To Help The Red Cross Click Here
Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.

 
mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif
Mother-In-Law Stories
Worst Gift Archives
November 2002
(can you top this? - if so, press here)
mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif

<--Previous Archive        Next Archive -->

Latest Stories,
Click Here.

Latest Responses,
Click Here.


Worst gift:  For Christmas last year DH received a new leather coat.  What was my gift from my MIL??  An omelet maker!!!!  YES, one of those cr@ppy, cheap, omelet makers that you microwave!  Let's just say that I'll be saving some $$ this Christmas!

        Signed - Take Your Omelets and Shove 'Em!

RESPONSE:  Take Your Omelets and Shove 'Em!
Please, oh PLEASE, send your ILs an omelet for Christmas this year!

RESPONSE:  Take Your Omelets and Shove 'Em!
Typical MIL act!  You are right to conserve your cash on her.  Buy yourself something nice instead.

RESPONSE:  Take Your Omelets and Shove 'Em!
Hmm, DH gets a nice new coat to strut about in while you make him omelets.  Ahh, just kidding.  I don't know if this will make you feel better, but at least they give you a gift!!!  Have a great holiday season!

Worst gift:  I adore getting birthday cards.  They are just a tangible reminder that SOMEONE thought about me and thinks it is a good thing I was born.  MIL won't even do that.  If I am lucky, I get an email card sent to me.  Even worse, she has told me that she usually forgets about my birthday till the day of.  I was born on HALLOWEEN!  Plus, she is known throughout her huge, extended family for having everyone's birthdays and anniversaries memorized.  My DH and kids get cards and presents for their birthdays.  I really don't mind not getting a gift.  But, I guess she can't even make one lousy card on her computer and mail it off a couple days in advance.  My DH has even BEGGED her to just send me a card.  Oh well!

        Signed - Not Even Worth 37 Cents!

RESPONSE:  Not Even Worth 37 Cents!
I have read a lot on this site about birthday cards - getting and not getting them.  And, I have read a lot of different opinions about how you should and shouldn't care about it.  But, what I truly believe is that when you care about someone, you care about what is important to them as well.  Even if your MIL was NOT a card sending person, but knows full well that on your birthday that makes you happy, then why not bite the bullet and send one??  It is a simple way to make you happy.

RESPONSE:  Not Even Worth 37 Cents!
I'm right there with you on this one.  We could be soul sisters!  It hurts to not be remembered, especially when DH and the kids are remembered.  And, especially when you are the one who reminds DH about the birthdays in his family!  Your MIL sounds like a jerk!!!!!

Worst gift:  The worst gift I could have received from the b!tch was Christmas 2001.  In front of everyone, she had me open a gift certificate for an aerobics class.  I may be overweight by 20 lbs., but I can lose the weight.  She, on the other hand, will always have that horse face!  LOL.

        Signed - Happy She's Gone

RESPONSE:  Happy She's Gone
Ha ha!  I love your comment of horse face.  My MIL looks like E.T. with a blond wig, or a gremlin with a blond wig!  And, funny, it is not a wig, but her real hair!  I have the right to comment on her hair since she has made remarks that my hair is thin!  Hmm.  They ask for the same treatment they dish out!  They rile us up, so of course they deserve it back!

RESPONSE:  Happy She's Gone
Your post made me laugh!  A horse face never goes away!!!!  That was out of line for her to get you an aerobics certificate.  That was mean.  Maybe you could start a new trend in the gifts you give to her?  Maybe every year you could get her something with a picture of a horse on it?  A set of horse towels, horse pajamas, a horse poster.  The options are endless!  Good luck!

RESPONSE:  Happy She's Gone
I don't actually think it's a bad present.  I would LOVE lessons for an aerobics class, just shows how SELFISH some people are, and I'm just talking about the DIL

RESPONSE:  Happy She's Gone
I know that it's really easy to be overly sensitive about your weight, but have you considered that she might have thought you would enjoy access to a gym?  Perhaps you've been talking about getting in shape for a while, and she decided to help you out?  My parents gave me a gym pass for my birthday last year.  It wasn't an insult, but rather, an opportunity to do something by myself when DH takes over watching the kids.

Worst gift:  What makes this really irk me is that this wasn't a gift for me, it was for my daughter.  MIL has never liked me, and has made no bones about it to my DH.  She simply ignores me when I'm around.  A few months ago, we were in the IL's area, and we stopped by to see them.  It happened to be my DD's 2nd birthday.  The whole family was there:  DH, DD, DS, FIL, MIL, BIL, SIL and I.  We ended up going into a drugstore at the end of the visit.  The whole time MIL had acted like the kids and I weren't there.  She even ignored DD when DD tried to talk to her.  Well, DD was looking at some brightly colored teething toys (a fish, in particular).  SIL kept giving MIL looks, so after a half-hour of DD keeping on going to look at this particular toy, MIL finally gave this huge sigh and said, "Well, I guess I'll get her that for her birthday (another huge, gusty sigh)."  She was so obviously reluctant.  I told her that she didn't have to.  She actually DID try to get out of it!  But, at that point, both FIL and SIL were giving her "don't try it" looks, so she went through with it.  Now, it wasn't the cheapness of the toy itself (it is getting good use as DS's teething ring, LOL), but her attitude.  It really got me angry.  And, now she's going to be here for a long weekend, and I have to deal with her ignoring the kids and I the whole time.  Grrr.

        Signed - MIL Wants DH to Herself

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
Your husband needs to grow a backbone and demand that his mother either respect you and your daughter, or you can leave.

