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|| Overheard in a restaurant:
SHE: This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with
a nutty base, a sharp bite, and
a bitter aftertaste.
He: Are you describing the wine or your mother?
|| I have a MIL the takes
the cake! When she was 18 she was thrown from a car that was
going around 100 mph. Anyway, everyone's suffering started that
day. Since DW and I got married
7 years ago, she has been raising hell and causing trouble between
us. When we started we were both young and just got out of school.
I had a difficult time finding a good job, so my MIL would tell DW
that I was a bum, and she should come home (and she still does that
to this day). We used the MIL's old dresser, and we went out
and bought a new bedroom set. So my beautiful MIL expects me
to put the dresser in my garage and storage it (even tho' she will
never use it!). The whole problem with the dresser going into
the garage is that my new truck is in there. The MIL thinks
that my truck can sit outside in the driveway and her 30 year old
dresser should go into the garage.
#2 Around Christmas time she always wants to take DW's and my
truck instead of driving hers to save on her mileage. Her truck
is a late 80's model and runs good, but she wants everyone to think
that she is someone she isn't (fake jewelry, tungsten
rings, car, expensive furniture). But she really just ends
up making her husband (super nice guy ) work extra overtime.
Then, because she limps (her handicap)
he works overtime and has to clean the house and everything else around
the house. The only time that she wants to see her grandchildren
is when her family from back east comes to visit. Then she acts
like the children are her only worry (FAKER). Our youngest child
hates to go out there. My wife doesn't understand that the baby
feels like you left her at a stranger's house (that is how often the
MIL sees the children, and she lives 10 miles away). What a
joke. I think ... there are so many more that I don't have the
- One Real Winner Of A MIL Here
|| Note: This story
moved here from last week due to recent receipt of a response.
This is the second time I have entered a passage in this site.
I need to vent my frustrations soooo bad. Anyway, we (hubby
and myself) finally got married 2 weeks ago, and things couldn't have
been more perfect. Except for, of course, his mother.
She moped and pouted throughout the whole ceremony, skipped me completely
in the receiving line, and proceeded to pout throughout the reception.
She did not smile in one picture, and did not say as much as hello
to me. The Monday before the wedding, MIL and I had quite the
blowout, and I finally told her where to go and how to get there.
For almost 5 years I have watched her manipulate my DH and make him
feel bad for things he shouldn't feel bad for. She's the #1
Travel agent for guilt trips, and is the biggest sympathy seeker I
know. Until he met me he had the lowest self-esteem because
his mother constantly belittled him. He now (because of me and
my AWESOME parents) holds his head high and is proud to be who he
is. I am fed up with people thinking that, because these women
are our spouses mothers, we have to lay down and be doormats.
Everybody has to earn respect. Even Mothers-In-Law!!!
If you have had enough, put your foot down. Don't smile to be
polite. Demand respect (if you deserve it). I have been
a good girlfriend, fiancée, and now wife to my DH. I have also
been very good to his family. I have officially washed my hands
of in-laws. I am not going to take this anymore!!!
There, now I feel 100% better!
Signed - I Have Had Enough!
RESPONSE: there, now I feel 100% better!
I have the SAME EXACT type of in-laws as yours. Everything in
your story directly reflects my own! Trust me, I feel sooo much
better knowing I am not the only one with this type of problem.
They act like they have to painfully endure our being together, even
though our marriage has been the best thing that ever happened to
their son. In our son's baby book, in the grandparent's section
where photos of them are placed, there they are ... frowning.
I have one or two photos of them with the tiniest half hearted grin,
out of many. I admire your stance on this, and will adopt your
take on this too. I have tried way too hard. Good luck
||Well, I don’t feel so lonely
anymore … Technically, my MIL is not my MIL. My boyfriend
and I decided to have a baby together, as we are both not exactly
spring chickens. Shortly after, we decided to also get married,
and announced to both families our intentions. And shortly after
that, we were blessed with a pregnancy that we both welcomed.
We thought it would take at least 6 months! A month before we
were to get married, we took a trip to visit his family, and we were
moving into a house together at about the same time. On our
return, we were both so tired, and under the stress of everything,
we had an argument that lasted longer than it should have. I
admit to my mistake here: I wrote him a letter saying how upset I
was, and that I didn’t like how he was talking to me. His mistake:
seeking support from his M, he copied it on to her! The next
day she called me, and as we had been civil up to then, I guess I
kind of expected her to ask what he said to me, and shouldn’t we try
to patch it up? Wrong, of course, and this is where I discovered
that all her apparent niceness to me was just a farce, and she was
welcoming the moment when I would slip up. Along with my equally
dear SIL, she proceeded to tell me how I was a tramp, getting pregnant
just to trap her son into marrying me, and that I’m the type that
gets pregnant for men so that they will maintain me. Never mind
the fact that I’m 35, never married, and this is my first child!
