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Frequent Fry HerTM
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I Hate Her
Age: 23       MIL Age: 47ish? Not sure.

I bet yours isn't this crazy!  Let me know if you can top her!

Hi.  My MIL is about the craziest person to never be certified.   She has really caused me a lot of grief in the short time I have been legally related to her.

My husband and I have been married since June 18, 2005.  We have two "kids," a 2.5 year old Boston Terrier, and daughter born 1/10/2008.  I knew the woman was crazy, and she was already quickly ruining our lives, but I didn't think it could get worse.  But then we told her we were expecting.

You see, my MIL doesn't hate me.  No, No, No.  It's much worse.  She likes me.  But, she is crazy and useless.  She has never had a job, and lives off of her wealthy father.  He's in his late 70's, and he will, unfortunately, die some day.  Then what?  Then, my pushover husband and I will have to take care of her useless addicted waste.


I am a new mom, and I will soon be required to go back to work.  But, I do hope to try and take out my frustrations posting here.  Any comments are welcome!  But, before you judge how crassly I respond to her and her antics, please try to understand where I am coming from!
frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer /Posted: 29-MAY-08
If you've never read any of my tales from the crypt, I'll try to sum it up:  DH's maternal unit (because she was never really a "mom" to him) has not worked more than a week in at least FIFTEEN years.  She has been divorced for about 22 years.  She never remarried, because she is disgusting and rude, with drug issues.  Her father (GFIL) is quite wealthy, but is frugal.  He could squeeze 6 quarters from a $1 bill.  He bought her a house, then a double wide, where she resides, in the backyard in his upscale neighborhood.  She gets an "allowance" and has every bill paid.  She has her health insurance bought out of pocket, hops ERs, and spends money like the dollar store is going out of business.  With all that said, she recently told me that her 30 year HS reunion is coming up.  She, apparently, wants to "look good" for this thing.  IMO, why put on airs?  Why make yourself look *successful*, when you've done nothing but pills since graduation?  She "HAS" to get her nails done for this event.  She keeps asking DH and me where in town she can get her nails done (because of years of drug abuse she forgets that we have already talked about things).  Yesterday she told me something that burns my rear.  She proudly announced, "I'm gettin' my teeth fixed!!"  Like I'm gonna jump for joy or something.  To be honest, I never knew she had a problem with them.  But she pointed out that she is missing a few, they are discolored pretty badly, and it turns out that her teeth look like cr@p.  But she's not going anywhere every day!  Next, she told me, "I'm getting veneers (the porcelain veneers that make your teeth look as pretty as an actress's).  She is so freakin' excited about it that I let her tell me about it.  Then, I changed the subject because it was making me MAD.  She came back to the subject, and I quickly told her that I need work done, too, but it is going to cost us too much money to have any of it done.  I need a good bit done, and we cannot afford it.  She leaned in, covered one side of her mouth, and whispered, "It's gonna cost $12,000 dollars!"  I could have thrown up.  I was so mad!  I then said that I have AT LEAST two abscessed teeth, several cavities, a lot of mouth pain at night.  I can't eat sweets on one side at all.  She said, "I bet that sucks."  Yeah, it does!  AND, THEN she told me more about her upcoming dental work!  I am still mad, and my mouth still hurts.

        Signed - A Pain In My Mouth, And One Much Lower
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer /Posted: 26-MAY-08
About a week after I gave birth to our DD, a 10+ pounder, MIL came for another gleeful visit (sarcasm).  She was remarking on how big my "little angel without wings" was (blegh).  Then, asked my DH, "Well, did the doctor's put ya any extra stitches in?!?!".  I was speechless.

        Signed - Wish They Would've Stitched Up Her Raunchy Mouth!
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer /Posted: 7-APR-08
DH is big into custom cars (lowered, bagged, stereo, etc.) so, for his groom's cake, we had a replica made of the car he had at the time.  It was great!  It looked wonderful!  However, our entire reception was spent taking photographs - outdoors in June.  So, we took it home and put it, along with the rest of the traditional cake, in the fridge.  We went on our honeymoon, and returned a week later.  As we got close to home, my DH was really wanting to finally have some of his cute groom's cake.  We walked in the back door, and found our kitchen NOT as we left it.  And, the cake box was on the counter, open, and only crumbs were left.  His grandfather had gotten a hankering for some good cake, and let himself in.  GP ate all of his cake!  We were upset.  I was fuming.  I walked into our living room to take a load off on the couch.  I was barefoot, and I stepped on a piece of glass in my carpet!  I looked at the boxes containing the CRYSTAL WEDDING GIFTS and realized that they weren't all there!  Judging by the little pieces of glass mashed into my carpet, we learned that his GP had decided to take a load off on our couch, too.  But, because he is old and clumsy, he stomped down on one of my pieces of expensive crystal!  Now, granted, we have never even used the pieces of crystal.  But, they were gifts from different members of my family on our wedding day.  And, he had carelessly smashed it to smithereens, gathered what he could, and stuck it in the trash.  He never told us about it.  We don't live with him!  We have our own house with locks on the doors.  We did not know that he had a key to it still.  It goes to show that good gifts DO come with strings attached.  Sometimes, those strings are old men.