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
I can't believe this woman is so heartless and cold.  Why in the world would she be so cruel to a child?  Keep your children away from her.  As they grow older, they will be able to tell that Grandma thinks of them as pests and a burden.  What did your DH say?  It sounds like the rest of the family is okay, and can see her actions???  My MIL once sent my DD a rubber bracelet, one of those jelly ones.  I was offended.  Why bother sending anything at all?  It was for my DD's 2nd birthday, by the way.  Some people just suck!

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
I guess you couldn't have gotten the teething toy for your DD yourself?  Why was MIL expected to do it?  I sympathize with you.  I'm sorry that your MIL ignores you and the kids, but am confused about why it was SHE who was supposed to buy it?

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
Where was your DH in all this?  Tell him to grow a spine, and to let mommy dearest know that she is not welcome in your home unless she can learn to be respectful of you and considerate of her grandchildren.  YOU are his family, and should come first.  DH should let her know that if he is forced to choose between you and her, she will lose.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
Why?  You are not obligated to have a rude guest in your home, especially overnight, even if she is your husband's mother.  Why does your husband allow this?  It does not bode well for your future with him.

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
Why is she coming if she can't be polite to you and the kids?  The answer is:  Because your DH is a wimp and a suck-up.  If you can't get him to tell the dragon lady that she can be polite to his family or stay home, I'd take the kids and go stay in a hotel (at DH's expense) until she's gone.  Let *him* clean and cook for the old bat.

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
Why would you allow this person into your home?  No one has the right to treat you or your children that way.  Your DH needs to step up and make you his first priority, then enforce that with his mother.  If it's this unpleasant to spend time with her, why is it even worth it to pretend?  DH needs to tell her this (not you - it makes her the martyr).  DH needs to be the one to say that she's not welcome to treat his loved ones this way.  Then, state that it's not worth it to keep contact anymore, and that if she would like to start a healthy relationship with you, you can all start over again.  You're the parent here, so start demanding accountability, particularly with respect to your children.

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
Simply make separate plans for you and the kids for her entire visit, and go follow with them.  Leave your husband at home to deal with dear MIL.  That should be reciprocation for the cold shoulders you've been getting.

RESPONSE:  MIL Wants DH to Herself
What the he!! is wrong with your supposed husband?  Why does he allow his mother to treat his own kids that way, never mind his wife?  I wouldn't allow that woman to step one foot into my home if she treated me (and, especially, my children) with such open disrespect and contempt.  Tell your D (for dumb-ass) H to grow a pair, and start putting his wife and kids first!  And, stand up for yourself and your kids!  You shouldn't accept such deplorable treatment from anyone!  Tell the witch to park her broomstick somewhere else until she can act like a civilized human being.

Worst gift:  One Christmas I received a sweatshirt with lovely large block letters reading, "I'M AVAILABLE" from my MIL.  I wear it and chuckle whenever I want to antagonize my husband.

        Signed - One Day I Just May Be

RESPONSE:  One Day I Just May Be
Har, har, har!  He who laughs last, laughs best!

RESPONSE:  One Day I Just May Be
Send her a sweatshirt back with the letters, "I'm a mean old cow."  That should teach her a lesson.

RESPONSE:  One Day I Just May Be
How stupid is that?  Who the he!! are some of these people?  How rude of her.

Worst gift:  Last year at Christmas time I had just started a diet program, and DH's family knew about this.  When Christmas time came and we were all giving our gifts to each other, I opened mine and found two huge boxes of chocolates.  I didn't know what to say, so I just said "thanks" politely, and handed them to my husband, who loves chocolates, and who is not on a diet.

        Signed - I Was Losing Weight

RESPONSE:  I Was Losing Weight
They might have gotten them for you before you told them you were on a diet.

RESPONSE:  I Was Losing Weight
Good for you!  Show them that their nastiness won't get to you.

RESPONSE:  I Was Losing Weight
Never tell them when you're on a diet.  You're just giving them ammo!  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  I Was Losing Weight
Did they know that you were on a diet, and defying you?  I think everybody knows they "shouldn't" eat chocolate, but personally, I would love a gift like that!

RESPONSE:  I Was Losing Weight
That was pretty lousy of them.  They could think of nothing else to get you but chocolates???  Not just one box, but two??  I don't know what people are thinking when they give from other than the heart at Christmas.  It doesn't make sense.

RESPONSE:  I Was Losing Weight
You said that you had just started a diet program - even if DH's parents did know about it, if they had bought the gifts ahead of time, is it possible that they bought them before you started your diet?  If that's the case, then I wouldn't hold it against them.

RESPONSE:  I Was Losing Weight
That has happened to me.  I have told my family that I'm on a diet, and they offer too take me out to eat, or bring over food.  I have taken it personally (because having that food around stresses me out), but I truly think it is because they care and they have "forgotten" about the diet.  I know I have probably made that blunder myself to friends and family.  Dieting and weight-watching is so hard sometimes, isn't it?  I wish you all the best.

Worst gift:  Last Christmas my MIL gave my husband some nice gifts:  a fancy wool blazer, other clothes, a new circular saw.  For me, she had obviously gone to the grocery store and bought food!  One item was a jar of ham and pea soup, even though she knows I don't eat ham.  The others included a box of crackers and a jar of nuts.  When I tried to be nice and said that I loved those kind of nuts, she gave me a shocked look and said, "Oh, I had no idea that you liked those nuts."  I guess I disappointed her.  Giving me food was no surprise.  I am a normal size woman and wear a size medium.  My friends and family were shocked that my MIL has made comments about my weight.  The Christmas before, she gave me one gift - a turtleneck sweater that was an XXL.  When my husband mentioned to her that we would have to exchange it, she said, "I thought DIL might like to wear something a little loose for a change!"

        Signed - Not Fat!