I obviously go around doing this sort of thing all the time!
She stipulated that she would not come to the wedding if he married
"that girl". Things got so messy anyway, that we had
to cancel, and I moved out. She took the copy of my letter to
a psychologist and a lawyer to get it evaluated, and she has hired
a private investigator to find out if I have any dirt in my past,
and even to find out if my university degree is valid! She wouldn’t
admit to my fiancé that the information received (often inexact) came
from an investigator, so she said it came from a member of my family
who’s dishing out the dirt on me. Up to now, she cannot put
a name to this family member. She’s also claimed that my family
is investigating her family, so that gives her the right to find out
what she can about mine! Worse, what she doesn’t know about
me, she makes up. Can’t do anything right. If I have an
opinion, that opinion is wrong. If I don’t, I’m spineless.
She has also said that any child of mine (the tramp) cannot be her
grandchild, and that my fiancé should even arrange for a DNA test
to prove he’s the father! Thanks to her, we now may not marry
at all, even with the baby coming. I have not had the luxury
of enjoying this pregnancy at all, and feel I am not even allowed
to get emotional "like a pregnant woman". It’s been
hard. I’ve been carrying this load and worry on my own (my family
thinks I should just cut him off completely), and hope the baby doesn’t
suffer too much from what I’ve been through while carrying him.
I can’t help thinking she’s won, but I wonder if even that will make
her happy. What’s left of our relationship? We’re both
miserable apart from each other, and there’s still a lot of love there,
but as long as he doesn’t stand up for me, we cannot have a decent
life together. It’s up to him now. And this is just the
tip of the iceberg. Perhaps one day I’ll post more ...
Signed - Has She Won?
RESPONSE: has she won?
Your family is right, cut him off immediately. It is better
that they think the child is not your boyfriend's because they will
open a custody case and claim you are an unfit mother! See the
light, let him go and enjoy your baby. You are not a tramp,
you are a mature woman that does not need anybody's approval to make
personal decisions. Be strong
RESPONSE: Has she won?
Oh my lord. While this woman was at the psychologist's office
getting your letter examined, she should have had her HEAD examined!
I cannot even start to understand the pain you must be going through.
She sounds insane! Print my reply and SHOW IT TO HER.
She needs desperately to get a life. And your fiancé, my gosh.
What is wrong with him? He needs to stand up to this excuse
for a woman. She is way out of bounds. I have had my share
of IL problems, but your story beats all I've ever seen, or perhaps,
will ever see in the future. I feel so badly for you.
Being pregnant is the most wonderful experience a woman goes through.
And you are not even able to enjoy what's supposed to be one of the
happiest moments of your life. I am so sad about this.
Please, try to reason with your fiancé. Set rules and boundaries
with him, and especially his sorry excuse for a mother. And
if he can't be supportive, get out of the relationship and GET OUT
FAST! This must be emotionally draining you. You don't
need this in your life now, or in the future. I know this response
may not be much help to you, but please know that I'm saying a prayer
for you. You are in my thoughts. Don't think you need
to be with him for the baby's sake. You and your baby will be
fine if he isn't going to be in your life. Do what's best for
you, and in my opinion, that is to get far far far away from this
LOONY WOMAN. We are here for you. Please post back soon
with an update. Best wishes.
RESPONSE: has she won?
I agree with your family, that you need to stay out of this relationship
for your child's sake. It is better for your child to be surrounded
by a family that loves him/her than to be associated with fiancé's
toxic family. I also agree with an earlier response that said
it's better that in-laws think the child is someone else's, otherwise
they may fight for custody of YOUR child. Insane as it sounds,
it can happen. A friend of mine is currently fighting her in-laws
for custody of her daughter. Her ex-husband was killed in an
accident while driving intoxicated, and her in-laws blame her.
I never knew a good mother would have to fight for custody of her
OWN CHILD with her in-laws -- it's frightening!!! Your fiancé's
mother sounds like the type that would do this. Stay away from
him and his family!
