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Mother-In-Law Stories
July 25, 2007
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My MIL passed away 6 years ago, and my DH is an only child.  FIL lives by himself, because he likes his own space.  He is constantly at the cemetery, watering the flowers on the grave.  I asked him to see a grief counselor, but he refuses, saying that he is fine.  Yet, he drops by our home 3 times a week.  For a while, he was taking my 2 oldest children to church on Saturdays at 4, bringing them home after supper at 7, and staying until 10 pm.  Then, he'd say, "I'll stop by tomorrow," which usually meant 9 am, and he'd stay all day long.  He'd leave around 8, so we could have our privacy.  In between all this, he calls.  This year, we decided that enough was enough, and told him that the kids weren't interested in church, and on Sundays we wanted to take the them on special outings.  Well, the snippety phone calls started.  Now, he comes over and hardly talks to us, complaining all the time that he doesn't feel well.  I told DH that it's for sympathy, and he needs to hang with people his own age.  During the winter, he heads south.  We cherish those few months.  Now, he wants to stay around our area year round.  For a while DH felt guilty, because he is the only child.  But, FIL has 6 brothers and sisters, neighbors, and friends with whom he can do things.  I am so annoyed that I can't spend any time with my DH and children.  FIL ignores me totally, and doesn't buy me any gifts at all.  For Mother's Day, he didn't talk to me, but called the house almost in tears because he couldn't find a plant that he wanted for "Mommy's" grave.  When he comes over, he only talks to my DH.  I sit there reading.  Lately, I leave and go for a walk.  He tells my DH that he feels like he's not wanted here anymore.  I want to scream, "Get a clue.  You're here every day of my life.  I feel like an outsider."

        Signed - Married To An Only Child
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My MIL is right up there with the worst.  This little story is only the beginning.  We got engaged and bought a boat on the same day.  All she wanted to hear about, when we called to tell her of the engagement, was the boat.  I felt like we could not afford to invite all the people I would want to a wedding, so I wanted to elope.  DH is an only child, however, and I could not deny his wish to have his parents present as we exchanged vows.  We finally compromised and agreed to invite family members whom we had both met, and one friend each.  This equated to 7 people for me, and 12 for him.  Months before the wedding, MIL made a point to tell me that my mother and I were responsible for paying for the wedding.  First of all, who doesn't know that the bride's family traditionally pays for the wedding?  Second of all, I am in my thirties.  Who, at that age, asks their parents to pay for a wedding?  It's fine if they offer, but I felt that, at our age, my DH and I should pay for it, as we saw fit.  Since DH wanted the wedding, I felt that he should pay for the majority.  I also showed his mother the dress that I was wearing months before the wedding.  It was a very simple knee length ivory dress.  It matched our simple wedding in a park gazebo, in the afternoon.  Two weeks before the wedding, DH called MIL to check her dress color, so I could finalize her corsage.  First of all, she came back with the top in WHITE and the bottom in BLACK.  Also, the top had sequins, so she did not want to have a pinned corsage.  Maybe she could have a wrist corsage?  How could she even plan to wear what sounded like such a formal outfit to our small, afternoon garden wedding?  She was going to be dressed up more than me, on my special day!  I'm also fairly certain that I had let everyone know that, in lieu of a bouquet, I was opting for a wrist corsage, since it was such a small affair.  I felt that it would seem like I was favoring my mother, to give a corsage to only her, so I had to forgo it altogether.  She also, in this same phone call, asked my DH if we had finalized a prenuptial agreement, as if it was any of her business.  Neither of us is wealthy, and we did not want a document in place that made plans for a divorce.  She has since brought this up to him on many occasions.  The day of the wedding, she was wearing a white beaded/sequined top and a floor length skirt.  Her current boyfriend was in tow, wearing a black suit.  They looked like they were going to an evening formal wedding or party.  Everyone else was dressed exactly as I imagined for the event, so they really stuck out like sore thumbs on the day and in my pictures.  After the luncheon, she came up to me, wanting to give me money for her and her boyfriend's lunch.  I know that she and my DH had paid the bill, and she just wanted to insult me again.  When I told her that it was taken care of, she responded that she would send DH the money.  We chose not to take a honeymoon, since we had purchased a new house, my ring, a boat, and paid for the wedding in an 8 month period.  We still took time off to be alone together, and to take advantage of the boat.  All of our other friends and family respected our privacy.  But, two days into the week, she called DH and talked at him for an hour again, saying that she would be sending money.  Two months after the wedding, MIL came down for a visit.  She told me that she couldn't believe that we had invited DH's stepsisters to our wedding, and that if she had known this, she would have invited her boyfriend's sister and her sister, whom I have never met (and will never meet).  I was outraged that she would even question our choice of guests, and that she would suggest that she would have invited her own guests.  She also proceeded to point out that she had not been sent a thank you note for our wedding gift.  I asked around, and everyone told me that it was not necessary to send MIL a note.  If one was sent, it should be a personal note from my DH.  I told him this, and he opted not to send one.  She acts like it's the 1950's, and all responsibilities fall on me.  But yet, my DH should not support me financially.

        Signed - What Did I Ever Do To You?!
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