RESPONSE:  Not Fat!
What a witch.  Maybe DH should suggest a gift certificate for you to MIL?

RESPONSE:  Not Fat!
Um, you went back to her house after the tacky sweater gift?  This year I would mysteriously fall ill.

RESPONSE:  Not Fat!
You should have tried that XXL sweater on over what you were wearing in front of her (and everyone) just to show how ridiculous her gift looked.

RESPONSE:  Not Fat!
She's a b!tch, and your post has me boiling mad.  Who does she think she is treating you that way?  I would say that last Xmas was my last Xmas spent with MIL.  You don't deserve to have bad feelings on Xmas morning.  Would you have wanted your children to spend time with someone who deliberately tried to hurt you?  No, neither should you.  As far as the comment about the weight, that is enough for me too.  She is toxic, and is not worthy of your time.  Good luck, my fingers are crossed for you!

RESPONSE:  Not Fat!
This Christmas, give your husband panties and your MIL boxer shorts.  It appears there is a genetic mix-up on who ended up with the ba!!s.  And, then, buy yourself a nice gift, wrap it, and give it to yourself.  When asked, explain that you were raised with more manners than to hurt anyone's feelings in such a classless manner, so you decided this year to give a gift to the person who is always deliberately left out.  And, for Thanksgiving, when asked what you are thankful for, you can honestly state, "that God gave me the strength, wisdom, and heart not to be a bitter, hateful person who finds pleasure in hurting others."

RESPONSE:  Not Fat!
I feel badly for you.  You were trying really hard to put a good construction on things and think that she was trying to be nice.  And, then she seemed shocked that you actually would LIKE the nuts she gave you.  She sounds nasty.  I hope I'm wrong.

Worst gift:  At Christmas time, my MIL never made the practice of including me in her gift giving to our family.  But, one year, I guess she decided to break her traditional exhibition of Yuletide rejection by sending me a present.  As I opened the box with mixed feelings of hope, yet dreadful hesitation, I realized that my good ole MIL was still being true to her nature.  For, inside the box was a very cheap, and I do say cheap, Christmas candle, with the two dollar sticker left in plain sight.  No doubt it was one of her leftover decorations!  I could just imagine her smiling as she was wrapping it especially for me while thinking, "Ho, Ho, Ho.  Merry Christmas!"

        Signed - Loving, DIL

RESPONSE:  Loving, DIL
Why don't you wrap it up and give it back to her as a gift?

RESPONSE:  Loving, DIL
I hope you respond to her similarly.  How about a small package of dollar store paper plates for her this year?  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

RESPONSE:  Loving, DIL
I hope your and your DH's presents to her are of the same nature.  Look on the bright side - you can go to the dollar store, cross her off your shopping list, and spend all that extra money on people you care about!!!!  How cool is that?  Good Luck!

RESPONSE:  Loving, DIL
I don't let my MIL treat me rudely, and you shouldn't either!  I cannot believe your husband expected you to celebrate with her when she never even gave you a gift before.  Let him see them by himself this year.

RESPONSE:  Loving, DIL
Keep the candle, burn it for a few hours, and then give it back to her for her birthday or next Christmas.  Try to keep the price tag on it.  Or, maybe burn a part of the tag as a symbol of your gratitude.  Either way, the "gift" needs to go back to her at a future occasion!

Worst gift:  My own mother is the worst gift giver on the planet.  It drives me crazy.  One year, for her birthday (I was about 11 years old) I bought her a cute, yellow sweater.  Many YEARS later, I got it back for Christmas.  Another year, I received a dusty ol' bath set of lotions and bubbles that I had given to her.  One year, for my birthday, she invited me over to her house (you ARE NOT going to believe this).  She asked me to help her clean out her bathroom cabinets and closets.  She filled boxes and bags with old clothes, bras, UNDERWEAR, half-used bottles of lotion, conditioner, toothpaste, make-up, EVERYTHING, and, YES, she said to me, "This is for your birthday."  I thought she was kidding.  No one on the planet is that awful.  As it turns out, she was serious.  The wonderful gifts kept coming.  I finally made it a point to find the most hideous items that I could.  I act all excited about them when she opens them, and I sit back and enjoy!

        Signed - Old Undies???

RESPONSE:  Old Undies???
Well, I guess as long as she loves you, it's okay?

RESPONSE:  Old Undies???
She's crazy.  That is really strange.  Good for you for taking action with such a sly sense of humor.  Good luck!

Worst gift:  One of the worst gifts I ever got almost killed me.  My father had gotten remarried to a greedy, horrid shrew of a woman.  My siblings, our spouses, and all our kids went over to their house for Christmas.  We were forced to watch as her adult children and their families received thousands of dollars worth of gifts.  Ok, fine.  Well, they finally remembered that we were there too, and they passed us our gifts.  Here are some gifts that stick out:  DH got a free cloth calendar that was 2 years out of date.  My sons got dolls and hair bows, and one sister got little girl's underwear with the goodwill price tag still on.  My deadly gift was a bottle of perfume marked "free gift - not for resale".  That shrew grabbed the perfume from my hands and sprayed it right into my face, saying how my father told her how much I love this perfume.  I had a full blown allergic reaction, and stopped breathing.  My DH had to call 911, and I spent the next 9 to 10 hours in the ER.  My dad had told her that this perfume would do this to me, and she did this knowing full well what would happen.  The harpie told my siblings that she thought I was just making it up, and wanted to prove to my dad that I was a liar.  My dad's reply to all of this was, "Well, she is still trying to get the hang of being your mother."  SHE IS NOT THEN, NOR WILL SHE EVER BE OUR MOTHER!!!  WE were all over 21 when they married.  By the way, she never said that she was sorry, but she told me that I didn't have to be so dramatic and stop breathing the way I did.  I could have just told her that I didn't like the perfume!"