RESPONSE: has she won
I am in the same boat! I decided it was not going to be my baby's
loss, but hers! Whatever can tick her off more than her son
being with me and his new family, I don't know. She knows my
deceased mother's name, and had her old lady friend call my house
asking for her and quickly asking how the kids are? Is that
the same kind of personality, or what? My boyfriend sees her
wicked ways, but can't prove it. Well, she will be buried in
the same cemetery as my mom someday. I do believe you must answer
to your evilness, what goes around comes around, that's why the world
is round! I want her to apologize for that one, any opinions?
(there were other "phony" calls while we were broken up)
... You wouldn't believe how old she is and acts like that.
RESPONSE: Has She Won?
I don't mean to be rude, but if your fiancé was any kind of a man,
he would have enough balls to tell his mother to get a life and mind
her own business.
As for your "Mother In Law" ... there are quite a few shallow
holes in the dessert of Nevada with her name written all over them.
I would let that woman know in no uncertain terms that she could pucker
up and kiss me square in the a** Go back to your fiancé, patch
things up and keep that "woman" at a great distance, and
assure your fiancé that SHE will never have a thing to do with the
baby, since she was so quick to say it wasn't HER grandchild.
If he can't take that, pack your bags and take that baby, and fry
dh for all the child support you can get.
That woman needs some serious mental help! I do not envy you
||I have been married for
14 months and I still have problems with my MIL. I met my husband
in high school when I was 15 and he was 17. We went together
on and off for over 11 years before we were married. During
those years his mother has always been a problem. She divorced
my husband's father when my husband was 9 years old. She raised
him and his younger brother. She has issues with her father,
who drank and emotionally abused her, but he died a long time ago
and she has yet to deal with it. She is very controlling and
demanding. When my husband was 17, and a senior in high school,
he played baseball, and she would go to all of his games and insist
that he go home with her. She would call constantly to my home
at early hours and tell him he had to come home to get to bed.
When he went off to college she didn't bug him as much, but when he
would return for the summers it was back to the same old thing, calling
him at my house and telling him to come home. She'd make comments
that she had to go to bed and didn't want to leave the door unlocked
and didn't want to give him a key. As time progressed and we
grew older, she was still calling him to tell him to come home so
she could lock up! This was when he was 23 years old and up.
Every Christmas Eve we would go out to dinner with her and attend
a special church service. We have done that for twelve years
now, even though I would like to have been able to have my husband
go with my family sometimes. They understood that this was a
"tradition" for her and they accepted it. When we finally moved
away and became engaged she wasn't all that happy. In fact,
when we finally did she brought a married man with her to the wedding!
He walked her down the aisle instead of one of the groomsmen.
Neither my husband nor I wanted him to attend, but she brought him
anyway. My husband's father and his wife came as well.
My MIL even insisted on picking out her blue dress for our wedding
before my mother could choose her dress. She would have had
a blue dress, but had to go with another color to keep the peace.
My MIL sat at the wedding looking very depressed the whole time.
By the way, her younger son got married three months prior to us,
and she was fine at his.
We recently returned home after having spent 12 days where my parents
and his mom live. We had planned on one week, but he offered
to redo her bedroom. He does specialized painting and effects,
such as fake bricks, things like that. Anyway, he spent every
moment of the 12 days at his house doing this job for his mother.
Had he done this in his business it would have taken 3-4 weeks with
normal hours and he would have charged approx. $8000.00, but his mom
paid him $2500.00, and he spent 12-17 hour days on it. The last
day he had to paint parts different from what he had told her he would
do. She was out of town when he finished and we had to fly back
home. She called us at 1230 AM to tell my husband that he, "hadn't
finished and it wasn't done right", instead of telling him what
a good job he had done, and how much she appreciated all his hard
work. She wanted to know when he was going to "fix it"
and he told her he would fix it soon, and use his free ticket to come
up and do it. I was so angry that he didn't stand up for himself,
and I wanted to say something like, "I missed four extra days
of work, and paid for you so your son could finish, and this is what
we get!" It also costs us over $160.00 to change our tickets
since we stayed longer than expected.
Now she is coming to stay with us right after Christmas. She
will be at our home for a week, and I honestly don't want to spent
time with her. I am always telling my husband that he is a "mama's
boy" and he says he's not, but he jumps when she says "jump".
He won't even do that for me. I have tried to like her, but
everything she does, she does because she will get something from
it. Or she doesn't do it. She totally manipulates my husband,
and we have had many an argument because he won't stand up to her.
He doesn't seem to think she is in control of him, more often than
not. I have told him that we need to go to a marriage counselor,
but he says he won't go.
