUT FAST!  This must be emotionally draining you.  You don't need this in your life now, or in the future.  I know this response may not be much help to you, but please know that I'm saying a prayer for you.  You are in my thoughts.  Don't think you need to be with him for the baby's sake.  You and your baby will be fine if he isn't going to be in your life.  Do what's best for you, and in my opinion, that is to get far far far away from this LOONY WOMAN.  We are here for you.  Please post back soon with an update.  Best wishes.
12/2
RESPONSE:  has she won?
I agree with your family, that you need to stay out of this relationship for your child's sake.  It is better for your child to be surrounded by a family that loves him/her than to be associated with fiancé's toxic family.  I also agree with an earlier response that said it's better that in-laws think the child is someone else's, otherwise they may fight for custody of YOUR child.  Insane as it sounds, it can happen.  A friend of mine is currently fighting her in-laws for custody of her daughter.  Her ex-husband was killed in an accident while driving intoxicated, and her in-laws blame her.  I never knew a good mother would have to fight for custody of her OWN CHILD with her in-laws -- it's frightening!!!  Your fiancé's mother sounds like the type that would do this.  Stay away from him and his family!
12/3
RESPONSE:  has she won
I am in the same boat!  I decided it was not going to be my baby's loss, but hers!  Whatever can tick her off more than her son being with me and his new family, I don't know.  She knows my deceased mother's name, and had her old lady friend call my house asking for her and quickly asking how the kids are?  Is that the same kind of personality, or what?  My boyfriend sees her wicked ways, but can't prove it.  Well, she will be buried in the same cemetery as my mom someday.  I do believe you must answer to your evilness, what goes around comes around, that's why the world is round!  I want her to apologize for that one, any opinions? (there were other "phony" calls while we were broken up) ... You wouldn't believe how old she is and acts like that.
12/4
RESPONSE:  Has She Won?
I don't mean to be rude, but if your fiancé was any kind of a man, he would have enough balls to tell his mother to get a life and mind her own business.

As for your "Mother In Law" ... there are quite a few shallow holes in the dessert of Nevada with her name written all over them.  I would let that woman know in no uncertain terms that she could pucker up and kiss me square in the a**  Go back to your fiancé, patch things up and keep that "woman" at a great distance, and assure your fiancé that SHE will never have a thing to do with the baby, since she was so quick to say it wasn't HER grandchild.  If he can't take that, pack your bags and take that baby, and fry dh for all the child support you can get.

That woman needs some serious mental help!  I do not envy you hun. 
12/5
I have been married for 14 months and I still have problems with my MIL.  I met my husband in high school when I was 15 and he was 17.  We went together on and off for over 11 years before we were married.  During those years his mother has always been a problem.  She divorced my husband's father when my husband was 9 years old.  She raised him and his younger brother.  She has issues with her father, who drank and emotionally abused her, but he died a long time ago and she has yet to deal with it.  She is very controlling and demanding.  When my husband was 17, and a senior in high school, he played baseball, and she would go to all of his games and insist that he go home with her.  She would call constantly to my home at early hours and tell him he had to come home to get to bed.  When he went off to college she didn't bug him as much, but when he would return for the summers it was back to the same old thing, calling him at my house and telling him to come home.  She'd make comments that she had to go to bed and didn't want to leave the door unlocked and didn't want to give him a key.  As time progressed and we grew older, she was still calling him to tell him to come home so she could lock up!  This was when he was 23 years old and up.  Every Christmas Eve we would go out to dinner with her and attend a special church service.  We have done that for twelve years now, even though I would like to have been able to have my husband go with my family sometimes.  They understood that this was a "tradition" for her and they accepted it.  When we finally moved away and became engaged she wasn't all that happy.  In fact, when we finally did she brought a married man with her to the wedding!  He walked her down the aisle instead of one of the groomsmen.  Neither my husband nor I wanted him to attend, but she brought him anyway.  My husband's father and his wife came as well.  My MIL even insisted on picking out her blue dress for our wedding before my mother could choose her dress.  She would have had a blue dress, but had to go with another color to keep the peace.  My MIL sat at the wedding looking very depressed the whole time.  By the way, her younger son got married three months prior to us, and she was fine at his.