        Signed - Scent of a Killer Woman

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
OMG!!  I hope that you have nothing to do with this woman to this day!  That is one of the worst things I have ever heard!  Someone should have made her tell you she was sorry!

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
What I do not understand is why you failed to have her arrested for attempted murder.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
Oh, Jeez, she doesn't sound like "mommy material" to me.  Your dad's probably got the wind up on the b!tch.  I can't think of anything else to call her.  If I were you, I'd not see her for Christmas, Thanksgiving, or any occasions again.  Keep away from her - she sounds like a murderous witch.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
How can your dad stand there looking as his new wife's family gets wonderful things, and his own gets cr@p?  How can he stand up for a woman who almost killed his daughter?

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
I am sorry that you are having issues with your father and his wife.  P.S.  It sounds as if she bought gifts for her grown children, and your father was supposed to buy gifts for his grown children.  She was not required to provide the same.  She did not even know you all.  Talk to your father.  Perhaps there is a way to allow him to be happy with his new wife and his children.  Do you really want to be the one to make him choose?  And, if he left your mother, cheated on her and treated her badly, stop being a hypocrite, and tell him that you are angry, and why.  If DHs are expected to defend their loved ones even to the point of never seeing them again - so can women.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
Wow, your dad must be really whipped to allow her to do that to you all.  I would limit contact in the future.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
It sounds like you could beat her with a clue by 4, and she still wouldn't get it.  WOW.  Good thing DH called 911.  Did your dad check on you at all while you were in the ER?  It's too bad that your dad didn't call her on the carpet for that stunt.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
Your dad and his wife are both nuts.  I would never speak to either one of them again.  Who paid for the ER bill?  I'll tell you this, if it were me, I would speak to a lawyer about this.  If you can prove that she had prior knowledge of your allergic reaction, she has committed a crime and should be punished.  Your dad needs professional help with respect to the "being your mother" comment.  He is definitely in la-la land.  You may very well be saving your dad's life by taking some legal action now.  She sounds like Lizzy Borden!  Lots of luck!

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
What a b!tch!  I would never speak to her again!

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
Wow.  That takes the cake.  They say that indifference is worse than hatred.  That woman's indifference to you and your family is intolerable!

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
My heart goes out to you and your family.  I feel so sorry for your poor father.  He must have been so lonely to make such a bad judgment call.  I don't know what to say, except for your health's sake, keep away from her.  Underwear from Goodwill?  I hope she got those next year.  B!tch.  What goes around, comes around - take solace in that.  She will get hers.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
Appalling.  It sounds like DF doesn't want to open his eyes to what this woman is (who could blame him - opening his eyes might lead to blindness if she sprays something into his face!).

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
My FIL lived with a woman similar to your step-mom.  My DH and his siblings HATED this woman.  She spent every last cent my FIL had.  And, on his death, my FIL had nothing but heavily mortgaged property.  Most of it has been sold at a great loss.  She has the nerve to tell everyone that the kids treat her poorly, and my FIL is in heaven thinking badly about his kids.  She even told me this.  I told her that no one cared about her, and she was an awful person who needs to find a new sugar daddy.  We haven't spoken since.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
I'd be really tempted to press charges.  She deliberately did something that she knew, and she was told so she knew, would hurt you.  That's assault.  The kicker is your line about how you "didn't have to stop breathing".  The woman is an idiot - a raving lunatic.  And, I personally would not want anything to do with her ever again.  Although, I have to say, your dad didn't sound much better with his defense of her.  Good luck, and I hope you're able to stay far, far, away.

RESPONSE:  Scent of a Killer Woman
Your father is a womanizing piece of cr@ap.  Move away from that bastard.  You're better off without such a selfish idiot.  I'm sorry that you have such a horrible stepmother, but I'm sure your father couldn't get any better.

Worst gift:  My MIL and FIL have always treated me and our kids (their grandkids) like strangers that you have to tolerate and be polite to.  My wife never really could see that her parents never accepted that she had her own family until last month.  Her parents are in their late 60's, and like most folks, they did advance planning for death.  When they visited us (they live 200 miles away), they just had to show her what they bought her.  It was a cemetery plot next to theirs.  Yes, all three of them together - MIL, FIL, and my wife.  The plan was that they would all spend eternity together, and those other folks (her kids and husband) can go somewhere else.  They expected her to be thrilled.  Instead, my wife woke up to the fact that her parents don't seem to acknowledge her family.  She asked her dad, "What about my husband and kids?"  His look said it all, that they had never considered her family.  The "gift" of a cemetery plot has now made it clear to my wife how her family has treated us over the years.  For Xmas she would get several wonderful thoughtful gifts, and the kids and I would get gift cards for $10.  It's not the money that bothered me, it was the message it sent.  They would spend hours shopping and thinking of her, and grab something quick for us.  They never call to talk to me or the kids, just her.  They have invited her up several times by herself.  I have just bit my tongue and accepted this over the years, making sure the kids don't get hurt.  The kids don't really know this set of grandparents, but they know my parents really well.  DW has now seen this, and every time that she thinks back to an event with them, she just gets more angry.  I never made a big deal out of this, but now she sees it and feels badly that she never noticed it.  She also noticed how my family treats her (like a daughter or sister).  Her folks keep calling, and my wife will not answer it.  I don't care about my MIL and FIL, but it sure bothers me to see my wife hurt like this.  The wonderful gift for her was not the plot, but a good view of how things really are.  Maybe we can plant their little yapper dog in the extra plot.

        Signed - No Plot Husband

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
I'm glad your DW finally saw the light.  I guess it isn't just DH's moms who have "issues".  I cannot believe grandparents would ignore their own grandchildren.  Don't worry about your DW, it is not your responsibility to maintain her relationship with her family.  She owns it, and she is the one who is going to have to manage it.  Just support her.  You're a good husband.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
That is a really sad story!  The older I get, the more amazed I am at how thoughtless and cruel some people can be.  I'm so glad that your wife has seen the light.  I'm just sorry that it had to happen this way.  You're a good husband.  Continue to be there for your wife and children.  Your ILs will be sorry one day.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
I can't believe that your wife has been blind to this all these years.  Frankly, I feel that your wife has refused to admit the neglect you and the children were being subjected to, and that she is so angry now because of the accompanying guilt.  I can believe parents treating a SIL or DIL in this fashion , but to treat your own flesh and blood this way- your grandchildren - is AMAZING.  Your DW should have stood up to them YEARS ago because IMHO, MOST women (say 95 %) can always sense things earlier than men can!  I had met my PILs only once before my wedding, but I was able to realize a LOT of things that my husband had missed in all the years that he's known them!  This is not an exaggeration.  I'm happy that she's now facing up to how weird her parents really are, and showing them who her priorities are.  Things can only get better from here.  Hang in there!

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
Your poor DW.  You sound like a wonderful DH for sticking by her all of these years until she "saw the light".  It must be so hard for her, but she will never let go of her anger until she tells them how she feels and opens the lines of communication between them.  She needs to put a foot forward and tell her parents exactly how she feels.  Until she does, she will always hold this kernel of anger inside.  She deserves better.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
I feel badly that you and your children had to endure their cold shoulder all these years.  But, how could your wife not have noticed?  Maybe she's a little mad at herself as well, as she should be.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
Creepy-weird - and all too familiar.  Many years ago I dated a guy with a psycho-possessive mother who had also purchased funeral plots for herself, her mother, and her two sons, with no conception that maybe her sons would one day have families of their own.  And, yes, it's a very, very revealing thing to do.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
I feel badly for you.  It would have been dimwitted of them to get her a cemetery plot, even if she DIDN'T have a family, because how do they know she doesn't just want to be cremated?  I would think that people should not do something like that without asking.  Yes, they should bury the yappy little dog there!  They might love their daughter, but they aren't THINKING.  It sounds sad and hard for everyone, and you have my sympathy.  They might not hate you or the kids (it doesn't sound like they do), but they just haven't gotten past their habit - in all these years - of just thinking of their daughter as their little girl.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
After my father died, my mother bought four cemetery plots.  She and my father were to be in the middle, my brother beside mother, and I was to have spent eternity beside my father.  I was shocked.  Did she not even consider that I may have a family in the future?  My momma's boy brother was very happy with his plot.  I woke up to the insanity last year.  I'm glad your wife has too.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
It might be wise for your wife to seek counseling to sort out her feelings about this late realization.  In denying her family, MIL and FIL have denied part of her.  They have refused to acknowledge her independent adulthood.  This can be very damaging.

RESPONSE:  No Plot Husband
It is so sad that your in-laws act like you and the kids don't exist or have an important relationship to your wife.  What is so weird is how they do it to their own grandkids.  I read stories on this site all the time about DILs, and occasionally SILs, who are treated poorly, and that is totally wrong.  But it is so horrible when people stoop to behaving like that toward children, especially their own grandchildren!!!  I don't understand how anyone can be so petty or dismissive towards a child.  My SIL has children, and my in-laws don't pay much attention to them, either.  They highly resent ever being asked to baby-sit, and they never just call SIL and ask to take the kids out.  It's like they still see their daughter as a little girl, and are only interested in playing mommy and daddy, not grandma and grandpa.  I do not have any children, but my in-laws constantly try to keep me from seeing anyone in my family, and they try to discourage DH from seeing them either.  They are so jealous of anyone who takes one ounce of their son's attention.  And, even though they don't like me, they expect me to pledge them total allegiance and cut my family off.  It's like they expected to remain DH's nuclear family until they die, and everyone else, including me, is just an intruder.  And, though they haven't bought a cemetery plot, they like to bring up dying every time they don't get their way, or when they feel that DH or SIL aren't paying enough attention to them.  Fortunately, DH has finally noticed this self-centered behavior and sticks up for me.  I'm glad that your wife has opened her eyes and supports you, and it sounds like you are understanding and support her too.  The most important thing is that you and your wife are not letting this drive a wedge between you.  Good luck in dealing with those wackos.

Worst gift:  Just like "Please Buy the Dog a Bone!", I, too, dread any occasion where I will be the recipient of a "gift" from my MIL.  She is always giving me "gifts" that look like they came from the 99-cent bin, or some promotional items that have her company's logo on them (items given to her for free, and passed on to me because she had no use for them), or small appliances or other stuff that we didn't ask for and/or already have a good one at home (but she got it at a garage sale for $2!).  OK, just because it was dirt cheap, that does not mean that we needed a third wok or a 10-slice toaster for 2 people.  Then, she gripes about me to DH and other family members, saying that I never sent a thank-you note!  It's been 6 years.  I want her to get "mad" enough to stop giving me any gifts at all if they're all going to be cr@ppy!  The most my jaw ever dropped was the year she gave my "stout" husband a device that measures your body fat, and a diet cookbook.  At least the card didn't say "Happy Birthday, Fat Boy", although that's what she meant.

        Signed - Don't Give Me Anything, Then

RESPONSE:  Don't Give Me Anything, Then
I don't know - I wish I could think of something really clever to tell you.  Just grin and bear it, I suppose.  Good Luck.  This stinks.