        Signed - Can't Have Nothin'!
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer /Posted: 20-MAR-08
I recently posted (above) about the clothing that my MIL bought that came from a crackhead.  A couple of days ago she came over with another pile of clothes.  They were all mismatched.  A few minutes after she got here, she mentioned that she and her friend went shopping at a place here for poor people to go get clothes for either free or close to free.  It is charity - not like a thrift store, either.  It is for people who cannot afford anything, and she went "shopping" there.  *Rolls eyes*.

        Signed - That Cheapo
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer /Posted: 20-MAR-08
Worst gift:  I don't know if this one counts as a "worst gift" or just a story.  It isn't really a big, big deal, but I just read something that brought it to mind.  When we were about 5 months along, we decided that we were going to use cloth diapers.  We made up our minds, then told MIL.  She looked like I'd hit her with a brick.  Her jaw literally dropped.  But, she wanted to give me a diaper and bath shower.  Just like she gave me that wedding shower two years prior.  *Sarcasm*.  She declared, "I'll give you diapers anyway.  You won't stick with the cloth."  She never did give me that shower. *Surprise*.  But, I did receive a few packs from different family members, coworkers, etc.  My little one got here, and the cloth was going fine.  But, she popped up with some disposables.  We told her that the cloth was still working perfectly, but she got them anyway.  And, a couple of weeks later, she gave us more.  I don't want to sound like an ingrate, but we TOLD her that we did NOT need disposable diapers.  If she wanted to help new parents, she could have picked up a pizza for much less money.  After all, we spent a LOT (I mean a $LOT$) of money up front on really great diapers.  We want to use them to the max.  And, she also signed herself up for a "Welcome Additions" package from a formula company, AND gave me a coupon for formula - and we are exclusively breastfeeding.  DD has never had formula.  Why buy the milk when you got the cow at home?

        Signed - Guess I'm Just An Ingrate
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer, 1 of 4 needed /Posted: 14-MAR-08
Worst gift:  You know the little round plastic pieces in a pizza box that are used to keep the lid from touching the pizza?  Well, those make my DH cringe.  Why, you may ask?  It stems from his childhood.  One year, for Christmas, DH and his sister received the joint gift of cheap store brand plastic interlocking building blocks.  They didn't really play with them often, but they did crack the lid a few times.  The next year, at Christmas, they received ANOTHER container of cheap store brand blocks.  Though young, they became a little suspicious.  They put one of those little round plastic pieces from a pizza box in with their blocks one time.  They were kids; they were playing with them.  But, that Christmas, they received . . . (Yep!  You guessed it!) . . . cheap, store brand blocks, with the little white pizza box piece in it.  Their mother had given them their own toy for Christmas.  Not once, but twice!  It was then that they realized that their mother officially sucked.  Oh, and before anyone tells me, "They wanted their kids to have a good Christmas, even though they were poor," I'll prove it untrue.  Good Ole' MIL spends (then AND now) tons of her rich dad's money on pills, drugs, and beer.  And, she is the yard-sale-broken-knickknack queen.  She could have actually bought them something that they didn't already own.  After all, that gift had been around the $5 mark to begin with.

        Signed - My MIL - She'd Gift Wrap A Turd
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer, 2 of 4 needed /Posted: 15-MAR-08
Worst gift:  Worst Gift Ever:  This one isn't actually mine, but it was a gift DH received.  As a grown man, he received one of the most worthless hunks of plastic for his birthday.  Every year DH dreads his birthday, as it brings back terrible memories.  His birthday is December 19.  His gifts were always one thing, two events.  They were always wrapped in Christmas paper.  So, on his 24th birthday last year, imagine his surprise when his mother brought him a Christmas gift bag with his birthday gift in it.  This woman went to either a yard sale or the dollar store and bought my 24 year old adult DH what we refer to as "the most stereotypical toy in the world."  It was a car toy that moved around (not rolled) and played the song "Low Rider".  It had three people in it.  The driver was a man with a bandanna on his head and dark sunglasses.  The front seat passenger was a blonde man with a long blonde mustache (think Hulk Hogan), wearing a teal shirt.  And, last, but certainly not least, there was a black man in the back seat of the 80's box style convertible.  He had on a black zip-up jacket and an Afro so big that they literally didn't bother to paint eyes on for this character.  So much thought.  Why didn't she just buy him a couple of Double Quarter Pounders with Cheese?  It would have cost the same!