We recently returned home after having spent 12 days where my parents and his mom live.  We had planned on one week, but he offered to redo her bedroom.  He does specialized painting and effects, such as fake bricks, things like that.  Anyway, he spent every moment of the 12 days at his house doing this job for his mother.  Had he done this in his business it would have taken 3-4 weeks with normal hours and he would have charged approx. $8000.00, but his mom paid him $2500.00, and he spent 12-17 hour days on it.  The last day he had to paint parts different from what he had told her he would do.  She was out of town when he finished and we had to fly back home.  She called us at 1230 AM to tell my husband that he, "hadn't finished and it wasn't done right", instead of telling him what a good job he had done, and how much she appreciated all his hard work.  She wanted to know when he was going to "fix it" and he told her he would fix it soon, and use his free ticket to come up and do it.  I was so angry that he didn't stand up for himself, and I wanted to say something like, "I missed four extra days of work, and paid for you so your son could finish, and this is what we get!"  It also costs us over $160.00 to change our tickets since we stayed longer than expected.

Now she is coming to stay with us right after Christmas.  She will be at our home for a week, and I honestly don't want to spent time with her.  I am always telling my husband that he is a "mama's boy" and he says he's not, but he jumps when she says "jump".  He won't even do that for me.  I have tried to like her, but everything she does, she does because she will get something from it.  Or she doesn't do it.  She totally manipulates my husband, and we have had many an argument because he won't stand up to her.  He doesn't seem to think she is in control of him, more often than not.  I have told him that we need to go to a marriage counselor, but he says he won't go.

By the way, when we came home for the holiday, she told my husband that I needed to help her with the meal preparation because I needed to learn the family recipes, and that I didn't need to help my mother because my sister could do it.  When I told her I wanted to help my mother, she went back to my husband and said she wasn't going to try anymore because I obviously didn't want to help her.  This has been a constant pattern.  She is very controlling and manipulating with her son.  I think it's a very sick relationship.  She treats him more like a husband than a son!  I have asked him to talk with her, and he just blows it off and says "she'll be fine".  HELP!!!
12/4
                signed - he says she'll be fine 

Let me tell you about my mother in law.  I took a vacation and asked her to house sit.  I left her a few hundred, and all she had to do was feed the dogs and cat.  Well, when I came back two weeks later, my cat was dead, the cupboards were bare, my carpet had cigarette burns in it, and she had borrowed an additional few hundred bucks from my father who came up to look at the place.  I was so mad I wanted to divorce my wife.  And, to add insult to injury, she had thrown my cat in the trash.  If I could have gotten away with murder, guess were she would have been.
12/3
                signed - MIL killed my cat 

RESPONSE:  MIL killed my cat
All I can think of to say is that your MIL is appalling!  I'm so sorry to hear about what she did!  You didn't mention how your wife reacted.  I hope that she was as angry as you were!!  I guess you won't be asking her to house sit again, will you?  Poor kitty!
12/4
RESPONSE:  MIL killed my cat
Wow!  My MIL would have been my LATE MIL had she done something like that.  Thankfully, my MIL loves animals, would never hurt one, and would be very upset if one of our cats died in her care.  I'm curious why you said that you almost divorced your wife over it ... even as a joke, that isn't nice.  I say, divorce that MIL right away.  I wouldn't ever keep someone like that in my life.
12/4
This is about the first time I've checked in here since Thanksgiving (after being an almost daily regular!).  And it occurs to me that I'd like to share WHY I didn't need to gripe after Thanksgiving -- because my husband and I came up with a strategy that really helped.

I hated visiting my ILs, because my husband would just go and veg out in front of the TV, and the brunt of the awkward and prying (on my MIL's part) conversations would always fall on me.  Well, if you have a similar problem -- if your husband leaves you to field all the stress yourself -- maybe you can do what we did, if your husband is essentially on your side and wants to help you deal.  This time, he promised me he'd stay right with me, and not just space out and leave me to bear the brunt of all the conversation.  (I always had the feeling that my MIL enjoys hearing my DH talk a lot more than she likes hearing me talk -- she dotes on him! -- and also, that she both resented me for doing all the talking, and NOT talking!  If I was quiet, she'd sulk about that, too.)  So this time, it was much better.  My husband fielded the typical barrage of questions (and boy, is she nosy!), while all I had to do was sit there, once in a while saying something.  It was an evening with its good moments and weird moments.  One weird thing -- maybe I just misunderstood her motivation -- she really tries to be nice.  But, my husband wasn't hungry, and needed to take his leftovers home.  So my MIL told ME (not my DH -- nor did she do it herself), to individually wrap, in aluminum foil, every single leftover on his plate.  The corn, the gravied potatoes, the cranberry sauce!  Thank God my DH once again came to my rescue, and said, couldn't we just put aluminum foil over the WHOLE PLATE?  Also, my husband was pet-sitting for his friend's cats while they were away visiting relatives.  His mother asked him these rapid-fire questions like, "What kind of cat food do they use?", "Is it dry food?", "Where do they keep their litter boxes?", "Is one of them more involved with the cats than the other one?"  She doesn't even know these people -- it's none of her business!  That was more amusing than annoying, but it did get annoying when she began asking US rapid-fire questions about our eating habits at home, injecting some bossy, intrusive advice.  I need to start remembering to have a stiff drink waiting when we get home from these things!  On Christmas, I'll try not to forget!  But it was much better this time, thanks to my DH's efforts, than many other events with the ILs have been.
12/1
                 signed - it was much better this time 

RESPONSE:  it was much better this time
My mother is much the same way.  I grew up with her asking so many questions that I found it odd that my first husband didn't like to visit with my parents.  His mother is not a prying person like my mom, and it also felt odd that I liked his mother better than my own mother.  OK, I still do.

Now I understand that my mom is a fact-based person.  She is probably afraid of her own feelings, so she feels important if she can tell you stuff about everybody.

Anyway, the end result is that I'm afraid to tell her my feelings, and I'm in my mid-40's!  Fortunately, my husband (not the first one I married, but certainly first in my life - ahead of my mom by a long shot) is a lot bigger and taller than my mom - and everyone else in my family - so nobody talks back to him!

My sisters and I have figured out that we should tell her our feelings, even if only to be truthful to ourselves, and I'm working up to it.  We shall see.
12/2
RESPONSE:  it was much better this time 
This is the second time I've read your message today.  I wonder if she was checking to see if you're his little slave.  ha ha NOT!  Just something else for her to pick on you about, huh?  I really wonder the motives of these women who - for the most part - don't have a life of their own.
12/2
RESPONSE:  it was much better this time
P.S. to the first message -- an interesting characteristic (other than all the questions she asks) of my MIL is, she has a GREAT memory.  TOO good, if you ask me.  And I tend to be too forgetful, but that's another story.  A little story about her memory, though: one time (about a year and a half ago) I drove her to a church play my husband was in, and when we got home, he was already there.  He'd driven home himself, and had arrived before we did.  From my car, in our parking lot (she had parked her car in our driveway, and would just drive home from our place), she looked into our house and told me, "Oh, LOOK. J*** is in the BATHROOM!"  I thought that was incredibly strange and nosy of her to point out (and it had already been a weird and stressful evening, riding with her!), but what was even stranger was, the NEXT year (this year, 2000) we did the same thing: My husband was in the same play again, and she and I rode together to see it.  On the way home, she said to me, "Remember last year -- and when we got back home, J**** was in the BATHROOM???!"

I think of the respondent who wrote that she wondered about these women who essentially don't have a life.  Can you even IMAGINE remembering, a year later, that someone was in the bathroom (nothing remarkable about it -- she just saw him through the window, brushing his teeth -- not very memorable, if you ask me!!).  Well, we certainly don't have to worry that she has Alzheimer's disease -- not a chance!
12/3
RESPONSE:  It was much better this time
I'm glad you found a solution to ease the pain of get-togethers with your MIL.  I was laughing when you were talking about the rapid fire questions.  My MIL does the same thing!  The funny thing is, she never gives you time to answer any question, just likes to hear herself talk.  Then, after the conversation, she just fashions a story to other people to make it sound like you did give her the answers and she knows all about it!  I admire your ability to take it all in stride.  I'm not there yet.  Maybe one day ...
12/4
Frequent Fry Her Entry - snorkelbabe - First of 4 NeededI remember the day we told my husband's parents I was pregnant with our first child.  Would you believe they were more excited about the boat being broken into than of their upcoming first grandchild?
12/3
            signed - more excited about boat 

Last year's Thanksgiving Day at my mother in law's house, family and some of her friends sitting at the dinner table ready to start eating, she turned to me and said, in front of everyone, "Why don't you finish eating in the other room with your daughter."  After this comment, I think she likes me a lot !!!!!!!  This year, Thanksgiving, we didn't get together, because she will not miss the opportunity to hurt me, and she keeps doing it over and over again.  And sometimes we think that, because they are older, they could be wiser !!!!!!!  Yeah!  Right !!!!!!!
12/3
            signed - MIL won't miss opportunity to hurt me 

My husband and I got married in August, and throughout the planning for our wedding my MIL was a complete witch.  She talked about my mom and dad behind my back, she made rude comments about my family at the rehearsal, and was also ugly to my bridesmaids.  All in all, she was just jealous because my husband has a wonderful relationship with my family.  After our wedding we started opening up accounts (phone, cable, etc) in our apartment.  Turns out my MIL took my husband's name, and SS# and opened up some of the same accounts a long time ago, and never paid them!  We are driving a car she owns, but we make payments every month.  Turns out that when my husband went to renew his license plate, the plate has been revoked, no insurance on the car, and no taxes have been paid.  He has been driving an illegal car since May.  My husband has paid for commercial insurance due to his job, so she was suppose to keep insurance going on the car.  We had no idea that there was no insurance.  We also would have gladly paid taxes on this car, if we had known.  None of this was brought to our attention.  Needless to say, my husband has tried to call his mom, and she won't return his calls.  Has anyone out there experienced this?  I have never heard of or met anyone calling themselves "mom" that would put their children through this.
12/1
                 signed - MIL put her children through this 

RESPONSE:  MIL put her children through this
I think you need to talk with a lawyer about the bills she has incurred under your husband's name.  I think there may be something done about this with a lawyer's help.  Then you should attempt to pay these off to clear your husband's name.  Your marriage will be easier without these bills hanging over your heads.
12/2
RESPONSE:  Put her child through this
When my husband and I got married, we decided to seek out mortgages for a house, seeing as we had a baby on the way shortly after.  It was MY parents who opened accounts in my name and never paid!  The worst part was that they waited until I was 18 to do it, so this made me responsible.  Fortunately, due to the fact that I was a full-time college student living away from home with no job, and proof of it all, it was wiped off my record!  My husband and I are still steaming over that one!  So, I do know what your hubby is going through.  It's a shame.  Just be sure to never repeat this pattern, no matter what the situation!
12/2
My MIL hates me, to say the least.  She has always made life difficult for anyone who marries into the family, as that person is clearly not good enough for her child.  My husband was from Texas, and I own a home in Oklahoma, so upon our meeting and marrying he moved her to Oklahoma.  After we had moved, his mother called his brother and sister to tell them that I was holding her precious son hostage.  She also told them that I had called her and told her that if she ever wanted to see her son again she had to pay me $200.00 a month.  And, believe me, that is only the beginning.  She also says that I had someone drive to Amarillo and chop the head off of her cement Virgin Mary statue to scare her.  My husband has since stopped speaking to his mother because of the horrible lies she tells about me, and also the horrible names she has called me.  We have an 8 month old son she has never seen.  In fact, we didn't even tell her I was pregnant.  Even after the lengths my husband has gone to keep our lives from being affected by her, it still has not stopped her from calling everyone to tell lies about us.
11/30
                 signed - MIL always made life difficult   [to respond]

My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years now, but have been together for about 7 years.  When I first meet my MIL I loved her.  She was the MIL that I always wanted (until recently).  2 years ago my husband's doctor told him to slow down and find a less stressful job.  My in-laws saw the opportunity to jump at the chance to tell me what they thought of me - that I push him too hard, and never let him rest.  They told me what I should and should not do.  That he did not have to work if he doesn't want to.  After 6 months of him sitting around the house not doing anything to help out, I would come home from my brand new job and have to cook and clean up the mess he would make.  I told him to either go find another job, or go back to school and get the degree to help support us.  So I give up all my dreams and stuff to move into his aunt's house and have him go back to school.  After 2 years of cooking and cleaning for his aunt and uncle,  I bit the bullet and went looking for a place of our own on my salary.  I found it - a nice two bedroom one bath, with a big kitchen.  The problem - well, the rent we were giving to his aunt to hold for us as a savings, she gave it to my in-laws to talk us out of the place.  So, at 11:00 p.m. my husband and I were over at their house trying to get the money back from her.  The complaint they had was that it was too far away from them (the whole reason I liked the place).  In the end, she would not give us the money that we needed, and we lost the place.  Well, guess what?  I found another place, somehow have the money for the deposit, and we are moving in a month.  Every time I am over at my in-law's house they find any way to knock me down, and my husband does nothing about it.  His mother also has the gully to ask why we have not had any kids yet.  So, to get back at her one day I said to her, "We will have kids when we are both stable in our jobs and have the money to give them all that they deserve.  Also, when you stop babying your son.  He is a grown man, and he needs to make decision on his own."  We still are not talking, but after 7 years of having to ask the in-laws if we want to do anything, it is getting crazy.  I have worked by *ss off to support him through school, and everything else he wanted.  I think it is finally time for me to think about my well-being before I have a nervous breakdown.  Wish me well.
11/30
                 signed - worked my *ss off  [to respond]

frequent fry her entry 11/24
                 signed - 5 more months ... 

RESPONSE:  This is a response to "5 more months."
Sounds like you have your work cut out for you with your soon-to-be MIL!  She already feels free to give you some advice with her negative comments.  You handled the situation very well with your awesome comeback!  I bet you can't wait for her future advice on how to raise your kids and clean your house.  She sounds like the type!!!  Best of Luck to you!!!
11/26
RESPONSE:  5 more months
Wow!  You certainly floored her with that response.  Keep it like that, and don't think about her a minute more than necessary.  That way you stay unhurt, and sane.
11/30
Frequent Fry Her Entry Well, let's give thanks that Thanksgiving is over.  MIL ruined it again.  I asked what I could bring - she told me a vegetable.  She knew I wouldn't be home all day to cook it.  She told SIL she could bring pies.  I work -- she doesn't.  We got there early and asked when dinner would be ready.  MIL replied, "I guess when your beans are done."

I know what I would have put in the turkey fryer!!

My husband's grandmother comes to visit from another state, and MIL doesn't even call to tell us.  We live 10 minutes away.  This happened not once, not twice, but three times!
11/29
                 signed - thankful for some things

RESPONSE:  Thankful for some things
I understand your frustration.  Best advice - don't ask her anymore if you can bring something.  If you really want to contribute - surprise them with a dish, or one of your specialties.  I was raised to always ask that question when going somewhere, and MIL has taught that my asking is giving her freedom to say "YES" and then following up the yes with some weird, impossible, or stupid dish or suggestion - which if done (or not done) is NEVER to her liking.  Believe me - some people (MILS) can never be satisfied and it is only vexatious to one's soul to try to please the unpleasable.  Take care!!  Good Luck!
11/30
RESPONSE:  thankful for some things
Wow, I had the same food experience with my mil!  I'd emailed her a few weeks before Thanksgiving about what I could bring.  We live a six hour drive from my il's, so I'd asked for something that wouldn't require a lot of cooking time, since I wouldn't have any.  I was hoping to bring pies, rolls, drinks, anything I didn't have to cook, since I don't have an oven in my car.  She wrote back that she and my sil were making the pies, but she'd love it if I could bring my "missy potatoes", what she calls my sour cream potato dish.  Well, that takes 1 hour to cook, plus preparation time.  I wrote back that I could make the potatoes after we got there, but would have to buy the ingredients for it at a grocery store near their house once we got to town, since the stuff would spoil during the long drive.  She wrote back and said that that particular store would be closed, but I could try one or two of the larger stores in her area - they might be open on Thanksgiving Day.  She didn't even offer to buy the ingredients or make the stupid potatoes herself.  I wondered if she'd even read my original email, asking for something that didn't need a long cooking time.  So it ended up, we made the potatoes and cooked them at their house - and everyone waited to eat Thanksgiving dinner while it was in the oven.  My mil is a passive-aggressive, can be as sweet as sugar on the outside, but is always making little snide remarks and turning martyr if she doesn't get her way.  I'm learning lots of lessons on how NOT to be as a mother in law.  If she came to my house (shudder) for Thanksgiving, I'd *never* make her cook something, after spending 6 hours driving to get to my house.  Thank God I just have to see her about twice a year, and thank God we live six hours away!!
11/30
Well, this is the second time I've posted to this site, and the first time I felt so much better after I posted, I figured I'd do it again.  Only this time the story has escalated.

It's become painfully (literally) clear that my mother-in-law can't stand me, and hasn't liked me from day one.  Only, this time she has gone WAY TOO FAR over the edge.  My FIL recently had to have his second triple bypass surgery.  Knowing that this was a major concern for my husband, and that he loves his father, I consented to going three states away with my husband, our four kids, our dog and my work (since I work from home so I can be at home for our children) with us ... to stay in my MIL's house.  Now, here's one of the problems ... my MIL is a clean freak, and we have two children (from my husband's previous marriage) that are both in some way disabled.  So, I was having to follow after all four kids with cleaning stuff in my hands the whole time I was there.  Plus, while we were at the hospital (anywhere from 4-14 hours a day) we had our children with us.  But, I will say that our children acted wonderfully, and I couldn't have been more proud of them.  My MIL is also the first one to criticize and NEVER provides any constructive advice.

It was made extremely clear to us that we were not raising our children in a manner in which she believed they should be raised, and that one of his sisters is god's gift to motherhood since she works full-time and makes good money ... despite the fact that daycare raises her children.  Well, after a bunch of backstabbing, and his MIL and sister feeding each other's fires about how "awful" my husband and I are ... we had finally had enough when we found out that his MIL and sister had participated in a conversation with his oldest daughter (12 years old) and told her that I am the most evil, vile person they've ever met, and the worst mother they've ever been around.  Our daughter was so upset about this that she was shaking and crying uncontrollably.  So, when we got back to his mother's house my husband told me to keep the kids with me, pack up our belongings, no matter what happened not to say a word to his mother, and that if things "got ugly" to just get the kids out of the house.

Well, I was just zipping up the last bag and we were ready to leave when his mother walked into the room and asked what was going on.  My DH told her that we were leaving and she flew off the handle.  She told him that "her children" (meaning our kids) were not leaving her house, and then proceeded to come after me with her hands towards my neck.  Mind you, our children were present during this whole scenario.  The only thing I could think of was to get our kids out of the house.  My husband had to step in between his mother and me to keep her away from me so I could get the kids away.  This set her off even more, that he was protecting me and not standing up and agreeing with her, and she kept lunging at me.  It finally got to the point where my husband had to physically restrain her so the kids and I could leave the house.  Our kids were now petrified and screaming.  I swear, I've never heard them scream like that before, and God help me that I never hear those sounds again.

I managed to get all the kids out of the house when the MIL followed me outside and tried to "console" our kids ... our children wanted nothing to do with her, and the 12 year old kept yelling at her that she never wants to see her again and that she doesn’t like her anymore.  This set the MIL off again and I told our oldest daughter to get in the car and lock everything up and we would be leaving in just a few minutes.  Thank goodness my husband came out of the house at that point with his arms loaded down with our stuff because my MIL was coming after me again.  Yet again, he had to jump in front of her to keep her away from me.  She then proceeded to call me every name in the book, and said that I was the one tearing her family apart and that she would see us in court so she could see her grandchildren, and then she spat out that I was evil and vile and the worst mother in the world.  Funny how the exact same words she said to our daughter finally made it past her lips in my husband’s and my presence.  (To this day she denies that she ever said this, and so does the SIL.)  At that point my husband stood his ground and said he no longer has a mother and she would never hear from us again, and we finally left MIL’s house headed for a long drive home.