RESPONSE:  Don't Give Me Anything, Then
Why don't you try picking up a yellowed box of dog-eared old Thank You cards at a garage sale, and send her one of THOSE.  Better yet, take a thank-you card that somebody else sent you, cross off the TO and FROM names, and put hers and your names in.  Waste not, want not!

RESPONSE:  Don't Give Me Anything, Then
Awful.  I know one evil MIL who gives more to be thought of as generous rather than out of true thoughtfulness (or heaven forbid, love).  She gives deluges of ancient cosmetic samples and things from the local dent 'n' bent stores.  Once, she gave her DIL (a beautiful woman, by the way) a nasty, bent-up package of hair dye in a random color - just what the dent'n'bent store had.  She had a sly, nasty attitude when she got it, too.  I was with her.  I don't know how her DILs stand her (or her own kids, for that matter).  Your post reminded me of her.  And, your MIL wants thank-you notes?!  I bet you do wish she wouldn't give you anything, rather than unabashed junk that you just have to get rid of.

Worst gift:  In the two and a half years prior to our wedding, my husband never made it a priority to include me in his family functions.  I was never invited to Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc.  So, I never got to know my in-laws, which is comprised of my MIL, two SILs (who are now 24 and 25, and still live with MIL), and one BIL.  My husband is the oldest of the pack, and I call them a pack because they live as a pack.  MIL is the alpha wolf that nobody messes with, and she protects her young ferociously.  When planning our wedding, I asked my husband if he wanted his sisters to be bridesmaids.  He didn't think it was all that important, and said it would be too costly for the alpha wolf.  Being that I didn't know his sisters at all, I was completely comfortable with his decision.  As it turns out, one of my best friends became pregnant with a due date the same week as the wedding.  She opted to step down from her role as bridesmaid.  To compensate, we asked my husbands two sisters to step in, and found another gent as well to complete the pair.  Their attitude was less than delightful throughout, and their animosity was clear the day after the wedding.  Although tired and weak from running the days before the wedding, and the exhausting day itself, I whipped up a nice meal, and had the pack over for lunch and gift opening.  Although the atmosphere was chilly, we made it through the gifts and began opening and sharing cards.  The card we got from the sisters-in-law was quite shocking.  It was from a "create-a-card" machine.  The front was a nice wedding scene with the following statement labeled across the front:  "There seems to be a misunderstanding."  On the inside was $40.00, and the phrase that is so clearly etched in my mind.  "Why weren't we asked to be bridesmaids FIRST!"  My kind husband sat there holding his jaw in his hands while I tried to bail myself out the misery he helped create.  This wasn't the beginning of my nightmare, and it certainly was not the last.  Wait until you hear my 30th birthday story!!!!!

        Signed - Marriage Mistake

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
You poor thing!  How dare they do that to you.  They sound like the wicked stepsisters in Cinderella.  B!tches.

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
I'm sorry.  How incredibly rude of them!

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
Consider this a painful lesson in why you shouldn't let the alpha b!tch run your life.  You might tell your SILs that it was their mother who thought they shouldn't be bridesmaids in the first place.

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
I would make sure that DH takes the blame on that one, and that it wasn't your fault!

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
You should have provided an honest answer right there and then!  Let them know that you had never really gotten to know them.  And, so, when your pregnant friend dropped out, you thought it would have been a nice gesture.  Put them on the spot.  You must learn to confront attitudes rather than try to smooth them over and let them simmer over the long term.  Good luck to you!

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
You are angry with your husband and focusing it at others.  Trust your instincts.  He is a man, and has a limited idea how other women would react to not being included.  Did he explain to his sisters that he told you, "not to include them"?  From your statements, he appears controlling, and you are trying to get out from underneath that control.

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
Tell DH to tell your SILs that it was his judgment call that they were not initially asked.  For the record, I think it would have been better not to ask them at all than to ask them as second choices.  I think THAT was the real mistake.

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
You married into a family that you did not get to know well?  It doesn't sound like your marriage is on solid ground.  Your DH also sounds like a dork.  He needs some help establishing the roles you and his family have in his life.  Get him some help.

RESPONSE:  Marriage Mistake
While it was your and DH's wedding to plan as you see fit, I can understand why the SILs were upset at being second choice.  But, there's a lot of blame to be shared here.  It was DH's responsibility to explain the initial decision of not including SILs in the wedding party.  It sounds as though this was not explained to MIL or SILs.  Yes, SILs were extremely rude in giving such an explicit and inflammatory wedding card.  They're obviously immature.  But like I said, there's blame that goes all around.  Why were you left trying to explain the situation while "my kind husband sat there holding his jaw in his hands"?  One thing I've learned, if there's a problem that the ILs have with the couple, the ILs are inclined to place the blame at the feet of the person who married into the family, and not with their child/sibling.

Worst gift:  After we got engaged, my MIL gave me the nightgown that she wore on her wedding night, 36 years ago, and she wanted me to wear it on my wedding night.  Then, she whined forever that I "hurt [her] feelings by not wearing it."

        Signed - Horrified

RESPONSE:  Horrified
Ewww.  Gross out factor.

RESPONSE:  Horrified
Eeewww!  That's all I have to say.

RESPONSE:  Horrified
That is SO GROSS.  I hope you told her where she could put her nightgown.  What did DH have to say?

RESPONSE:  Horrified
EEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!  How weird!!!  What did your husband say?  I've just got to know!

RESPONSE:  Horrified
The same thing happened to me.  I didn't think anyone else would have experienced the utter creepiness of that.  My MIL also tried to tell me of my FIL's reaction to her in her negligee!!!!!!

RESPONSE:  Horrified
SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RESPONSE:  Horrified
That is soooo icky.