        Signed - Not The Sharpest Crayon In The Box
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer, 3 of 4 needed /Posted: 15-MAR-08
It is a baffling thought to try and put into words everything that makes me dislike/hate my MIL.  I know she may not be the worst out there.  After all, she's never tried to kill me.  BUT, she's no ideal MIL, either.  So, here's a *brief* synopsis:  MIL is in her late 40's and able-bodied, but has never had a job that lasted more than a week.  She will get an application, but never fill it out.  She is convinced that no one will hire her because she is ugly.  I got a job!  LOL  And, she isn't living off of FIL - they divorced when DH was 2 or 3.  She is living off of her father, who is in his late 70's.  When MIL and FIL got married, around 1980, he bought them a house (outright - no mortgage).  He did it because he felt that FIL was worthless and that his own DD would never get a job.  He felt that he had to provide them with a house.  The house was never kept clean, and when they divorced, GrandFIL stuck her a double wide in his backyard - in a VERY upscale subdivision.  That was probably about 1986 or 87'.  And, she still lives there.  She still mooches off of him.  She still doesn't work.  And, not only does he pay for her shelter, lights, water, heat, etc., but he has bought her several cars (that she has wrecked), gas money up the wazoo, grocery money, and random sh!t  She doesn't need money.  He pays her health insurance COMPLETELY out of pocket, which is terribly expensive.  She now has self-diagnosed herself with some chronic pain disorder, and takes loads of medicine for it.  She has stolen my DH's medicine, money, and our food.  She and her friends have stolen my clothes.  That still BURNS me UP!  She is always on something.  She constantly sounds like she is, at the very least, asleep.  But, the truth is, she is either high, drunk, sedated, or a combination of those.  When DH and I first started dating, I would call the house(s) - they share one phone line.  His mother would answer, and I always apologized.  I thought I was waking her up!  She wanders through different unsavory "friends".  They are all, for the most part, users like her.  If I had to pick one, I would say that her crutch of choice is prescription pain meds.  MIL is an ER hopper.  She visits ERs for several miles around.  She's what ER personnel refer to as a "seeker".  Example:  After giving birth, I had a minor medical problem, and went to the ER in the wee hours one Sunday morning when I could wait no longer.  She asked me which doc I saw there, and I eventually remembered his name.  I told her that he gave me an antihistamine and a steroid pack.  She said, "Oh.  You should have gone on a Thursday night.  Dr. SuchandSuch is there on Thursday nights.  He would have given you something better."  Oh My God!  I have been married for 2 and a half years.  We dated for three.  I've known DH for going on 9 years now.  I could not possibly keep up with how many wrecks this woman has had.  And, they were all undoubtedly substance related.  But, was she ever prosecuted?  No.  And, then there was the time the police department called my DH.  He had to go pick her up because she had taken too many pills and they didn't find her fit to drive.  She sent him on a wild goose chase, looking for a purse that she doesn't even own.  He picked her sorry @ss up, or else they would have kept her there.  It really would be a daunting task to tell all her horror stories.  I am going to get a Frequent Fryer page.  It may just meet it's quota pretty quick.  She is so exhausting.  More to come on MIL from he!!.

        Signed - My MIL - As Useful As Teets On A Boar Hog
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frequent fry her - IHateHer Frequent Fry Her TM - IHateHer, 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 20-MAR-08
Worst gift:  While I was pregnant with our DD (now 2 months old), MIL gave us a lot of hand-me-down clothes.  She would bring them to our house, give them to my DH when he visited GFIL, call my DH to come get them, etc., like they were going to catch her house afire if he didn't remove them promptly.  I swear, there was a bag of clothes every week for one month.  I'm not saying that I didn't appreciate the gifts, but a lot of them were stained, shrunk, holey, mismatched, and some were obviously boys clothes.  Oh, and they smelled funny.  But, she even told me that she got them from consignment shops AND yard sales.  I'm not knocking secondhand stuff, but you buy secondhand for your OWN kids.  You don't give used items as gifts!  If that wasn't enough, fast forward a few months.  When my DD was a couple of weeks old, she brought over yet another grocery sack full of old, faded clothes for our new baby (who, mind you, has oodles of clothes - too many).  We had told MIL that she did not need anymore clothes, and that we didn't need anything else for her.  DH even told her, "Supper would be nice."  Anyway, she told me that they were her friend's niece's clothes.  "The outfits are just precious, and she can't wear them.  I feel bad for the little girl.  Her mom is a crackhead."  WHAT?  You brought me clothes that have been in a crackhouse?  If I could remember which ones she brought, I'd donate or burn them.  I don't need contaminated stuff.

        Signed - Not A Crackhead
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