By the way, when we came home for the holiday, she told my husband
that I needed to help her with the meal preparation because I needed
to learn the family recipes, and that I didn't need to help my mother
because my sister could do it. When I told her I wanted to help
my mother, she went back to my husband and said she wasn't going to
try anymore because I obviously didn't want to help her. This
has been a constant pattern. She is very controlling and manipulating
with her son. I think it's a very sick relationship. She
treats him more like a husband than a son! I have asked him
to talk with her, and he just blows it off and says "she'll be
signed - he says she'll be fine
||Let me tell you about my
mother in law. I took a vacation and asked her to house sit.
I left her a few hundred, and all she had to do was feed the dogs
and cat. Well, when I came back two weeks later, my cat was
dead, the cupboards were bare, my carpet had cigarette burns in it,
and she had borrowed an additional few hundred bucks from my father
who came up to look at the place. I was so mad I wanted to divorce
my wife. And, to add insult to injury, she had thrown my cat
in the trash. If I could have gotten away with murder, guess
were she would have been.
signed - MIL killed my cat
RESPONSE: MIL killed my cat
All I can think of to say is that your MIL is appalling! I'm
so sorry to hear about what she did! You didn't mention how
your wife reacted. I hope that she was as angry as you were!!
I guess you won't be asking her to house sit again, will you?
RESPONSE: MIL killed my cat
Wow! My MIL would have been my LATE MIL had she done something
like that. Thankfully, my MIL loves animals, would never hurt
one, and would be very upset if one of our cats died in her care.
I'm curious why you said that you almost divorced your wife over it
... even as a joke, that isn't nice. I say, divorce that MIL
right away. I wouldn't ever keep someone like that in my life.
|| This is about the first
time I've checked in here since Thanksgiving (after being an almost
daily regular!). And it occurs to me that I'd like to share
WHY I didn't need to gripe after Thanksgiving -- because my husband
and I came up with a strategy that really helped.
I hated visiting my ILs, because my husband would just go and veg
out in front of the TV, and the brunt of the awkward and prying (on
my MIL's part) conversations would always fall on me. Well,
if you have a similar problem -- if your husband leaves you to field
all the stress yourself -- maybe you can do what we did, if your husband
is essentially on your side and wants to help you deal. This
time, he promised me he'd stay right with me, and not just space out
and leave me to bear the brunt of all the conversation. (I always
had the feeling that my MIL enjoys hearing my DH talk a lot more than
she likes hearing me talk -- she dotes on him! -- and also, that she
both resented me for doing all the talking, and NOT talking!
If I was quiet, she'd sulk about that, too.) So this time, it
was much better. My husband fielded the typical barrage of questions
(and boy, is she nosy!), while all I had to do was sit there, once
in a while saying something. It was an evening with its good
moments and weird moments. One weird thing -- maybe I just misunderstood
her motivation -- she really tries to be nice. But, my husband
wasn't hungry, and needed to take his leftovers home. So my
MIL told ME (not my DH -- nor did she do it herself), to individually
wrap, in aluminum foil, every single leftover on his plate.
The corn, the gravied potatoes, the cranberry sauce! Thank God
my DH once again came to my rescue, and said, couldn't we just put
aluminum foil over the WHOLE PLATE? Also, my husband was pet-sitting
for his friend's cats while they were away visiting relatives.
His mother asked him these rapid-fire questions like, "What kind
of cat food do they use?", "Is it dry food?", "Where
do they keep their litter boxes?", "Is one of them more
involved with the cats than the other one?" She doesn't
even know these people -- it's none of her business! That was
more amusing than annoying, but it did get annoying when she began
asking US rapid-fire questions about our eating habits at home, injecting
some bossy, intrusive advice. I need to start remembering to
have a stiff drink waiting when we get home from these things!
On Christmas, I'll try not to forget! But it was much better
this time, thanks to my DH's efforts, than many other events with
the ILs have been.
signed - it was much better this time
RESPONSE: it was much better this time
My mother is much the same way. I grew up with her asking so
many questions that I found it odd that my first husband didn't like
to visit with my parents. His mother is not a prying person
like my mom, and it also felt odd that I liked his mother better than
my own mother. OK, I still do.
Now I understand that my mom is a fact-based person. She is
probably afraid of her own feelings, so she feels important if she
can tell you stuff about everybody.
Anyway, the end result is that I'm afraid to tell her my feelings,
and I'm in my mid-40's! Fortunately, my husband (not the first
one I married, but certainly first in my life - ahead of my mom by
a long shot) is a lot bigger and taller than my mom - and everyone
else in my family - so nobody talks back to him!
