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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
February 9, 2005
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JANUARY
2005
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FEBRUARY
2005
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- LosingMyMind, 1 of 4 needed
/Posted: 9-FEB-05
My DH and I just moved back to our home state.
We are supposed to be "temporarily" moving in with his
mother. My DH and I have a 17 month old son. Today
he went down for a nap. Of course, like everyone who has
children, you know that some days are better than others.
Today, my son screamed. I went in there and rocked him until
he calmed down. I put him back in bed and closed the door.
I did this three times! After the third time, I came out
and MIL was sitting at the kitchen table, doing nothing, just
sitting there (she had been in her room all day). We have
a monitor on the counter in the kitchen, so I can hear him.
Apparently, she came out and sat at the kitchen table and listened
to what was going on. I came out of my son's room and she
went back into her room with out saying a word. Does she
not realize that, believe it or not, I am freakin' capable of
taking care of my own son, and I don't need her listening to everything
that I do?!
Signed - No Privacy
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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This week MIL baby-sat
for the first time in a year. I always dread this "help"
because I know that I will pay for it somehow, and boy, did I ever.
She destroyed a nonstick baking tray. She took a biscuit without
bothering to take the tin out of the cupboard first, then jammed
the lid back on and broke the whole shelf! She "tried"
to fix it by putting the shelf in backwards, and just putting the
lightweight things on it, because a hinge was missing - what use
is that, exactly? She won't throw the kids' dirty laundry
in the hamper, but insists on folding it neatly and leaving it in
their rooms - why? She insisted on playing games with the
kids in our best room, which was tidy when we left, and looked like
a bomb had gone off by the time we got back. If she hates
me, fine (it's mutual), but why make her own DS suffer? I
have always kept quiet for his sake, but this worm is going to turn
real soon.
Signed - This Worm Is
Going To Turn
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Civchic, 2 of 4 needed/Posted:
9-FEB-05
My FMIL is a serious piece of work. She seemed
okay when we first met (a little insecure and a bit weird, but,
hey, aren't we all?). It wasn't until we had been dating for
a while, and she started to realize that I was sticking around,
that problems arose. The first inkling was her problem with
my financial situation. Now, I have an excellent job with
great pay, but in order to get that job, I accumulated a great deal
of student debt. My parents were very poor when I was growing
up, and I had to pay my own way through university. I pay
ALL of my student loan payments on my own (FH and I split all other
household expenses). But, she seems to think that I am dragging
her son down. The kicker came when she said to him (within
my earshot - she likes to discuss things "quietly" in
the kitchen) that because my parents were bad with money (what??
I think it was more like they didn't have great opportunities and
spent most of their youth stuck in cr@ppy jobs with 3 kids to take
care of - I think they did a pretty good job), I would end up spending
anything that he ever made, and we'd never get anywhere together.
I was SO ANGRY that night. Luckily, FH stood up for me, and
I distinctly heard him say, "Well, mom, since she already makes
more than me anyway, I'm not sure how that would work."
Seriously, every time we see her (maybe once every couple of months)
she ends up talking about money, even though I hate it.
Signed - All She Cares
About Is Money
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
Good answer by your DH! If you want to play on her level,
tell her that you are amazed how wonderfully your DH turned out,
considering what a sack of **** his mother is!
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
I'm glad that your FH stands up for you! As for your finances,
they are none of her business. Unless she is footing your
bills, she has no right to ask questions or make comments about
your finances.
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
That must be very galling. My own ILs go on and on about how
much money we must be making (because we both have good jobs and
own our own home, while they all live on benefits). The only
way that we have ever found to deal with them is to simply avoid
conversations about money. Sometimes you have to be quite
creative, even silly, like saying "A million, squillion dollars"
when they ask how much you earn (and, if you're like me, you will
answer after you've picked your jaw up from the floor from their
audacity).
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
I think that the best way to handle it, when she begins discussing
money, is for you to get up and walk out of the room. Your
FH needs to tell her, in a firm, but polite voice, that your financial
situation is none of her business, and that she needs to quit bringing
it up. If she still does, then your FH needs to follow you
out of the room when she does bring it up. Don't say anything.
Both of you just get up and walk out. Tell your FH not to
tell her anything at all about your finances, like how much money
each of you make, how much your house, cars, etc., cost. Do
not give her any ammunition to have these conversations. It
is none of her business, and the sooner that you both make that
known, the sooner you can move on.
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
FH sees that the issue is with FMIL, so that's a good start.
But he shouldn't subject you to this every few months. Paying
the loans separately and then splitting expenses is extremely fair,
but that shouldn't be the concern of anyone but the two of you).
FH should inform FMIL that HE is happy with the financial situation
(both current and future) and that no more discussion of the matter
is welcome. On future visits, you both will interpret the
mention of money as her polite way of saying that she would like
the visit to end.
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
Good for your FH! Now it's time for the next step: The
next time his DM initiates a discussion about your finances, he
needs to tell her that your finances are a private matter, none
of her business, and neither of you will discuss them with her.
If she persists, you both need to walk out and leave. If she's
at your house, you can tell her, "It's been nice seeing you,
mom, but the visit's over now. Time to go." A few
visits cut short, and maybe she'll learn that her observations and
speculations about your financial life are going to cost her the
relationship with her son.
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
I'm assuming that you are not married to this guy yet? You
need to seriously think about whether you love him enough to put
up with his mom. Believe me when I say that it will only get
worse as time goes on. Believe me, you will regret not giving
it some real consideration, unless you're one of those people who
is really okay with divorce.
RESPONSE: All She Cares About Is Money
The two things that will make or break your marriage, as far as
in-laws go, are presenting a united front, and not being overly
quick to share personal information (finances, health, etc.).
Therefore, your FDH was right to stand up for you, but he needs
to take it a step farther. He needs to stop giving his mom
any financial information at all about your situation or his own,
and he needs to make it clear to her that the issue isn't up for
discussion. He should lovingly, but firmly, tell his mom that
your (plural) finances are no longer her concern. Finally,
he should remind his mom that once he marries, his first loyalty
will always be to his wife (you), so she had better not treat you
with disrespect if she wants to stay on his good side.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives