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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-law Stories
Archives 12/23/00
<--Previous Archive
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Hi! I know my story
is a year old ... I *almost* wish I had a more recent one. Not.
We are military, and this happened last Christmas while we were visiting
- we had just left Germany and were on our way to Guam.
I am a very retiring sort of person. I like quiet and books
and solitude a lot. This is not to say that I don't like being
with other people & socializing. I do. But when NOTHING
else is going on - like, it's a Sunday and people are napping or just
watching TV, I'm going to break out a book & lounge!
My mother-in-law HATES this - although it's perfectly ok for HER to
do. She just can't stand to see me sit and read if I am in the
same room. She wants me to talk to her or entertain her.
If I go into another room, she gets huffy and accuses me of neglecting
her. But she has never asked me directly - I always hear it
later on in the evening when father-in-law comes home and she whines
& cries to him, and then he bitches at my husband. Now,
my husband, I believe, is firmly with me. He's very supportive.
But when it comes to actually DEFENDING me ... he's a clam.
His response is always, "Do NOT do this, mom!" and that's
it. Show's over until next time.
*sigh*
12/11
Signed - Show's Over Until
Next Time
RESPONSE: Show's over 'till next time
Since when are you supposed to be her source of entertainment?
The next time over I would intentionally read right in front of her.
Keep an eye on her, and if she's eyeballing you say, "Excuse
me, am I doing something wrong? I understand you don't like
me reading but won't say it to my face." I bet that shuts
her up real quick. She is put in a position where she has to
tell you what she thinks face to face or shut up about it. Hubby
also needs to tell FIL that if MIL has a problem with you, she should
tell you herself, instead of hiding behind him. Hubby should
just say, "That's between my wife and mom, let them handle it,
don't bitch at me for it." Good luck.
12/11
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My story is very similar
to all the stories in this archive; I get along with all my
sisters-in-law, I stay out of their personal problems, and treat them
like I would like to be treated. The problem is that my boyfriend's
family hates me. I don't know why they do, I have been nothing
but nice to her son and them. But no matter what I do they will
never like me. I have a feeling the reason why they don't like
me could be because of my boyfriend. He is an extremely hard
person to please. He drinks a lot, and has a really bad temper.
I have put up with this for 10 years. I have 2 children with
him, and I am very depressed. I know I have to get out of this
relationship before something bad happens. The thing is that,
when he drinks he tells me all these horrible things he hates about
me, but when he is sober he says that he didn't mean any of it.
He also tells me that I am a b*tch and his mother isn't. It
is always my fault why I don't get along with his mother, even though
nobody else can get along with her. I have a feeling that my
boyfriend is the reason why they hate me. What I don't understand
is why he would want them to hate me. I know he lies a lot about
things he does and tries to blame it on me. I am really good
to my boyfriend. I just don't understand why he would do this
to me if he says that he loves me? I have tried to leave, and
every time he has convinced me to stay, and that he loves me.
But I feel a lot of times that he only really loves his immediate
family, not us. Can anyone give me any advice on this one?
12/8
Signed - He Keeps Convincing
Me To Stay
RESPONSE: He keeps convincing me to stay
Your children and you ARE HIS immediate family. That is not
a good situation for you to be in, or for you to allow your children
to remain in. I have horrible MIL problems, and if my husband
was not as wonderful as he is, I would be out of there. It seems
like you don't even have a great marriage. Why stay? I
am a teacher, and let me tell you, (even though I am not a big fan
of divorce) kids know when their parents are unhappy, and they try
to make up for it. It is very hard on them. GET OUT!!!
12/9
RESPONSE: He Keeps Convincing Me To Stay
I'm guessing that you have low self-esteem. Otherwise you wouldn't
stay with him. He's got it real easy, with you doing all the
relationship work while he does nothing (it seems from here).
My opinion? Run, don't walk, if you are truly unhappy with this
situation.
12/9
RESPONSE: He Keeps Convincing Me To Stay
He acts the way he does because he is an alcoholic, plain and simple.
He's not going to change without some serious help from a professional.
Believe me, I know - been there, done that, never going back again.