My sisters and I have figured out that we should tell her our feelings,
even if only to be truthful to ourselves, and I'm working up to it.
We shall see.
RESPONSE: it was much better this time
This is the second time I've read your message today. I wonder
if she was checking to see if you're his little slave. ha ha
NOT! Just something else for her to pick on you about, huh?
I really wonder the motives of these women who - for the most part
- don't have a life of their own.
RESPONSE: it was much better this time
P.S. to the first message -- an interesting characteristic (other
than all the questions she asks) of my MIL is, she has a GREAT memory.
TOO good, if you ask me. And I tend to be too forgetful, but
that's another story. A little story about her memory, though:
one time (about a year and a half ago) I drove her to a church play
my husband was in, and when we got home, he was already there.
He'd driven home himself, and had arrived before we did. From
my car, in our parking lot (she had parked her car in our driveway,
and would just drive home from our place), she looked into our house
and told me, "Oh, LOOK. J*** is in the BATHROOM!"
I thought that was incredibly strange and nosy of her to point out
(and it had already been a weird and stressful evening, riding with
her!), but what was even stranger was, the NEXT year (this year, 2000)
we did the same thing: My husband was in the same play again, and
she and I rode together to see it. On the way home, she said
to me, "Remember last year -- and when we got back home, J****
was in the BATHROOM???!"
I think of the respondent who wrote that she wondered about these
women who essentially don't have a life. Can you even IMAGINE
remembering, a year later, that someone was in the bathroom (nothing
remarkable about it -- she just saw him through the window, brushing
his teeth -- not very memorable, if you ask me!!). Well, we
certainly don't have to worry that she has Alzheimer's disease --
not a chance!
RESPONSE: It was much better this time
I'm glad you found a solution to ease the pain of get-togethers with
your MIL. I was laughing when you were talking about the rapid
fire questions. My MIL does the same thing! The funny
thing is, she never gives you time to answer any question, just likes
to hear herself talk. Then, after the conversation, she just
fashions a story to other people to make it sound like you did give
her the answers and she knows all about it! I admire your ability
to take it all in stride. I'm not there yet. Maybe one
|| I remember the day we told my husband's
parents I was pregnant with our first child. Would you believe
they were more excited about the boat being broken into than of their
upcoming first grandchild?
signed - more excited about boat
|| Last year's Thanksgiving
Day at my mother in law's house, family and some of her friends sitting
at the dinner table ready to start eating, she turned to me and said,
in front of everyone, "Why don't you finish eating in the other
room with your daughter." After this comment, I think she
likes me a lot !!!!!!! This year, Thanksgiving, we didn't get
together, because she will not miss the opportunity to hurt me, and
she keeps doing it over and over again. And sometimes we think
that, because they are older, they could be wiser !!!!!!! Yeah!
signed - MIL won't miss opportunity to hurt me
|| My husband and I got married
in August, and throughout the planning for our wedding my MIL was
a complete witch. She talked about my mom and dad behind my
back, she made rude comments about my family at the rehearsal, and
was also ugly to my bridesmaids. All in all, she was just jealous
because my husband has a wonderful relationship with my family.
After our wedding we started opening up accounts (phone, cable, etc)
in our apartment. Turns out my MIL took my husband's name, and
SS# and opened up some of the same accounts a long time ago, and never
paid them! We are driving a car she owns, but we make payments
every month. Turns out that when my husband went to renew his
license plate, the plate has been revoked, no insurance on the car,
and no taxes have been paid. He has been driving an illegal
car since May. My husband has paid for commercial insurance
due to his job, so she was suppose to keep insurance going on the
car. We had no idea that there was no insurance. We also
would have gladly paid taxes on this car, if we had known. None
of this was brought to our attention. Needless to say, my husband
has tried to call his mom, and she won't return his calls. Has
anyone out there experienced this? I have never heard of or
met anyone calling themselves "mom" that would put their
children through this.
signed - MIL put her children through this
RESPONSE: MIL put her children through this
I think you need to talk with a lawyer about the bills she has incurred
under your husband's name. I think there may be something done
about this with a lawyer's help. Then you should attempt to
pay these off to clear your husband's name. Your marriage will
be easier without these bills hanging over your heads.
RESPONSE: Put her child through this
When my husband and I got married, we decided to seek out mortgages
for a house, seeing as we had a baby on the way shortly after.
It was MY parents who opened accounts in my name and never paid!