Our children are not the same children we left home with, and have been talking with counselors and have talked with my husband and I extensively about this.  All they keep asking is why can’t "Grandma" be more like their Nana and just be normal?

MIL has called our house numerous times and left an apology on our voice mail (with an apology for me stated as an afterthought).  The only good thing about all of this is that I will never spend another moment with that woman again.
11/28
                 signed - this time the story has escalated

RESPONSE:  regarding 2nd time to post:
This woman is a certified lunatic.  I would get a restraining order on her as fast as possible.  Get a phone block on your phone ($3 a month) and you can black off up to 15 #'s. and block off her phone.  Any letters that come, return them as undeliverable.  Very soon she'll get the message.  This woman is vile, evil, and from hell.  Keep her away from your children.  It sounds like they're scared enough of her anyhow.  And good for you that you have a hubby that backs you up.  That's worth it's weight in gold.  Good luck.
11/29
RESPONSE:  Re: This time the story as escalated.
I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you!  I just got through reading your entry and am appalled at your MIL!!  She sounds like a mean spirited woman!  Your husband is a dear heart!  You are so blessed to have him.  I'm glad to hear that your children are able to talk about it with you and with counselors.  I just wanted to encourage you to try not to worry too much about them, as they're going to be fine.  It's good that they can talk about it, and as they do they'll get it worked out in their hearts and minds.  They know the truth about you, as does your husband.  You sound like a very dear person.  It's wonderful that you won't have to deal with your MIL again.  I wonder what your FIL would have thought of that whole scenario?  Take care and hang in there!!
11/29
RESPONSE:  In response to "this time the story has escalated".
Holy smoke!  Sounds like the woman really went 'round the bend that time.  My heart just breaks for your children, having to deal with this insanity.  Hopefully they will come to realize that Grandma is a sick, sick woman, who went too far, and will no longer be allowed to have contact with them.  Thank heaven that your husband was there, saw it, accepted that she DID do this, and is standing by his family to protect them.  There isn't a lot more you CAN do, I think, except to help the children deal with this in the healthiest way possible.  I think it's very good that you got them into counselors asap - smart lady!  How sad that Grandma let stress betray her into such heinous behavior - it sounds like she knows she blew it, and is hoping for forgiveness.  I don't think you'll give it to her, and I don't think you should - I certainly wouldn't in your shoes.  I'm sorry your husband will not be able to have contact with his father without some extreme contortions of scheduling, if at all.

I think I'd expect you all to break out in rashes and 'the runs' from the stress of such a horrible visit.  That's probably what I'd see in my own family, aside from the more serious mental problems resulting from this kind of scene.

Yuck, yuck, yuck.  Hugs of consolation to you.  Just when I think my own family has proven themselves fairly rude and bitchy, somebody comes up with something that makes mine look like pikers!
11/29
RESPONSE:  Escalated
This woman is the one who is vile.  I am just glad that your children (especially the disabled ones) are lucky enough to get a mother like you, since they were unlucky enough to have a demon for a grandmother.  I think you should stay right away unless she gets serious help, and I also agree with the person who said you should get a restraining order if she contacts you.  It's sad if that means you don't see the other ILs, but your kids health and yours is just not worth this.  Good luck to you.
11/30
RESPONSE:  This time the story has escalated
Help!  I think you just described the future of my life.  My MIL has the sick mind to do the same as yours.  Hang in there.  Keep reassuring the children that their "Grandma" has a problem, and they or you have done nothing wrong.  Try to forgive her (even if you cannot forget) simply to relieve your heart of any hurt or ill feelings.  It doesn't mean you have to reconnect with this woman, but it sounds like she definitely has problems that can only be dealt with under professional guidance.  You did the right thing by leaving, by avoiding her, and I certainly commend you for being there for your children.
11/30
 


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