You are not doing your kids any favors by staying in an abusive relationship
(or yourself either, for that matter). The best thing you can
do for all concerned in this sad situation is to get out NOW and tell
him that, until he gets counseling and stops drinking completely,
you will not be back. Right now, you are enabling him to continue
his destructive behavior, so he has no reason to change. Maybe
losing his family will wake him up, but if not, at least YOU and your
kids can have a life! Good luck!
12/11
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This story moved here from
last week due to recent receipt of a response.
So, mine is a familiar story ... My MIL blames me for all that is
wrong in life. Before we were married, in Sept., she got angry
at my DH for not coming over when SHE wanted him to, they didn't speak
from July to August. To make matters worse, she was making my
bridesmaid's dresses. Subsequently, fearing what would happen
if I went over alone, I didn't give her the material, etc., until
the fight was over. She has yet to stop saying, "If I had
gotten the dress material earlier ..." Thanksgiving (to
the day) marks the end of the most recent argument ... 6 weeks before
that they had the same argument (about coming over). In this
argument she stated, "You never used to act like this before
you started dating (ME)" To add insult to injury, she left
9!!! nasty messages on our answering machine involving cuss words
and insults. I cant forgive her. My DH is on speaking
terms with her, but they have not resolved the fight. We are
talking about having kids in the near future, and I'm beginning to
see having a child as a way to hurt her. HELP!!!
12/4
Signed - Familiar Story
RESPONSE: "Familiar story"
Yours, literally, is a familiar story to me. Same old stuff
my MIL pulled on my husband and I, until he finally put his foot down.
We now are no longer on speaking terms with her, and sad to say, but
it's been so peaceful. My MIL blamed me/us for all the sorts
of things until DH read her the riot act. You need to talk to
your husband and decide what's the most important - pleasing that
woman, or peace and sanity in your lives. And, if you are going
to have kids, you need to make a safe, calm, peaceful environment
a priority. We are pregnant with our first, and it's been grand
not to have to worry about my MIL getting offended for something she
made up in her head to get mad about. Being pregnant is hard
enough without having to deal with someone's tantrums. Enough
is enough. You (and your husband) have the power to stop being
treated this way. Don't let her take that power away from you.
She can only take that power away from you if you let her.
12/5
RESPONSE: Familiar Story
You need to stop waiting for your husband to get a backbone, and use
the one God gave you!! Your MIL has consistently ignored your
wishes and has manipulated her way into YOUR life with your husband
and family. You DO NOT have to tolerate this!! I had problems
with my MIL and went to my mom for advice. My mom told me this:
"You do not sleep with your MIL. You sleep with your husband.
That is where your loyalty should lie." Well, I am saying
the same to you. You don't owe your MIL a damn thing.
Since you have the ability to see through her schemes, beat her at
her own game. IGNORE HER!! This will KILL her!!
You don't need to learn her family recipes!! YOU HAVE A MOTHER
who has probably already taught you everything you need to know.
On special occasions/holidays, get up early, get your children together
and have your husband drive you to YOUR family's home. This
way, all of you will be already gone for the day when your wicked
MIL calls or stops by. Only involve yourself with your MIL when
YOU want to, because she is totally taking over your life, and she
is in total control of your and your family's happiness. Your
husband probably doesn't want to hurt his mother's feelings.
He seriously needs to get a backbone and stand up to his mother if
your marriage is going last. He needs to support you.
12/10
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In the "Rewriting
History" department: One weekend during our engagement,
my future wife and I were at her parent's home for wedding planning
and to go to have our engagement photos taken. We were both
relaxed about the photos, and dressed in jeans and a sweater (for
her), a nice button-up shirt (for me). As we were preparing
to depart, my future MIL stopped my future FIL, who was also wearing
jeans and a shirt, and said in a MIL tone, "Is THAT what you're
wearing?" Over our protests, my future FIL harrumphed back
into his bedroom and changed into a suit. As a result, he was
crabby to everyone all day, while my future MIL was smug about everything.
Months later, after we were married, my MIL was explaining another
situation to my wife in a telephone conversation. "You
know," she said to my wife, "it's like that time when you
guys were going to have your engagement photos taken and you made
your father change into a suit."
12/10
Signed - Whatever
Version Suits MIL!
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Note: this story
moved here from last week due to receipt of new responses.
I sure hope my FIL never sees this!! But I have to share this
MIL story. See, my MIL has arthritis in her legs, which I really
don't think is as bad as she makes it out to be, but you never know
when you can take her seriously when it comes to stuff like that,
considering she's a hypochondriac. She's been taking medication
for it, although I never knew what it was that she took. Anyway,
when I decided to go back to work, after being home with my kids for
2 years, she agreed to keep them every day for me, for a small fee.
About 2 weeks into my new job, MIL calls me at work saying she needs
me to come get the kids now. She sounded really strange, and
I knew something was wrong. So I ran into my boss' offices,
spit out a few words to explain, and ran to my car. I made a
trip that normally takes 20 minutes in 7 minutes. I get to MILs
house to find my 11 month old and 2 year old wandering around the
house, with my mother-in-law passed out on the floor. On the
coffee table, an open bottle of lortabs, apparently the medication
she'd been taking for her arthritis. I started shaking my MIL
until she woke up. She slurred out that she was hurting really
bad so she took 5 lortabs. These pain pills did such a number
on me when I broke my foot, that I didn't even take 1 of them when
I was alone with my kids. And this woman took 5 of them.
And, left the bottle open on the end table. Luckily, my kids
hadn't discovered them yet. When she told me how many she had
taken, I lost it. I flew off the handle on her, which I know
I shouldn't have done in front of my kids, but I was FURIOUS.
I let the woman know what I've thought about her from day one.
I filled her in on what all could have happened to my kids, such as
the 2 year old opening the front door and wandering out into the street,
them getting a hold of her medicine, any number of accidents could
have happened. Her response? "Well, nothing happened,
did it??" I told her that if I had complete say so over
my kids, she would never see them again. She didn't deserve
to be around them, given that she cared so little of their safety
to do something as stupid as she did. I grabbed my kids up and
headed out the door, and, get this, as I was walking out, she yelled,
"Well, your mom's a SLUT!" Like, all this was was
a name calling contest or something. That, and the fact that
she called an hour later to apologize showed that she didn't quite
get the magnitude of what she'd done. When she called to apologize,
I told her I didn't want to hear her apologies, that she should realize
that this isn't something that she can call up an hour later, apologize,
and expect all to be forgiven and forgotten, and hung up on her.
It took me 2 months to even allow her to see the kids again, and even
then, it wasn't my choice. She showed up at my door with a relative
that didn't know what was going on, and it wouldn't be appropriate
to fill her in on the details. Since then, she is not allowed
to be alone with the kids, and she only sees them about once every
other week, although she lives just 15 minutes away. Because
of this, I had to put my kids in daycare, which I was totally against
from the get-go, because of the horror stories I'd seen on television.
Daycare lasted 2 weeks, because I was being called daily to come pick
my kids up, because one or the other was sick. I got fired,
and I haven't been back to work. I figure the best thing for
them is for me to be right here. At least I know they're safe!!
12/4
Signed - At Least
They're Safe
RESPONSE: Dear "At least they're safe",
Have you forgiven your MIL yet? Granted, what she did was very
irresponsible and foolish, but we all make mistakes, some worse than
others, and I'm sure she is genuinely sorry and sincerely wishes to
be on good terms with you. Perhaps you don't have to leave them
in her care anymore, but at least make amends. As the Savage
Garden song goes, "I believe forgiveness is the key to all unhappiness".
12/5
RESPONSE: At least they're safe
I wouldn't forgive that old bag for anything, EVER. She should
never be around your children unsupervised again, if she sees them
at all. What she did was careless, irresponsible, dangerous
and unforgivable. Let her be at home alone with her drugs.
That's what she cares about most.
12/9
RESPONSE: At least they're safe
I'm sorry, but there is no room for forgiveness here. I wouldn't
let the old bag near my kids. What she did was stupid, ignorant
and dangerous. She knows the dangers of meds. And she
should also know what happens when children, especially small ones,
are left unsupervised. You are very lucky that your children
are safe. And she is very lucky to even be alive. I think
she ought to take your saving her, and forget seeing your kids, and
call it good. This is just terrible, and infuriates me to no
end. I would never forgive her.
12/9
RESPONSE: At least they're safe
You can forgive in your heart, but definitely stay far, far away from
this terrible woman! She sounds very damaged and damaging.
I think that "forgiveness from afar" (while never, ever
forgetting) is fine, but with a woman like this, you shouldn't have
a relationship. Life is too short to waste it on such messed
up people!
12/10
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My husband and I were
married a year and a half ago. We had a nice wedding in a very
large open room. A few weeks after our wedding, my SIL sent
us a nasty e-mail. She accused us of putting her in a corner
so no one could see her. She claimed that we did this because
we were so ashamed and embarrassed about her. I had never met
her until the day of our wedding so there was no way I could be embarrassed,
because I didn't even know her. She failed to mention that she
was sitting with her parents, grandfather, her boyfriend and her children
at a table in the front of the room. When I told my MIL about
what my SIL said, she just blew it off and said, "Oh, that's
just how she (SIL) is." I told my MIL that I was very hurt,
but she blew me off again. At the end of our reception, my SIL
went around to all of the tables and gathered up the gourmet chocolate
party favors, while the other guests were dancing. She left
with an entire baby stroller filled with chocolates. For our
wedding gift she gave us a pair of cheap hand towels from a department
store. At first, I was so upset by her antics that I was going
to give the towels away. Instead, I use them to clean the toilet.
12/8
Signed - Suffering from
a Chocolate Chomping SIL
RESPONSE: "Suffering from a chocolate chomping SIL"
Why don't you confront her instead of asking your MIL about it?
Tell her everything you wrote her - about it not being intentional
and all.
12/9
RESPONSE: Suffering from a Chocolate chomping SIL
Your SIL is the biggest arrogant selfish b****h ever. It seems
that way from here. She sounds like she's jealous of your relationship
with your husband. If I were you I'd stay away from her (far
away) or give her a good slap so she can come to her senses.
Anyway, good luck.
12/10
RESPONSE: Suffering from a Chocolate chomping SIL
For Xmas I would buy her a big box of chocolates with a note saying,
"I know this isn't as many as you took from the wedding, but
this was all we can afford." She probably won't say a word,
but will still get the message that everyone saw what she did.
What a cheap, sneaky person!! I hope she gets big as a whale
from all those chocolates!!! HAHAHAHA!!!
12/10
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Just received a xmas card
to my son from my boyfriend's mother (cannot, will not, call her grandma).
It underlines my baby's last name several times? I gave this
baby his last name to honor him, not her. Does this psycho witch
think this brings her closer to MY BABY? I cannot speak to her,
as she relentlessly wants to torment me in any subliminal, subtle,
yet obvious way. Lies, yells, and seeks revenge. When
can I be free, as she uses my mailbox now. The Grinchess is
using Christ's birthday to hurt people, and my religion cannot allow
me to be in the devil's presence for that day with my innocent children,
and my good heart. Yet it hurts me so much that I have nothing
to look forward to but fear of her doing these things over and over
again, and fear of my boyfriends betrayal, that he knows she is this
way and accepts it. He obviously has not straightened her out.
I feel true love would make him protect me from her hurt. How
do I grow thick skin? She won't stop because of the baby.
She has no love for anyone to cause all these fights (not for this
baby, she selfishly wants him, and he's not hers, she is too toxic).
She threatens court for visitation. Why is it I have the choice
to abort a child, yet I do not have a choice in protecting him from
her revenge (and wickedness for his mother). She has not much
to do with her other grandchildren when they walk and talk.
12/14
signed - Spitting On The
Grave
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My sister-in-law called
this morning from Europe asking for my husband. When I told
her he was not home, and could I leave him a message, she said both
she and her son wanted to thank my husband for the birthday gift he
had sent to his nephew (her son). She never thanked me, even
though it was I who spent hours looking for the gift for her son.
I am also celebrating a major religious period this month, and she
never wished me "happy ... ". Neither did her mother.
What do you think is the best way to handle this family who seems
so selfish and arrogant. I have been barely married for two
years to their son; in the few times I spent with them, I was disgusted
with how selfish and self-centered they can be. I usually buy
them Christmas gifts, write them Christmas cards during Christmas,
even though they never bother to thank me for the gifts. Do
you think it would be best to continue doing what I have been doing,
and kill them with kindness and good manners? Or am I only humiliating
myself to people who do not deserve it? Life is so easy, and
bad, ill-mannered people make it complicated!!
12/6
Signed - Life Is So Easy
RESPONSE: Life is so easy
In my opinion I wouldn't send them anything else. You have done
your part in trying to be nice, and received nothing in return.
If they have the nerve to complain to your husband about it, tell
him/them how you feel. "I never receive any recognition
or even a 'Thank you' for my efforts, so why should I continue to
do it?" Maybe that will show them you're not a door mat.
Best of Luck.
12/7
RESPONSE: Life is so easy
Maybe your husband could pitch in. Whenever they thank him for
gifts, etc., your husband should tell them that you picked the gifts.
After a while, they may get the hint. My husband did this, and
his parents now know that I'm the one who does all the work as far
as gifts are concerned. As for the holidays, again your husband
should make a point in saying, "Oh, this is XXXX holiday in her
religion". If, after dropping all the heavy hints, they
still don't get the idea, I will stop sending them Christmas cards,
and instead send them "happy holidays" cards. I think
it is very respectable that you send them their holiday card, but
the acknowledgement should go both ways. And if they do not
show any signs of respect for your holiday, they don't deserve the
respect you give them.
12/7
RESPONSE: "life is so easy"
This year, after never being thanked for: the gifts for their
wedding, decorations for their wedding, birthdays and Christmases
in years past, we decided not to give any more gifts to my SIL and
her family. I was planning on giving gifts, but my husband is
the one who felt that her ungratefulness should no longer be rewarded.
We never hear from her unless it's to try and get some information
out of us for MIL (in other words, spy on us). His family either
never acknowledges the gifts given at all, or on the rare occasion
a gift is acknowledged (ONE time!), just thanks my husband for the
gifts. It is I who purchase the gifts (I have my own job) and
send the gifts. My husband has never bought them the gifts,
and would rather not buy them anything. So, learn your lesson
now, and don't be like me who took years to see that ingratitude should
not be rewarded.
12/7
RESPONSE: life is so easy
I think you should send them a card of best wishes for your holiday,
because they may have forgotten or not realized how important it is
to you, or some other assumption. Try to not spend so much effort
on people who act badly, even if so much of that effort includes your
worrying and getting upset. Save your energy for nobler purposes
... if you can ;-)
12/7
RESPONSE: Life Is So Easy
You sound like a nice lady. As I see it, there are two routes
you can take. One, you can STOP buying the gifts and sending
the cards, and leave it up to your husband. If he's like most
men, he'll either forget, or surely won't put the time and effort
in that you do. This will save you from the anger and hurt you
feel when they aren't gracious enough to thank you. However,
a LOT of families see it as the wife's responsibility to perform these
tasks, and they sound like the kind of people who will blame you and
accuse you of having bad manners if you stop the gift buying and card
sending. This could ultimately result in bad feelings and sniping
which could be far worse than their discourteous behavior now.
I'd opt for choice number two. Keep up the gift buying and card
sending. Why give them ammunition to criticize you? But,
more importantly, your husband, who is far more important, will appreciate
your efforts on his family's behalf, and you won't be putting him
in the middle. Why sink to their level? Play dumb.
The next time they call to thank "him" for the gift, act
as if they thanked you as they should have. Say, "You're
welcome. We hoped you'd like it." Include yourself
in the credit, even if they don't.
Hopefully, in time, their own bad behavior will embarrass them.
If not, take comfort in the fact that you are the bigger, better,
more gracious and mannerly person. Your husband will notice
too!
12/7
RESPONSE: life is so easy
I feel for you in your problem that you have with the ungrateful family.
I, myself, am going through the same things with my wife's family.
I, as like some of the others, think that you should stop buying gifts
for the adults. I do think that the children should not suffer
though. Keep buying them (the nephews, nieces and etc. ...)
gifts and let your hubby buy for the rest of the family. It
seems like you are gonna get ridiculed regardless of what you do.
I stopped buying for the rest of my family, and let my wife deal with
the rest. We are way too old to have adults act like kids.
I feel bad for the kids because they are watching this and thinking
that this is the way to act towards others that give you gifts.
They will be just as ungrateful as their parents as time goes by.
Well, I don't know what else to say but good luck. I have found
that some people have been such fools most of their lives that changing
now seems impossible. Take care. Been there, done that!!!!
12/8
RESPONSE: Life Is So Easy
I feel for you, for I too am dealing with ungrateful, self centered
in-laws. After 7 years of this crap, (me being the one
who sent b'day cards, buying b'day gifts, xmas doings, etc., etc.),
I decided this xmas is going to change things around here. I
will put all my H's relatives on him, and I refuse to send an xmas
card to someone who has crapped on me all year long. Christmas
is a time for giving, but I can't give anymore to people who just
turn around and crap on me. I did not send a card to SIL, or
a couple other people. If they ask him why, and he asks me about
it, I will say, "They've made it clear I am not part of their
life. YOU send them a card from us." He won't.
And maybe then people will get the hint WHO has been taking care of
all these things for all these years. I'm tired of it.
I give and do for my extended family because they do for "us"
and appreciate it over and over again. I will not be generous
with someone who treats me like a nonexistent person. Not even
on Christmas. I used the money I would have bought them presents/cards
with, and instead gave it to worthy charities this year. If
I were you, I'd leave it up to your H to do the "grunt work"
and see how long that lasts, if it even gets started. Men don't
think about those kinds of things much, if at all. And as a
woman and wife, I refuse to be EXPECTED to do it for anyone who doesn't
deserve to be treated nicely, when they've been butt holes all year.
Good luck with your endeavors!
12/11
RESPONSE: Life is so Easy
I agree with the others who have written not to continue buying gifts
and sending cards to your ILs. I have been in a very similar
situation myself for the past 11 years. My ILs never said thank
you to me for the gifts I would shop for, and have generally treated
me like I am not worthy of any sort of acknowledgement. Even
when my husband would tell them that I was the one who had selected
and thoughtfully wrapped their gifts, they acted like they didn't
hear what he had said to them.
Life is too short to bend over backwards for people who treat us badly.
For the first time this year, I have left the shopping to my husband.
Guess what? Xmas is only a few days away and he hasn't done
a thing.
My advice is to move on with your life and forget about your ILs.
After all of these years, I have finally done it, and I feel as if
a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't need
their approval to know that I am a good mother, wife, and human being.
Neither should you.
12/14
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I love this site!
It's good to know that I'm not the only one out there with an Evil
MIL ... or a spineless hubby. Don't get me wrong, I love him
more than life itself, but he needs to grow up a bit. I just
have two little stories to add. The first one is about my bridal
shower. My aunt was throwing the shower for my side of the family,
and she invited my MIL and SILS over (because that's the way it's
done). So what's the first thing I hear out of the MILs mouth?
"Well, why aren't grandma 1 & 2 or all the aunts and our
friends invited?" I replied that the shower was being thrown
by my side of the family, and if she wanted all of her extended family
to be there, she could very well throw one for her side (that's how
I thought it was supposed to go, anyway). Needless to say, I
only had the one shower.
The second part is about my honeymoon ... bleah. Hubby and I
got married and decided not to take our honeymoon right away, and
that was fine. We planned to go on our trip in the beginning
of May (the resort we were going to was running a promotional deal
during that month). Well, the beginning of May just wouldn't
work for the IL's because a niece was having her first communion.
Second week of May perhaps? Nope, it was grandma's birthday,
and we wouldn't want granny to feel unloved. Third week?
Nah, it was the big family get together and everybody would be soooo
sad if we missed it (never mind that we had just gotten married and
had seen everybody a month before). SO ... we finally went on
our honeymoon the last week in May. And guess what? It
was that time of the month ... I told my husband that it was due that
week, but I guess that attending inane family functions is more important
than a romantic honeymoon. Anybody have a spine they could sell
me so I can give it to the hubby for xmas?
12/6
Signed - Anybody Have
A Spine To Sell?
RESPONSE: Anybody have a spine to sell?
You should tell him to stand up for the two of you as a couple now,
to set the boundaries before she gets her hooks any deeper.
What is it with men and their Mothers? He is the one who needs
to set the boundaries with his family, or you'll end up being the
bad guy. (That is my case.) Tell him now, "If you don't
stand up for yourself, maybe you should have married your Mother!"
Like I always say, "Who do you live with day to day?"
I just don't understand why the Mothers of sons can't accept that
they are now adults and can make their own decisions, and that they
have someone else to think about, their wives!!!
12/7
RESPONSE: anybody have a spine to sell?
Boy do you sound like some piece of work, honey. First of all,
I can't believe you would call your own husband something as mean
and disrespectful as "spineless" and then go on to talk
about how much you love him! Poor guy!
Secondly, your aunt throwing a shower for "your" side of
the family is NOT how it's done. It was rude and insensitive
of her and of you to exclude your husband's family. You honestly
told them your husband to be's GRANDMA wasn't welcomed at your shower?!?!
It was also incredibly obnoxious for you to suggest that HIS family
throw you a shower for "their" side of the family.
How many showers did you want, anyway? Not too greedy, are we???
As for the timing of your honeymoon, it sounds as if you are a very
selfish, self-centered person who doesn't care too much about anyone
else's feelings. So you can see your husband's family at YOUR
wedding when you're the center of attention, but you can't see them
when its their special day? How nice.
I hope you learn to be a lot more loving, respectful, considerate,
gracious, mannerly, and giving to your husband and his family.
12/7
RESPONSE: Anybody have a spine to sell?
This is in response to the second response. I think she sounded
way too defensive. Maybe she's your MIL!!! If not yours,
she sounds like a MIL, not that there is anything wrong with that.
I am not sure how other people go about the shower situation, but
my family had a shower for me, and my husband's family also had a
shower with his side of the family. We invited his mom and grandmother,
and they understood. Maybe that is the way they do the showers.
I'm not sure of the actual etiquette as far as showers go. And,
as far as your honeymoon, I think missing a birthday is not the end
of the world!!! You have compromised for one event, and shouldn't
be expected to compromise for everything else, or you'd never get
to have one. The in-laws should see that you were nice enough
to compromise for them. They need to give and take as well.
Good Luck (By the way, I wrote the first response to your story, also.)
12/8
RESPONSE: anybody have a spine to sell
Ignore the ugly response.
12/8
RESPONSE: Anyone have a spine to sell?
I've got to side with you on these ones. The truth is, no matter
what you do you can't make everybody happy. There is no way
a bridal shower can include all extended family and friends unless
a hall or hotel is rented. Your aunt didn't want to go to that
magnitude, right? Besides, there is no rule written in stone
that says you have to invite this person and so on. As for your
honeymoon, too bad it was the last priority. Even though family
functions are important, attending the 1st communion of a niece is
not a life-changing event. Too bad your husband doesn't see
it this way. The way I see it is, if you don't put your foot
down to protect what is important to you, no one else will.
You sacrifice your happiness for others and they may not even appreciate
it. I don't think you were selfish at all. As a matter
of fact, I encourage you to be more assertive. If your in-laws
pout, that's something that they have to learn to deal with.
After all, they are not the center of the universe.
12/8
RESPONSE: spine to sell
This is regard to the response which begins, "Boy, do you sound like
a piece of work." Four simple words: ARE YOU A MIL?
Obviously, you are. Why else would you post such a vicious response
to someone who is obviously in pain and hurting from the behavior
of her cruel IL's? While everyone's opinion is appreciated,
this is a SUPPORT board, and your attacking words are neither appreciated
or helpful.
12/8
RESPONSE: anybody have a spine to sell?
Jeez! It sounds like that nasty response was written by your
MIL herself! Don't let those nasty comments get you down!