The worst part was that they waited until I was 18 to do it, so this
made me responsible. Fortunately, due to the fact that I was
a full-time college student living away from home with no job, and
proof of it all, it was wiped off my record! My husband and
I are still steaming over that one! So, I do know what your
hubby is going through. It's a shame. Just be sure to
never repeat this pattern, no matter what the situation!
||My MIL hates me, to say
the least. She has always made life difficult for anyone who
marries into the family, as that person is clearly not good enough
for her child. My husband was from Texas, and I own a home in
Oklahoma, so upon our meeting and marrying he moved her to Oklahoma.
After we had moved, his mother called his brother and sister to tell
them that I was holding her precious son hostage. She also told
them that I had called her and told her that if she ever wanted to
see her son again she had to pay me $200.00 a month. And, believe
me, that is only the beginning. She also says that I had someone
drive to Amarillo and chop the head off of her cement Virgin Mary
statue to scare her. My husband has since stopped speaking to
his mother because of the horrible lies she tells about me, and also
the horrible names she has called me. We have an 8 month old
son she has never seen. In fact, we didn't even tell her I was
pregnant. Even after the lengths my husband has gone to keep
our lives from being affected by her, it still has not stopped her
from calling everyone to tell lies about us.
signed - MIL always made life difficult [to respond]
||My husband and I have been
married for a little over 2 years now, but have been together for
about 7 years. When I first meet my MIL I loved her. She
was the MIL that I always wanted (until recently). 2 years ago
my husband's doctor told him to slow down and find a less stressful
job. My in-laws saw the opportunity to jump at the chance to
tell me what they thought of me - that I push him too hard, and never
let him rest. They told me what I should and should not do.
That he did not have to work if he doesn't want to. After 6
months of him sitting around the house not doing anything to help
out, I would come home from my brand new job and have to cook and
clean up the mess he would make. I told him to either go find
another job, or go back to school and get the degree to help support
us. So I give up all my dreams and stuff to move into his aunt's
house and have him go back to school. After 2 years of cooking
and cleaning for his aunt and uncle, I bit the bullet and went
looking for a place of our own on my salary. I found it - a
nice two bedroom one bath, with a big kitchen. The problem -
well, the rent we were giving to his aunt to hold for us as a savings,
she gave it to my in-laws to talk us out of the place. So, at
11:00 p.m. my husband and I were over at their house trying to get
the money back from her. The complaint they had was that it
was too far away from them (the whole reason I liked the place).
In the end, she would not give us the money that we needed, and we
lost the place. Well, guess what? I found another place,
somehow have the money for the deposit, and we are moving in a month.
Every time I am over at my in-law's house they find any way to knock
me down, and my husband does nothing about it. His mother also
has the gully to ask why we have not had any kids yet. So, to
get back at her one day I said to her, "We will have kids when
we are both stable in our jobs and have the money to give them all
that they deserve. Also, when you stop babying your son.
He is a grown man, and he needs to make decision on his own."
We still are not talking, but after 7 years of having to ask the in-laws
if we want to do anything, it is getting crazy. I have worked
by *ss off to support him through school, and everything else he wanted.
I think it is finally time for me to think about my well-being before
I have a nervous breakdown. Wish me well.
signed - worked my *ss off [to respond]
signed - 5 more months ...
RESPONSE: This is a response to "5 more months."
Sounds like you have your work cut out for you with your soon-to-be
MIL! She already feels free to give you some advice with her
negative comments. You handled the situation very well with
your awesome comeback! I bet you can't wait for her future advice
on how to raise your kids and clean your house. She sounds like
the type!!! Best of Luck to you!!!
RESPONSE: 5 more months
Wow! You certainly floored her with that response. Keep
it like that, and don't think about her a minute more than necessary.
That way you stay unhurt, and sane.
|| Well, let's give thanks that Thanksgiving
is over. MIL ruined it again. I asked what I could bring
- she told me a vegetable. She knew I wouldn't be home all day
to cook it. She told SIL she could bring pies. I work
-- she doesn't. We got there early and asked when dinner would
be ready. MIL replied, "I guess when your beans are done."
I know what I would have put in the turkey fryer!!
My husband's grandmother comes to visit from another state, and MIL
doesn't even call to tell us. We live 10 minutes away.
This happened not once, not twice, but three times!
signed - thankful for some things
RESPONSE: Thankful for some things
I understand your frustration. Best advice - don't ask her anymore
if you can bring something. If you really want to contribute
- surprise them with a dish, or one of your specialties. I was
raised to always ask that question when going somewhere, and MIL has
taught that my asking is giving her freedom to say "YES"
and then following up the yes with some weird, impossible, or stupid
dish or suggestion - which if done (or not done) is NEVER to her liking.
