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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
Archives 12/16/00
<--Previous Archive
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It all happened the first
day I met the MIL. I am a college graduate, but was not in a
fraternity (like her husband and sorority for her), BS in business,
but not a Masters like her and husband. Are you seeing the picture?
I worked for a major company and got a bit burned out. I got
lucky and passed high on the Firefighter exam for a major city (making
$19,000 MORE a year with much better benefits). Well, she will
not speak to me because she thinks firefighters are still "hanging
out" drinking beers in the firehouse, and she said, "that's
not a real job"!! Can you believe this? Everyone
knows what we (firefighters) go through (I hope). I tried to
explain to her (with my wife present) that she must stop this behavior,
because we have a baby on the way now! Stay tuned!
12/7
Signed - Fired Up Firefighter
RESPONSE: Fired up Firefighter
You didn't mention your wife sticking up for you. I hope she
does! She should tell her parents that she won't stand for listening
to them put you down anymore. She needs to reinforce what you've
already told them. Maybe that will help. If not, tell
them you don't want to hear it anymore, and don't care what they think.
That will shut the old bat up!!! Firefighters have a tough and
courageous job, and if she can't see that, she needs to come down
from the ivory tower!!! Good Luck!
12/8
RESPONSE: "Fired up firefighter"
Let's see what your MIL will think when she is in a car accident,
or her house goes up in flames, and it's a firefighter who saves her
life. All I know is that being a fireman or policeman is a noble
profession.
12/9
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After trying and praying
for months, we finally conceived our first child. We told my
parents, and they were thrilled. We told my FIL and his wife,
and they were thrilled also. Then, we told the MIL (single,
vicious, lonely). Her first response was sarcasm, "Congrats,
I guess she has you now." I felt like saying, "Excuse
me, my baby is not the hook in your son's mouth." She has
displayed no excitement, no interest, and finally when my DH asked
her what her problem was she said, "Why should I be excited?
Your wife will never let me see the baby." Well, I guess
she is right. While I think no one should be denied the chance
to love a child, I also have serious concerns about her behavior around
the baby. She cusses, makes fun of our religion, "reads"
tarot cards and then uses her "interpretation" for her own
selfish agenda. She argues constantly with DH, and she talks
horribly of me, my other ILs and other family members. Not to
mention, she has already said my baby was my way of "hooking" my husband
on a permanent basis (As if marriage means nothing but gold bands
and shared towels). Am I being unreasonable to have these concerns?
How should I deal with her in the future regarding our child?
12/7
Signed - Marriage Is More
Than Gold Bands
RESPONSE: Marriage is more than gold bands
She sounds a little jealous of a baby that isn't even here yet.
How sad! Who wants to be around someone so negative? Maybe
she acts this way because of her own crappy life! If she's acting
like this now, I would be afraid to leave her alone with the baby.
Your concerns are justified, so don't feel bad. Her response
is enough to tick off anyone. Gee, I wonder why MIL's get a
bad rap!!! I can't tell you what to say to her next negative
comment, but I would respond in a way that she knows you're not happy
with her attitude. Maybe she just needs a dose of reality to
give her an adjustment!!! If she thinks you'll take it, she
might keep up with her nasty comments. Good Luck!
12/8
RESPONSE: marriage is more than gold bands
I agree with you. If your MIL is that bad I wouldn't want my
child around her either. Children are the greatest thing to
happen to two people in love, and I wish you and your husband all
the luck in the world!! Don't let her spoil the fun you will
have growing up with your child.
12/8
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My MIL, who is six hours
away from us, calls only when she needs help with her computer problems.
We are expected to call her at all other times. She left a message
on our machine last week that her computer wouldn't turn on, and for
my DH to call her. After about 45 minutes, on our dime, she
asked him to let her call him back so she could pay for the call (I
am giving her some credit for decency!). My husband provided
all the tech help he could over the phone, then told her that he didn't
know why her machine wasn't working. She then decided that she
was going to ship her entire computer system to us so DH could fix
it. Like he'll have soooooooooo much free time two weeks before
Christmas. He's already swamped at work. I'd kinda like
him to be with his family during his free time, not working on his
mother's computer -- she's just so very considerate -- NOT!!!
12/6
Signed - No Free Time Before
Xmas
RESPONSE: no free time before xmas
I know exactly what you are talking about. My in-laws are also
constantly calling up my husband for help with their computer.
I have found that they EXPECT him to fix their computer, since he
has always maintained and upgraded their computer while he lived at
home. According to them, it is his RESPONSIBILITY, and therefore
they are allowed to call at all hours of the day. No matter
how much I try to reason with DH, he still feels obligated by his
parents. However, since DH works all day and never has time
to answer his emails, I found it convenient to turn his cell phone
off (he uses his pager for work, and switches the phone on only when
he needs it) and keep the home phone unplugged late evenings until
early mornings. That saves us from being contacted by the in-laws,
and nagged to come over and fix the computer (ha ha ha). Eventually
they give up and call their vendor.
12/7
RESPONSE: no free time before xmas
When you get her computer running, get on the internet and visit a
bunch of really sick porn sites, making sure to bookmark all of them
so that she can easily return to them when she gets her machine back.
As a matter of fact, you might want to change her home page to one
of them.
