Firstly, what a relief to find this page.  You guys are doing a great service by providing a place for people to come and vent all their frustrations about their MILS!!  My own story is really nothing to rave about, but I think it will help me a lot to talk about it.  MIL (from hell) was meant to arrive on the 23rd of December, but no, she arrives (no phone call to let us know) on the 19th.  The 19th was a Sunday, and we'd been tidying up the place, getting ready for their arrival, but there were still things I hadn't done, like dishes, vacuuming, etc.  Her first words to my husband were, "Hello, chubby checkers!" - she always does this, tells him how much weight he's put on.  My husband is so sweet, definitely takes after his dad, and is a little bit sensitive about his weight.  He isn't fat at all either.  He's just a little bit overweight, and anyway, what the heck does it matter, he's happy!  MIL talks incessantly, gossips, has an unhealthy preoccupation with weight, and never has a nice word to say about anybody.  If you ask her partner a question, she will answer for him, talk over the top of him ... she's an expert on pretty much everything.  This sounds like an awful whining session, I know ... but what planet are these people from?  I want to have a nice relaxing Christmas, but I just can't see it happening.  I need to chill out, I know, but she rubs me up the wrong way so much.  I have to admit though (and I feel a little bit guilty about this), I did get her back by making a comment about her own weight (she didn't appreciate it much!! hahahaha!), and when they came out to inspect our property I let the dogs out (we have 5 large dogs).  They were all over them, stomping on their feet, slobbering on them ... it was great.  This morning I found her partner's thongs mangled by one of the dogs.  Oh well ... ;-) We said we'd pay for new ones ... but at least the dogs had fun with them!!  Thanks for listening, I feel sooo much better now!  Merry Christmas to all those other poor sods out there with MILs from hell.

Well, after going in search of a site to help me cope, I have found I am not the only one who is having MIL problems.  I'm not even married to the guy yet.  From reading the archives, I have a lot ahead of me to deal with, as it only seems that this "nasty" woman who gave birth to my fiancé 40 years ago won't let go!  She has already made me uncomfortable, drives by his house all of the time, always needs something, and doesn't like me because I don't have a college degree!  Well, the truth of the matter is that I am taking away from her (or so she thinks) the only important thing in her life, her son!  I think she should get a life and be happy for him.  She is the kind of woman who makes comments about others like "I don't like ugly people."  She needs to look in the mirror at her "ugly" behavior.  I am totally turned off in even trying to start a decent relationship with this woman.  She even makes me call her Mrs. ********!  Not once has she extended and said "Please, call me *****."  I have no choice to have her as my MIL, but I have plenty of choices of how I'll react. Thanks for letting me share.

I'm having MIL problems, and we're not even married.  My fiancé and I have been together for almost 6 years.  We own a house together and we are engaged.  His mother HATES me.  Due to the fact that I have never done anything mean to her, and that I have done her countless favors, I can only believe that she hates me because we are not the same religion.  My fiancé's brother also married outside his religion, and MIL hates her too, also for no apparent reason.  This woman is mean, cold and nasty to me, and since my fiancé is a spineless, gutless wonder, he would never say anything to mommy.  I told him that since he does and says nothing to her, that he is sending a message to her that this type of behavior is ok with him.  He just doesn't get it.  She openly favors her daughter's two young kids, and her other son's daughter has asked me a number of times, "why doesn't grandma like me?"  She has managed to break us up twice.  She single-handedly cancelled our wedding 3 times.  This woman would chew off her own arm if it would prevent us from getting married.  I have never wanted another human being dead before ... I do now.  She has caused us, and her other son and his wife, so much grief.  I finally told my fiancé that we are NEVER getting married, because of his mother.  He said, "I though you wanted to get married."  I said, "I do want to get married. I just don't want to marry you."  We are in therapy now because of her.  Our therapist asked us what we fight about, excluding his mommy, and we couldn't come up with anything.  I'm not sure about this, but doesn't it say in the Bible that a "Husband shall leave his mother" for his wife?

My MIL moved in with us all the way from Canada.  Things started out okay, till she decided that she didn't like my decorating.  I came home to my house that had been completely redecorated.  She then proceeded to tell me that her son is a loser and I deserve better.  She was just doing this to get rid of me.  I talked to my husband and told him what she was doing.  He ignored me at first.  But, after about 3 months he started to see.  I was packed and ready to walk out the door.  He came home.  She came home.  He told her things are going to change.  She moved out 2 weeks later, and moved in with her other son, and now her other DIL is being treated the same way, and what do you know, they don't think I am the B---h anymore!

My "MIL from Hell" story has been gnawing away at me for over two years now, since the death of my newborn son.  My husband and I have been happily married for 6 years (though we have been together for 13 years...and I have dealt with MIL from HELL for all 13 years!) and had been trying for our first child since our wedding in 1993.  We were finally blessed with a pregnancy, although extremely problematic (MULTIPLE problems throughout the entire pregnancy...I even delivered the baby in the car on the way to the hospital, as my husband drove like mad!).  I was 38 at the time, and had been told by EVERY specialist imaginable that I would never conceive...this was truly a MIRACLE baby!  We lost our little boy in neonatal ICU due to respiratory failure soon after his birth.  My MIL drove me home (my husband stayed behind) from the hospital, during which time I told her that her son and I had mutually decided that we DID NOT want a memorial service.  She reluctantly agreed, though she made it very clear that SHE wanted one (the PUSHY hag)...said, "you NEED it..."  I again stressed that we did not wish to have a service.  Nothing more was said about the subject (or so I THOUGHT) until three days later when the funeral home called me to say that "your son's ashes have not yet arrived, and we are concerned that they will not be ready for your MEMORIAL SERVICE tomorrow!"...Needless to say, I was LIVID.  My MIL had gone AGAINST OUR EXPLICIT WISHES and had made arrangements WITHOUT MY APPROVAL!!!  I later found out that MIL had told several people that I just didn't know what I wanted or needed, and that a service was "the proper thing to do"...To top it off, MIL called the day after the service and stated "well, I took care of the arrangements and paid the ministers.  You need to write them thank you notes immediately!" ... I still SEETHE at the thought of what transpired...

My MIL is always using guilt trips on my husband.  One day my father in law is doing great, but every time she wants my husband and I to do something then she says that he's not doing too well.  They should call them Mothers of Guilt!

Well, I believe my mother in law is the worst one out there.  I married her only son.  I've been around for 13 years, and she still insists that I'm using him.  She is mean and nasty to the core!!!!!  One time she wanted a gift for her b-day early, and my husband and his sister were going in on it, and the mother-in-law wanted it early.  So, she put my husband's money in on it, and he was to pay her back.  Well, the day came and my husband did not put the money in the card - it was in his pocket - and she ripped the card open, did not even read it, and she stood up and said, "where's my f-n money", and slapped my husband in the face.  Can you believe that?  Then, on the first x-mas I was around, I got a USED bottle of perfume, and an old wrinkled up velour shirt that was at the bottom of her closet for years.  I used to help her out around the house, but one day when she was watching my kids she said, "Now you can help me out around here."  I said, "I think I help you out a lot" and she said, "Well, not enough."  Like I owe her something.  Then, when my son was born, on top of arguing with everyone at the hospital in my room, an hour after my son was born she told my husband that our new son was ugly.  Can you believe it?  When my daughter was born she told my husband that she wasn't his because her hair was dark (my hair is dark) and she had a dark complexion (she had jaundice).  The lady really must get a grip!!!!  She needs to stay out of our business.   This is only a slim part of what I've been through in the past years.  There isn't enough time to tell it all.  But I believe I have the worst mother in-law.

My husband and I got married 2 1/2 years ago.  I do have a crazy MIL who drives me nuts!  I have not talked to her since our last fight 3 month ago.  Even though my husband knows his mother is a crazy woman, he wants me to talk to her again.  I'm ready to walk out (don't get me wrong, I do love my husband deeply.) however, I'd rather be alone than having her in my life.  She's an evil person.  And she beats most of the MILs here...unlucky me...there are just so many things that have been said right in my face...I don't know where to begin...(like, "He's miserable because of you!!" (yelling) - which is not true at all)

Today we talked to a marriage counselor on the phone...(at the same time).  Thank god for him!!!  He thinks my husband should cut that crazy woman loose (not his exact words) saying my husband is the PROTECTOR from the invader (my MIL).  I feel so much better now, and I think my husband finally realizes he has to stand up for me. 

This holiday season has been hell.  I asked my mil to take us to get the children's pictures taken.  She agreed that it was okay.  So it was going good in the beginning, but we came back to the house and she mentioned that they were going to get a Christmas tree on the weekend, and she wanted my husband and my children to go,  and I was to stay home.  I bit my tongue and told my husband, and he told her that I was going along with them because he was trying to start a tradition with our family.  She was okay with that.  She had no choice in the matter.  She is always trying to eliminate me from everything.  She also makes stupid comments in front of my daughter about me.  She has got to realize that these little comments aren't going to make her look good in the end.

She doesn't like the way I decorate my house either, because she always bring things to my house and makes suggestions of her own on the way she would do this or that.  This makes me so mad, but I just smile and say "yeah" and that is it.  And, if she does try to change it, I just put it back to the way it was before she came.  I just wish that there was something I could do instead of grinning and bearing it.  Help me please! 


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Holiday Hell" in your response.

I don't understand my future mother-in-law.  My fiancé and I are going to be married in October of 2000.  We don't have a lot of money, and we're going to be saving everything we can so that we can have a nice wedding, and a nice honeymoon.  Meanwhile, my future MIL is insisting that my fiancé go to the west coast for his brother's graduation in January.  He has told her that he most likely will not be able to go.  Still, she says things to him like "When we go out to the graduation...." etc.  Of course "we" means her family, not including her son's fiancée--me.

My fiancé gets two weeks vacation each year, which is ten working days.  Now, his mother is expecting him to make this trip, which will take up four of his vacation days.  Apparently, she doesn't care whether we have a honeymoon.

A few days after we told her we are getting married, she admitted to me that she thought that since we announced a wedding, that it meant I was pregnant (I'm not).  She said she only thought that for a second.  So, she basically thought that her son would only marry me because he "had" to?

Now, she's complaining that we're not getting married IN a church.  I only wonder if it's like this now, is it going to get worse after we're married?


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "Will It Get Worse?" in your response.

RESPONSE:  For "Will It Get Worse":
Yes, it will.  I'd start talking to your future husband NOW about the various ways he can, and will defend you to his mother when she makes these nasty comments.  Perhaps you could find out what type of relationship she had with her MIL in the meantime.  If she had a lousy relationship, then good luck on both fronts!  However, if she had a good relationship, use a little psychology on her!  Tell her, "Gee, I'm so looking forward to having the same type of loving relationship with you that you have/had with your MIL!  Isn't it so nice that you have your MIL as this great example!!"  WHAT is she going to say to THAT, you know?

This is a long story, but I am venting almost 5 years worth of MIL abuse!!!

Virgo + Mother-in-Law = EVIL (It is so long it deserves a title)

My Mother-in-law "Jane" is a really self righteous witch with a capital B.  When I first met her, things were basically fine.  My husband (then fiancé) "John" took me to visit her after we had been dating a couple of years.  He and his mother were not particularly close and live at opposite ends of the country (now I know why).  Anyway, so we go and spend about a week up there.  John warned me that Jane finds fault with everyone and is known family wide for her "silent treatments" and her opinionated, conflicting views.  So I was prepared to face the EVIL future mother-in-law.

Surprise, surprise... she and I got along great.  I found her to be very pleasant and funny and caring.  Though Jane is a staunch Catholic, she allowed John and I to sleep in the same room in separate twin beds even though we were not married yet.  She was aware that John and I were living together and made no fuss about it.  Whew, I felt like I had passed, and even decided that John was being entirely too critical of Jane.