RESPONSE:  Horrified
A tradition maybe?  Not the whining and the nightgown.  Do as you please.  But, you can make her happy by TELLING her that you used it.  And if you didn't, who would tell her?

RESPONSE:  Horrified
That's just plain icky!!

RESPONSE:  Horrified
Anyone else need a barf bag?

RESPONSE:  Horrified
That was just tacky, a bit frightening, and I'm sure the last thing DH would have wanted to see on your wedding night was some nightie that his own mother wore.  *Shudders*.  Mom needed to keep THAT one to herself.

RESPONSE:  Horrified
Your MIL was only trying to be nice in her little way.  You should have thanked her, taken the gown, and not worn it on your wedding night.  There would only be a problem if she was present to know that you did not wear the gown!  Lighten up.  You can go back to her and explain that now that you are married, you understand how important the gift was and that you hope some day you will have something as emotionally valuable to offer your DIL.

RESPONSE:  Horrified
Family heirlooms and treasures that want to be passed down to family members should NEVER include lingerie.  Yuck!  I don't blame you for not wanting to wear it.  Her mother or MIL probably wore it, too.  There's a big difference between antique diamond earrings and a nightgown.

RESPONSE:  Horrified
Oh, LORD.  You poor soul.  I couldn't believe it when I read your post (another one!).  That happened to me, too.  You wouldn't believe how many times I've read similar posts on this site.  And, my (very plump) MIL also said to me, coyly, when she gave me this aged, tacky, cheap, flimsy, nylon/polyester-type gift, "But, I was very SLIM.  I don't know if it would fit YOU."  I wrote this to this site already, but I FELT like saying, "That's ok.  I usually don't like the feel of such cheap fabrics anyway."  And, ICK, to wear the intimate clothes of the MOTHER of your HUSBAND to seduce your husband?  Yuck, yuck, yuck!  Why doesn't that occur to these MILs?  I bet none of us who read this site will EVER give our old negligees to our DILs.  If I do, someone please shoot me!

RESPONSE:  Horrified
That is just gross!  I'm so glad to hear that you had the good sense to stand up to MIL and refuse the gift.  Maybe your MIL is totally clueless and it was an innocent gesture on her part.  But, all I can think of is that mommy felt the need to crawl into her son's bed with you, his wife, on the first night of your wedding.  Bleeccchhh!

RESPONSE:  Horrified
That is so gross!  I wouldn't want to wear the thing either!  However, you might put this fire out by recognizing her intent.  Maybe it was her dysfunctional way of giving you an "heirloom".  If you say thank you to her for welcoming you as a family member and wanting you to be included in a family tradition (try to think of how Dr. Phil would say it or something), it might soothe some hurt feelings, even if she doesn't understand that she stepped waaaaaay over a line.  You have to deal with her for years to come, so it's a sanity-saving skill to learn to see MIL's intent, rather than the action itself.  Not that you won't be annoyed, but at least you're not the bad guy, either.

RESPONSE:  Horrified
I find these stories where a MIL wants her son to get sexual with a woman who is wearing her clothes to be appalling.  Why would ANY woman think her son and DIL should or would be comfortable and desiring knowing that the old piece of lingerie DW is wearing is something his MOTHER wore while being sexual?  ICK!!!

Worst gift:  My husband I and were celebrating our first anniversary when my MIL gave us a llama as a gift!!  This gift was given on the day of SIL's wedding, one day before our anniversary.  SIL is the one who lives on rural acreage.  Since we live in the city, MIL said that our llama is intended to live at SIL's place, and we could split the cost of maintaining him!!!  This was no joke.  They bugged us a bit for money in the first year, but as we only visit once a year, they have little opportunity to complain about our lack of llama support.

        Signed - Laughing Till I Cry

RESPONSE:  Laughing Till I Cry
Well, I'm glad you can laugh about it.  I'd be pissed off!

RESPONSE:  Laughing Till I Cry
How bizarre.  Hey, why don't you train the llama exactly who to spit at?

RESPONSE:  Laughing Till I Cry
That was an unbelievably rude present.  Thank goodness your DH has the sense to see this, and didn't rope you into paying for the animal.  Maybe you could buy them something to keep at your city place?  Maybe buy a Jacuzzi, and tell them that they can use it when they visit.  You can also ask them for money for the upkeep (electrical bills, to clean it).  Try that out this Christmas.  I can't see how they can object.

RESPONSE:  Laughing Till I Cry
Sell the llama.  It is yours, so no one should have an issue with you selling the llama.  Use the excuse that you don't have the funds to help maintain the llama.  What a stupid gift.

RESPONSE:  Laughing Till I Cry
I am wondering why anyone would keep a llama.  You can ride a horse, milk a cow, or get eggs from a chicken, but a LLAMA?  Clearly this was an effort on your ILs parts to bind you to them and force you into visits.  Bully for you (or should I say, llama-y) that you didn't give in to it!

Worst gift:  Using a plumber's snake, in an attempt to remove a small plastic cup that our 2 year old dropped into the toilet, my husband became more and more frustrated when the cup got tightly wedged into the S-trap.  He decided to remove the toilet entirely, take it into the yard, and use the force from the garden hose to push the cup out.  To avoid having sewer odors coming into the house, he placed an empty paint can over the sewer hole and carried the commode outside.  Thoroughly soaked, he finally managed to get the offending blockage removed, only to drop the commode on the way back in the house.  The toilet was destroyed, and the paint can stayed over the hole for the next 2 months, much to my annoyance (fortunately, we had a 2 bath home).  Apparently, my nagging about it hit home; for Mothers' Day that year, my "gift" was a shiny new commode.  He is now my EX-husband.

        Signed - Always Call a Plumber

RESPONSE:  Always Call a Plumber
Great story - thanks for that!