12/8
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I guess I am one of the
lucky few. By marrying my husband almost 7 years ago, I gained
the mother I always wanted. She has been a rock for my husband
and I through financial problems, infertility and rocky family relationships.
We were blessed with our first child this past year, and I can only
hope that I can do 1/2 as good of a job as she has with her 3 sons.
I am thankful that I can call her my friend and "mom".
12/5
Signed - Thankful To Call
Her My Friend
RESPONSE: thankful to call her my friend
You are a truly blessed person! Enjoy & be grateful!
12/8
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Help Question: I
would like some poetry on mothers in law.
Editor's Reply: We are happy to help. As we are
always scanning the net for things related to mothers-in-law, we do
come across these things from time to time.
Before we get to the links, please understand, we have to say the
following:
1) We are not endorsing any of the sites. They simply are sites
we know carry the poems.
2) Please check with each site individually to determine how to obtain
legal copies of the poem without violating copyright laws.
Here are the links.
http://www.melizo.com/holidays/mother/wwwboard/messages/817.htm
http://www.bluemountain.com/engy/winner6/P3B_russe.html
http://www.weddingromance.com/poems/poem75.htm
http://www.weddingromance.com/poems/poem8.htm
The last two links are the same poem, the second one (poem8) is prettier
to look at. However, the first of the two (poem75) has punctuation
in it that makes it a lot more readable.
We hope this is helpful. We're sure there is much more out there.
If anyone else knows of a mother-in-law poem out there and would like
to share it, please let us know.
12/7
RESPONSE: regarding MIL poems:
Why would you print a bunch of luvy-duvy MIL poems in here?
We all hate our MIL's. I think what she meant by poems is something
that slams her, or we kill her, or we hate her, etc. Give that
poem thing another try. Thanks.
12/8
Editor's Reply: Interesting point. We may have
goofed on that one. We have received private e-mail requests
several times now for poetry in praise of the MIL, but never received
an e-mail requesting a negative poem. However, you are absolutely
correct, this request makes no mention either way, and it was not
wise for us to make any assumptions.
Here are the links we are aware of:
http://www.motherinlawstories.com/mother-in-law_stories_archives_05_27_00.htm
(look for the 6th posting on the page)
http://www.motherinlawstories.com/mother-in-law_stories_archives_02_19_00.htm
(look for the last posting on the page)
Again, we hope this is helpful, and we're sure there is much more
out there. If anyone else knows of a mother-in-law poem out
there of this nature and would like to share it, please let us know.
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It has taken a long time
and a lot of therapy for my husband to figure out that his mother
is a loon. She has been trying to break us up from the beginning,
and nearly succeeded last year, all because she sees me as controlling,
when in fact, that is her job. She refuses to acknowledge that
my husband can and does think for himself, so any time he stands up
to her it must be my fault. She sees me as a threat that is
or has taken her baby boy away, when in fact, all he did was grow
up. She did the exact same thing with his first wife, who is
now her new best friend and working with her in order to try and drive
me off.
12/4
Signed - MIL And First
Wife Friends
RESPONSE: MIL and first wife friends
Very interesting story. I too have many stories, but I will
simply go on by saying that I just recently discovered that my MIL
(as most) has co-dependencies, just as I discovered that I too have
co-dependencies. There is a wonderful book called "Co-dependent
NO More" written by Melody Beattie that will help you understand
what co-dependency is. Naturally, I thought it meant dependent
on alcohol, drugs, etc., but I discovered there are other types of
dependencies. Definition of codependent: A person who has let
someone else's behavior affect him or her and is obsessed with controlling
other people's behavior. My MIL would constantly whine about
her sons (now 40 and 42 yrs old) and she would let that get her nerves
so badly that she had to take nerve pills just to get through the
day, rather than accepting the things she cannot change. I thought
to myself, "Why does she put herself through this agony?"
And my reaction was to HELP her the best I could, until my trying
to HELP didn't work and it ended up stressing me and my family (hubby
and kids) out so badly that it was affecting our daily lives.
I finally had a friend that told me to read this book. I was
able to back off my MIL and remove myself from the situation that
my MIL was in, and discovered that, by my backing off and simply buying
her this book, she is now able to understand how she is. I was
worried about her taking my suggestion to read this book the wrong
way. I didn't want to hurt her, I just wanted to help her.
But my helping was really causing my family too much stress.
But in the same breath, I could see plain as day that she (MIL) is
so obsessed with trying to be the PERFECT mom, MIL, and wife, that
she is forgetting the ONE MOST IMPORTANT THING ... HERSELF!
You have to take care of yourself, and not allow other people's problems
to become your own. You have to know when ENOUGH is ENOUGH,
and be able to back off and let things settle down.
So basically, the bottom line is to respect your mother in law for
who she is, and try to show love, but don't allow her to affect you
and your husband's life so badly that it puts a strain on the marriage.
It's not worth it.
The way I shared this book with my MIL was by simply writing an e-mail
telling her I discovered that I was co-dependent, and went on by telling
her some key points of the book that I read, and now she wants to
read it!!!
I am totally thankful for all that my MIL has done for my husband
and my children, and I will always be here for her to talk to when
she needs to talk. My MIL is a warm, loving person that I will
forever admire for her strength to overcome her dependencies, just
as I will, and I pray that you will too.
12/6 |
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Working Women Don't Have Wives