It just so happened that a month after our visit, John's uncle passed away.  We flew back to Jane's house.  I felt out of place at the funeral simply because John and I were not married yet, but John was insistent that he wanted me there.  During the four day visit, I sensed that Jane was acting strange towards me, but I blew it off - deciding that she must be just emotional over her brother dying.  I did, however, mention to John that she was acting somewhat mad at me.  He assured me that she had not mentioned anything to him, and that before his Uncle passed away he asked her.  You see, we had already had this conversation a week before we went up there, because I had sensed she was upset at me one day when I answered the phone.  I answered and was glad to hear from her, and was just talking... maybe asking her how she was doing, when she very abruptly said she wanted to talk to John.  The whole time my instincts told me something was wrong, but she insisted that nothing was wrong and she wasn't mad at me.

I finally decided that I was mistaken.  More than a year later we went to visit Jane for Christmas.  Though John and I had asked Jane if she would prefer us to stay in a hotel, because she was having so many people come in from out of town, she insisted that we stay there.  The first night that we got there it was already very late.  Having traveled so long, John and I were not particularly tired... and Jane and John's brother, "Dave", were excited to see us.  We were up till 4:00 a.m. just chatting.  When it was time for bed, Jane gave us our sleeping assignments.  Originally, she told John and I that we could have her room, but we both declined, knowing that the arrangement would make us all uncomfortable.  It just was not appropriate yet, as John and I were still engaged.  So then she announced new sleeping arrangements:
John-in the back bedroom
Dave-in his room
Jane-in her bed, and I could sleep in there with her.

I was cool with not sleeping in the same bed with John, but I didn't want to sleep with her in her bed.  I asked if I could instead sleep on the couch.  She said, "Of course," and got me some blankets.  John and I were watching a movie, and I had not gotten my PJ's on yet, but had taken off my shoes and got under the blanket.  John, with his head laid at the other end of the couch, did the same.  So we were both fully dressed, under a blanket, watching a movie on TV.  Jane came out of the bathroom, saw us on the couch, and said she was off to bed.  Her bedroom is positioned in such a way that it looks directly into the den where John and I were watching this movie.  So trust me, no hanky panky going on.  As the movie ended, I told John to go to bed - I didn't want to start anything.

He laughed and said no.  After all, his mother had originally assigned us (John and I) to sleep in her bed.  He said that he just really didn't want to be in a different room and bed, and that she should not care if he fell asleep there... we were fully dressed and at opposite ends of the couch.  I went so far as to get up to go to the bedroom, and he stopped me, again saying that we were grown, and doing nothing wrong.  Basically, he felt that I was being too uptight. I relented and fell asleep on the opposite end of the couch fully clothed.  The next morning Jane woke us up and seemed a bit stressed.  I was mad at John, and told him so, because I knew she was pissed.  He then bluntly asked her if we had upset her, and she said no.  John sort of gave me that "see, I told you so" look and dropped it. 

The next few days she continued acting pissy to me and made sideways comments like, "You can borrow my skirt, but don't take it home."  I tried to just stay out of her way and I ignored most of what she said.  John insisted that I was making a mountain out of a molehill.  As it turned out, I also got a basic flu while there.  Fever, chills, cough, and tiredness... I couldn't will myself to stay alert, and I just wanted to sleep.  This did not please Jane.  Finally, the basic holiday hoopla was over, and John took his mother out for the day.  They went shopping downtown and had lunch.  John and I decided we would go to dinner that night, as we had not been alone all week, we just wanted some quiet time. 

We did go out, but the "date" was very short.  I was not prepared for John's very sour mood that evening.  He wouldn't talk to me and would hardly look up.  I was confused and mad.  He didn't want to go to dinner, and he just insisted that he had a headache.  We ended up pulling into a park, I was hoping we could just talk.  He insisted that it was time to go home.  I was happy to go home because I was sick and Jane was stressing me out.  He would not tell me why he was mad, but he said he would not spend another night in Jane's house.  I knew something had been said at lunch.

For a month afterwards John acted sullen and depressed and was picking fights with me.  I couldn't deal with it anymore.  I made him tell me what she said.  She told him that I was using him, and that I was a gold digger, and that given a chance I would leave him for my ex-boyfriend.  I was shocked.  I could not figure out where she would get that impression.  John and I both worked, and were currently sitting on a bare floor (with the exception of bean bags) because we were saving up to buy a couch.  "Rich" would not have defined John or me in either way.  As for my ex, well, that one threw me for a loop.  I had only had one conversation with her about my ex... shortly after I met her.

It took me a bit to remember the conversation, but I finally realized why she had started acting so aloof towards me.  A couple of weeks after I had met her for the first time, she called me, upset, and just needed someone to vent to.  Her divorce was finally going through, and she had just run into her old high school sweetheart.  She claimed that he was that guy that she always wished she had married - the one that just sort of always stuck in the back of her mind.  Well, my ex was also my high school sweetheart, and I commented that I wondered if I would still think about him in 30 years.  Then a discussion began about my ex, and John, and her, and her ex, and her current (though separated) husband.  I was very truthful that it took a long time for me to emotionally commit to John, because my ex had completely broken my heart.  I think I even said that I knew that it would be very hard to walk away from my ex if he ever wanted to date again.

I was not scared of these emotions and I did not feel that they were abnormal or in any way indicated my commitment to John.  To me they were simply loose ends that I need to resolve.  I also was wary of my own emotional judgment, and I didn't want to be with John on the rebound only to find out later that I was not really in love with him.  I was in a very similar situation as she was.  We went on to discuss my need for a long engagement.  I knew from the day that I met John that I wanted to marry him, but I wanted to marry him with all of me and without reservation.  From that conversation, she ascertained that I did not love John, that I was using him, and that I only loved my ex.  I further added to her belief later when I postponed our wedding.  I was still too nervous to make the final jump.  When I realized this, I was relieved, because I could see how the misunderstanding could have occurred.  I called her hoping to talk.

She was very rude and callous, saying that she did not misinterpret what I said.  Furthermore, why did I have the gall to sleep with her son in her house when I was not married to him... she stated that I was purposely challenging her and her rules.  It seemed everything I had done since that conversation a year and half before had been under scrutiny.  I was actually amazed at everything wrong I had done to her to "take away her son, and challenge her."  I hate fighting, and even after being completely admonished for things that were extreme exaggerations of actual events or flat out lies, I apologized for upsetting her.  I just wanted her not to be mad at me anymore.

Finally, she said that Dave no longer wanted to come spend the summer with us because he didn't like the way I manipulated John.  The summer plans had been made at Christmas, and up until then I did not know that Dave was mad at me.  Actually, I didn't take her word for it, though I finally stood up for myself very forcefully and loudly.  I was mad and humiliated.  She used this as yet another example of my challenging her.  Meanwhile, John stayed pretty much out of it - to the point that I got angry at him.  I mean, after all, he is the one who insisted we sleep on the couch.  He conveniently could not remember how that all came down.  Things began to worsen, and though John would not engage in conversations about me, he would not stand up for me either.  He insisted that it was between his mother and me.  This went on for a year, where they talked but I was excluded.  Amazingly, John and I stayed together.  Finally, I decided to write Jane a letter - hoping to mend the relationship and apologize.

She called me shortly afterward to let me know that she almost threw the letter away.  Rather than us then having a pleasant conversation to clear the air, she continued by letting me know that it amazed her that this issue still bothered me.  Taking this to mean maybe we could move on, I asked her if she forgave me, and she very bluntly said, "no."  I asked her if it was important to her for us to get along, and she said, basically, that I was not a member of the family yet and she had no intention of being nice to me.  I asked her if she ever was bothered by the problems between us, and she stated that I was not an important enough issue to worry about.  All this was horrible - the conversation was a very hard one, because I was trying so hard to just let whatever she said ride.  The truth was that John was the one being hurt by us not talking.  I wasn't aiming to be her best friend, but a level of civility was important.  I began to cry, probably because I was biting my tongue so hard, and then John walked in.