Your honeymoon is a once in a lifetime event, and those other things
weren't. You should have insisted on going when you wanted to
go. A phone call on Granny's b-day would have been a nice gesture,
but a card would have sufficed. I mean, it's YOUR HONEYMOON!
You deserve to be a little selfish about it.
12/8
RESPONSE: "anybody have a spine to sell?"
Ignore the ugly response, who is probably a MIL herself. It
was pretty horrible and WRONG what she said. I want to know
if she cow-towed to her in-laws like she criticized you for not doing.
If your MIL was so worried about who was and wasn't invited to your
shower, then maybe she should've helped pay for the shower.
I can't stand people who aren't paying for special events but grumble
about who was or wasn't invited (i.e. my MIL). And, you know
what? My MIL tried to pull that crap on us before, with changing
our plans around her plans. It got to the point where we had
to sacrifice our plans all the time. It's just a way of trying
to manipulate you - her way of showing you she is the matriarch of
the family, and therefore, the one who has the power.
12/9
RESPONSE: anybody have a spine to sell?
Hello, I am the girl who wrote "spine to sell?" First off, I
would like to thank everybody who wrote in offering me support, from
the bottom of my heart. It's so good to know that complete strangers
are willing to offer kindness to a person in need.
Secondly, this is in response to the vicious person who wrote that
much uncalled for reply to my story. I do not know where you're
from, but around here it is standard etiquette for the bride's parents
and the groom's parents to throw separate showers. That is how
it is done. That was how it was done for my mother, and for
the groom's mother (according to FIL, who is a wonderful person).
Also, my honeymoon was a once in a lifetime event, and I was voicing
my displeasure at having it put off until a time that was incredibly
uncomfortable and unpleasant. And as for my needing to be more
"gracious, respectful, considerate, and mannerly," perhaps
you should take a long look at yourself, seeing as I'm not the one
who resorted to name calling.
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart to the creators of this
SUPPORT page, and to the kind hearted people who offered their support.
12/10
RESPONSE: spine to sell
In my opinion, the person who wrote the nasty response is a mean-spirited,
vicious person who obviously takes some enjoyment out of causing other
people pain. Disregard that response - it obviously comes from
an unenlightened person.
12/11
RESPONSE: anybody have a spine to sell?
You had to take your honeymoon during "that time of the month,"
which is no fun at all. If a similar special occasion arises,
like vacations, camping trips, etc., before you get there consult
with your doctor. There are options I have heard of that could
make all the difference. We are free, ladies!
12/14
RESPONSE: Anybody Have A Spine To Sell?
It's obvious that your new MIL wants to be in control. She should
have been happy to attend your shower, and not complained about the
guest list. Also, she had no right to stand in the way of your
honeymoon plans. Her behavior is very selfish, rude, and aggressive.
I am painfully familiar with your situation, because I have a MIL
who acts the same way. Trust me, nip the problem in the bud
now. For the past 10+ years, my MIL has found various ways to
manipulate my DH and I so that she is always the "Big Mama"
in charge. I have gotten so sick of it, and so will you if you
don't ask your husband to stop it now. What's worse, if he doesn't
step in and ask your MIL to behave herself, you may find yourselves
fighting about her all the time. This is what has happened to
me. Stand up for yourself now! I wish I had.
12/14
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Over the summer, my BIL
stayed with us and then moved back to college. He had a cold
the last week he was here. About a week later, we were hosting
my in-laws for a weekend stay. When I asked how they slept the
night before, my MIL stated she had been a "little cold."
I was surprised, as she is having hot flashes, etc. I asked
why, and she replied that she had slept on top of the covers because
her son had been sick and "I didn't want to catch any of his
germs," implying that I don't wash my sheets between company
uses! How insulting!!
12/10
Signed - I Wash My
Sheets!
RESPONSE: I wash my sheets
You know ... I couldn't help but laugh at this! What was the
woman thinking! Aren't you thankful for this web site to vent
these things to!?!? That was very insulting ... now get washing!
J
12/12
RESPONSE: I wash my Sheets
Don't feel so bad - my MIL brings her own SHEETS and TOWELS to my
house when she stays ...
12/13 |
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Working Women Don't Have Wives