Believe me - some people (MILS) can never be satisfied and it is only
vexatious to one's soul to try to please the unpleasable. Take
care!! Good Luck!
RESPONSE: thankful for some things
Wow, I had the same food experience with my mil! I'd emailed
her a few weeks before Thanksgiving about what I could bring.
We live a six hour drive from my il's, so I'd asked for something
that wouldn't require a lot of cooking time, since I wouldn't have
any. I was hoping to bring pies, rolls, drinks, anything I didn't
have to cook, since I don't have an oven in my car. She wrote
back that she and my sil were making the pies, but she'd love it if
I could bring my "missy potatoes", what she calls my sour
cream potato dish. Well, that takes 1 hour to cook, plus preparation
time. I wrote back that I could make the potatoes after we got
there, but would have to buy the ingredients for it at a grocery store
near their house once we got to town, since the stuff would spoil
during the long drive. She wrote back and said that that particular
store would be closed, but I could try one or two of the larger stores
in her area - they might be open on Thanksgiving Day. She didn't
even offer to buy the ingredients or make the stupid potatoes herself.
I wondered if she'd even read my original email, asking for something
that didn't need a long cooking time. So it ended up, we made
the potatoes and cooked them at their house - and everyone waited
to eat Thanksgiving dinner while it was in the oven. My mil
is a passive-aggressive, can be as sweet as sugar on the outside,
but is always making little snide remarks and turning martyr if she
doesn't get her way. I'm learning lots of lessons on how NOT
to be as a mother in law. If she came to my house (shudder)
for Thanksgiving, I'd *never* make her cook something, after spending
6 hours driving to get to my house. Thank God I just have to
see her about twice a year, and thank God we live six hours away!!
|| Well, this is the second
time I've posted to this site, and the first time I felt so much better
after I posted, I figured I'd do it again. Only this time the
story has escalated.
It's become painfully (literally) clear that my mother-in-law can't
stand me, and hasn't liked me from day one. Only, this time
she has gone WAY TOO FAR over the edge. My FIL recently had
to have his second triple bypass surgery. Knowing that this
was a major concern for my husband, and that he loves his father,
I consented to going three states away with my husband, our four kids,
our dog and my work (since I work from home so I can be at home for
our children) with us ... to stay in my MIL's house. Now, here's
one of the problems ... my MIL is a clean freak, and we have two children
(from my husband's previous marriage) that are both in some way disabled.
So, I was having to follow after all four kids with cleaning stuff
in my hands the whole time I was there. Plus, while we were
at the hospital (anywhere from 4-14 hours a day) we had our children
with us. But, I will say that our children acted wonderfully,
and I couldn't have been more proud of them. My MIL is also
the first one to criticize and NEVER provides any constructive advice.
It was made extremely clear to us that we were not raising our children
in a manner in which she believed they should be raised, and that
one of his sisters is god's gift to motherhood since she works full-time
and makes good money ... despite the fact that daycare raises her
children. Well, after a bunch of backstabbing, and his MIL and
sister feeding each other's fires about how "awful" my husband
and I are ... we had finally had enough when we found out that his
MIL and sister had participated in a conversation with his oldest
daughter (12 years old) and told her that I am the most evil, vile
person they've ever met, and the worst mother they've ever been around.
Our daughter was so upset about this that she was shaking and crying
uncontrollably. So, when we got back to his mother's house my
husband told me to keep the kids with me, pack up our belongings,
no matter what happened not to say a word to his mother, and that
if things "got ugly" to just get the kids out of the house.
Well, I was just zipping up the last bag and we were ready to leave
when his mother walked into the room and asked what was going on.
My DH told her that we were leaving and she flew off the handle.