He took the phone from me, and in no uncertain terms let her know that he knew the truth and knew that she was wrong - and that if she could not be rational towards me, then she could not call anymore.  John told her once again that he loved her and he loved me.  He said he was going to marry me, and his place was by my side.  He then asked her to not make him choose.

A month or so later, our invitations were being sent out for our wedding.  John wanted his mother to attend, despite the last conversation.  He was nervous calling her, but I assured him that I would like her at our wedding also.  He called her, and her response was, "If you marry her, then I will know that I have a son somewhere."  She then pointedly asked him to choose me or her, and of course he chose me.  John and I have lived together since April of 1994, and have been married since October of 1997.  I am more in love with John today than I ever was.  Jane and Dave did not attend our wedding.  On rare occasion Dave and John have talked to each other via the internet - the conversations (according to John) are short and strained.  Last week, Jane and John spoke their first words in over two years.  John's dad had a heart attack, and John needed to let his brother know.  Jane still refused to acknowledge me at all by abruptly changing the subject if John mentioned me. 

Like I said Virgo + Mother-In-Law = EVIL!!

Anonymous Libran daughter-in-law will gladly take advice, revenge tips, and sympathy... :)


***NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to this (using our mother-in-law stories submission page) if you have any advice to share.  Reference this story as "EVIL" in your response.

RESPONSE:  Dear Daughter in law of EVIL....I have the same problem 2-fold....My MOTHER IN LAW is plain evil, from telling me I named my baby a "fag" name, to getting my husband to feel sorry for her and give her money (she has A LOT of money in the bank, and a paid for house - we have 3 children, and live pay check to pay check).....My MOTHER is a "B" as well, and treats my hubby like crap, so we quit talking to my parents altogether, which is sad for my children, but a lot less stress for our family ... we ignore them all, and it works ... you should try it.

RESPONSE:  Dear Libra (DIL of EVIL),  Your letter brought back a flood of memories for my husband and me.  The good news is that we have been together for almost 2 decades.  At first, his parents were a constant source of aggravation for us.  They questioned EVERY decision we made, however, we never asked for their opinion on any issues.  Like your MIL, they brought up their objections when I was not around, and their opinion always reflected on me in a negative light.  They justified their views under the cover of "looking out for their son".  Their meddling was insulting (insinuating that we needed THEM to think our decisions through for us).   The funny thing about them is that their personal and business lives have always been a disaster.  So who would want to get advice from them anyway?

My MIL also threatened not to come to our wedding (after months of trying to get her way and being unsuccessful), but she did show up when no one paid any attention to her tantrum.  

After a while, they must have gotten tired of trying to get between us, and now they pretty much behave.   Anyway, I really just wanted to say that I'm glad your husband stood up to VIRGO and took your side.  That is what happened in my marriage, and I think it is the key to success.

And, as far as revenge goes - as they say, "Living well is the BEST revenge!"  So, rest assured, it must be killing VIRGO that you are happily married to her son!

RESPONSE:  Response to "EVIL"
Wow!  Your MIL situation sounds horrible.  It was a little scary for me to read, as my future MIL is also a Virgo, and like you, I am a Libra.  Funny coincidence.  By the way, I am the author of the story (Will It Get Worse) that appeared right above yours.  I hope one day that your situation will get better, as mine has.  Since I submitted my little ball of complaints, things have gotten a little better.  Now we are ALL going out to the West Coast for this graduation--yes, even me--and she's beginning to show some excitement about our wedding.  I only hope that things can stay on a nice track.  And I hope that your MIL can realize that you're family whether she likes it or not.  I only wonder about her feelings for her son, since she's so willing to go without speaking to him.  Sounds to me like he's got the better woman now though.  Good luck!