RESPONSE:  Always Call a Plumber
LOL!  I wish I had been in court when the reason for your divorce was specified.  That must have set a legal precedent.

RESPONSE:  Always Call a Plumber
So why didn't you buy a toilet and install it yourself?

RESPONSE:  Always Call a Plumber
Two months without a toilet??????  When my husband tiled our bathroom and cracked the toilet when reinstalling it, he was home with a new one in 1 hour.  Two months??????  Outrageous!  A toilet as a gift????  What do you say to that?  "Oh Honey!  Thank you so much!  I'll think of you every time I use it!"

RESPONSE:  Always Call a Plumber
I found this story quite funny!  Thanks for the laugh!  It is the kind of thing that happens to my dad or husband!  I am not sure that I would have appreciated it as a Mother's Day gift either, but I hope your marriage didn't end over a toilet!

Worst gift:  My husband and I were married this past summer.  I met my in-laws for the first time when they came for a visit after our wedding.  It was not known to me at the time of their visit, but my MIL hated me from first meeting.  I am a good wife and mother, and I still don't know what I have done to deserve their hatred.  For our first Christmas together, we got a card with a gift certificate.  I thought it was a really nice gift until I saw what the gift certificate was for.  It was prepaid legal services for an annulment or divorce.  From that day on, it has been made very clear that my son and I are not a welcomed addition to the family.

        Signed - Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
I hope your husband treats you better than his mother does.  If my MIL gave us that, DH would never have contact with her again.  She would have burnt her bridge.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
Use the gift certificate to obtain a "no contact" order against her.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
Ugh!  Don't waste a care on this mean-spirited hag.  Just make sure that DH has his priorities straight - you and your child come FIRST.  And, if anyone mistreats either of you, his mother included, he should stand up for both of you without a hesitation.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
Your post almost made me cry.  How terrible of her.  I feel badly for your DH as well, that he cannot feel free to share a very special part of his life.  I certainly hope that they are not granted the privilege of spending time with you and your family.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
I hope your husband was equally offended and sent it back with a nasty letter.  You should tell them to use the money for prepaid funeral services.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
This is NOT funny!  You need to tell your DH that he has a choice.  Is it you or her?  Promptly hand him the "gift" certificate and walk away.  He should, by all accounts, tell his parents to stay away from all of you.  What a bunch of skunks!

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
You aren't the one who wrote in before about this appalling behavior, are you?  Could there really be TWO MILs who are this evil?!!??????

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
Keep your distance from your MIL.  Let your DH deal with his mom, and you go live your life separate from hers.  That way, she'll be the one missing out on life, not you.  If you allow this woman to make your life awful, then you're missing out on life and she is going to be happy.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
Why do they hate you?  It is for the same reason that all of our ILs hate us - we "stole" their baaaaaaaaaabies from them.  We're not good enough for their baaaaaaaaaabies.  Only they are good enough for their baaaaaaaabies.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
My jaw just dropped.  That is utterly amazing!

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
How terrible!  Maybe you got off on the wrong foot because you didn't meet until after the wedding.  It still doesn't excuse their behavior.

RESPONSE:  Laughing on the Outside, Hurt on the Inside!
You left out the most important part - how did your DH respond?  If he didn't read his folks the riot act and demand that they treat you with respect (at the very least), you've got bigger troubles than your in-laws.

Worst gift:  Since my husband and I have been together, my MIL has made a tradition of buying my husband a package of underwear for Xmas.  Sure, he can always use the underwear; but I see it as the MIL equivalent of a dog lifting his leg to mark it's territory.

        Signed - Package Of Underwear

RESPONSE:  Package Of Underwear
I agree.  Once a son becomes an adult, mothers should keep OUT of the business of their underwear (or anything having to do with their business below the waist)!

RESPONSE:  Package Of Underwear
Yes!  When a man gets married, the MIL needs to stop getting him underwear.  Geez!

RESPONSE:  Package Of Underwear
Buying underwear is such a personal thing.  It is one thing for same sex parent to do it, but for mom to son or father to daughter, oh my gawd, that does sound sick as all get out.  Take some action quickly.  Put this to a stop.

RESPONSE:  Package Of Underwear
He should buy her a pair one Christmas.

RESPONSE:  Package Of Underwear
Her gifts certainly speak for themselves.  I wonder what your DH thinks of this.

mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif


 


The Sister Knot, Apter
The Sister Knot
Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What


Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
Secret Paths
Women in the New Midlife


Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S


To See More Books By
Dr. Terri Apter
Click Here.


           Back To The Top - Click Here

Search this site or the web powered by FreeFind
    

Site search Web search


DISCLAIMER: 
All advice on this website is for informational and entertainment purposes only.  All responses are from reader submissions unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).  We do not endorse any of the advice.  We provide it to you as a service.  We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims as to the outcome of following this advice.  We provide it for your entertainment only.  Should you choose to follow any of the advice, it is solely at your own risk.  This is not intended to substitute for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.  We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.  B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.

Your privacy is important to us.  Click here to view our Privacy Policy.

Copyright 1999 - 2011, B A Squared, LLC.  All rights reserved.  Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of B A Squared, LLC is strictly prohibited.  All materials submitted (written or otherwise) to www.motherinlawstories.com become the property of B A Squared, LLC.  Submission of any material (written or otherwise) constitutes your permission for B A Squared, LLC to use, edit, reproduce and publish this material (in whole or in part) in any way it deems appropriate, and releases B A Squared, LLC from any and all liability associated with the publication of said material.

CONTACT US: To contact us for any reason, please use the email form on our Help Page which you can get to by clicking here, or email us at webmaster@motherinlawstories.com.