She told him that "her children" (meaning our kids) were
not leaving her house, and then proceeded to come after me with her
hands towards my neck. Mind you, our children were present during
this whole scenario. The only thing I could think of was to
get our kids out of the house. My husband had to step in between
his mother and me to keep her away from me so I could get the kids
away. This set her off even more, that he was protecting me
and not standing up and agreeing with her, and she kept lunging at
me. It finally got to the point where my husband had to physically
restrain her so the kids and I could leave the house. Our kids
were now petrified and screaming. I swear, I've never heard
them scream like that before, and God help me that I never hear those
I managed to get all the kids out of the house when the MIL followed
me outside and tried to "console" our kids ... our children
wanted nothing to do with her, and the 12 year old kept yelling at
her that she never wants to see her again and that she doesn’t like
her anymore. This set the MIL off again and I told our oldest
daughter to get in the car and lock everything up and we would be
leaving in just a few minutes. Thank goodness my husband came
out of the house at that point with his arms loaded down with our
stuff because my MIL was coming after me again. Yet again, he
had to jump in front of her to keep her away from me. She then
proceeded to call me every name in the book, and said that I was the
one tearing her family apart and that she would see us in court so
she could see her grandchildren, and then she spat out that I was
evil and vile and the worst mother in the world. Funny how the
exact same words she said to our daughter finally made it past her
lips in my husband’s and my presence. (To this day she denies
that she ever said this, and so does the SIL.) At that point
my husband stood his ground and said he no longer has a mother and
she would never hear from us again, and we finally left MIL’s house
headed for a long drive home.
Our children are not the same children we left home with, and have
been talking with counselors and have talked with my husband and I
extensively about this. All they keep asking is why can’t "Grandma"
be more like their Nana and just be normal?
MIL has called our house numerous times and left an apology on our
voice mail (with an apology for me stated as an afterthought).
The only good thing about all of this is that I will never spend another
moment with that woman again.
signed - this time the story has escalated
RESPONSE: regarding 2nd time to post:
This woman is a certified lunatic. I would get a restraining
order on her as fast as possible. Get a phone block on your
phone ($3 a month) and you can black off up to 15 #'s. and block off
her phone. Any letters that come, return them as undeliverable.
Very soon she'll get the message. This woman is vile, evil,
and from hell. Keep her away from your children. It sounds
like they're scared enough of her anyhow. And good for you that
you have a hubby that backs you up. That's worth it's weight
in gold. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Re: This time the story as escalated.
I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you! I just got through
reading your entry and am appalled at your MIL!! She sounds
like a mean spirited woman! Your husband is a dear heart!
You are so blessed to have him. I'm glad to hear that your children
are able to talk about it with you and with counselors. I just
wanted to encourage you to try not to worry too much about them, as
they're going to be fine. It's good that they can talk about
it, and as they do they'll get it worked out in their hearts and minds.
They know the truth about you, as does your husband. You sound
like a very dear person. It's wonderful that you won't have
to deal with your MIL again. I wonder what your FIL would have
thought of that whole scenario? Take care and hang in there!!
RESPONSE: In response to "this time the story has
Holy smoke! Sounds like the woman really went 'round the bend
that time. My heart just breaks for your children, having to
deal with this insanity. Hopefully they will come to realize
that Grandma is a sick, sick woman, who went too far, and will no
longer be allowed to have contact with them. Thank heaven that
your husband was there, saw it, accepted that she DID do this, and
is standing by his family to protect them. There isn't a lot
more you CAN do, I think, except to help the children deal with this
in the healthiest way possible. I think it's very good that
you got them into counselors asap - smart lady! How sad that
Grandma let stress betray her into such heinous behavior - it sounds
like she knows she blew it, and is hoping for forgiveness. I
don't think you'll give it to her, and I don't think you should -
I certainly wouldn't in your shoes. I'm sorry your husband will
not be able to have contact with his father without some extreme contortions
of scheduling, if at all.
I think I'd expect you all to break out in rashes and 'the runs' from
the stress of such a horrible visit. That's probably what I'd
see in my own family, aside from the more serious mental problems
resulting from this kind of scene.
Yuck, yuck, yuck. Hugs of consolation to you. Just when
I think my own family has proven themselves fairly rude and bitchy,
somebody comes up with something that makes mine look like pikers!
This woman is the one who is vile. I am just glad that your
children (especially the disabled ones) are lucky enough to get a
mother like you, since they were unlucky enough to have a demon for
a grandmother. I think you should stay right away unless she
gets serious help, and I also agree with the person who said you should
get a restraining order if she contacts you. It's sad if that
means you don't see the other ILs, but your kids health and yours
is just not worth this. Good luck to you.
RESPONSE: This time the story has escalated
Help! I think you just described the future of my life.
My MIL has the sick mind to do the same as yours. Hang in there.
Keep reassuring the children that their "Grandma" has a
problem, and they or you have done nothing wrong. Try to forgive
her (even if you cannot forget) simply to relieve your heart of any
hurt or ill feelings. It doesn't mean you have to reconnect
with this woman, but it sounds like she definitely has problems that
can only be dealt with under professional guidance. You did
the right thing by leaving, by avoiding her, and I certainly commend
you for being there for your children.